Any Thoughts on This Tune?

[kitz]

Would love your thougts on this tune lyrics, mix, arrangement - the works.Thanks,Kitzhttp://taximusic.com/stream/183499/Your%20Love%20II.mp3Here's the Listing: ADULT CONTEMPORARY SONGS in the wide range of Michael Bolton, Barbara Streissand, Seal, Annie Lennox, Peter Gabriel, Sting, Whitney Houston, Josh Groban, Celine Dion, etc. are wanted by an established Music Publisher in Los Angeles. This company specializes in Film/TV and has signed & secured placements for many TAXI members. While the stylistic approach can be widely varied, they'll be looking for original songs that have a "timeless" quality and overall tone - no covers, please. Lyrics should be universal enough as to apply to a variety of situations/scenes/characters. Performances and the sound quality must be excellent (solid demo recordings are okay as long as the quality is there). They offer a non-exclusive, 50/50 split deal - you keep your original copyrights. Broadcast quality needed. Please submit one to three songs online or per CD. All submissions will be screened and critiqued by TAXI and must be received by November 10, 2008. TAXI #S081110ACYour LovePut your hand in mine and walk with meTiny little footprints in the sand and seaAfter all the times - you comfort meWith your love – your loveThere’s a tender little heart - inspires meBrings me hugs and kisses - deeper than the seaDeeper than the dark - of a starlit skyTelling me the path is love - and not to wonder whyYou are my star – my little oneNo matter where you are - you warm me like the sunIn a big blue sky - where the eagles playYou and I - Chase the Clouds AwayYou can dream your dreams – forget your fearsTomorrow comes – it fills the yearsTakes you on and on - till you find your wayWhen you don’t believe – doubts blind your mindCan’t see where your going – or what you left behindRemember this – when you’re on your kneesThe day that you surrender – you hold all the keysTo a love of live – to a life of loveThere's no force in the heavens that can rise aboveYou are my star – my little oneNo matter where you are - you warm me like the sunIn a big blue sky - Mangione playsMake Believe - Chase the Clouds AwayYou can dream your dreams – forget your fearsWith a lot of hope - and some grateful tearsOn and on - till you find your wayPut your hand in mine and walk with meTiny little footprints – in the sand and seaFade away – when you leaveLeave with me forever Your Love

[davekershaw]

Lyrics are lovely Kitz, but I can't open the file.I get a "can't find server" message.I'm looking forward to hearing it!

[wrdsnmuzik]

First impressions: good clear professional sound and heartfelt performance overall. The nits: The vocal is warm & intimate in the lower range (verse), but sounds awkward when it goes for (and sustains) that high note ("you are my Staaaaaaar").The drums seem to drift a couple times, that was the only instrumental thing that stood out.The lyrics have a couple odd bits:1) the line on the recording that goes "bleeding heart beat"? The lyric as listed here is much preferable.2) "There's a tender little heart" seems to clash with the second-person voice, elsewhere: perhaps "Your tender little heart"?3) The "To a love of life" bridge doesn't agree with the structure elsewhere. My thought was that it got in the way4) The "Mangione Plays" line seems so specific, and a bit odd in a song that seems to be directed towards the love of a childJust my two centavos. Good work. gw

[kitz]

Thanks gw!! Great feedback!! Mangione line had been changed to Hear the music play. My son (12) loves Chuck and is trying to play some of his music and so that's where that came from - The Land of Make Believe and Chase the Clouds Away are Chuck's tunes. This kind of feedback is exactly what I was looking for. #3 is is something I had not noticed Thanks!!Will work a little harder on vocal and check drums drift. Again - thanks so much for responding!!Kitz

[geo]

Hi Kitz.... very cool song.....I noticed a drift or something as well ... second "You are my Star" section....You might want to look at the structure.... a hook doesn't stand out to me ..... they are big on the Title & hook being the same.... "You are my Star" might be a better title..... I might use the "dream your dream" section as a pre chorus and add "You are my Star" again at the end of the chorus.... if you have the mix in a DAW or something you can cut up the song and move pieces around to get an idea of different combinations before you commit to rerecording...Good stuff!!Geo

[kitz]

Thanks for all the suggestions. I've done some editing and cut 30 seconds out of this tune to hopefully keep it on message. Would be interested in your feedback on this cut:http://www.taximusic.com/stream/158108/ ... Love.mp3Am considering Geo's suggestion of title as You Are My Star. Any takers?Kitz

[silvercord]

Hi Kitz!i really dig how the vox is right up front and doesnt need allot ofeffects to sound nice (unlike my voice)when that "you are my star" hook comes...i think that can bepatched up with a bit o' autotune if you dont mind me saying(not much autotune is needed though)...just to smooth out thatsmall wavering in the voice (take it from a cat that has a more thanhis share of 'em;)I wish you the best!peacegeoff

[ianferrin]

You really had me up until "you are my star" You've gotta fix that vocal. You just lost me when you hit that note.Pretty great job... mood, instrumentation, words, melody everything... But that vocal in the chorus kills this recording...Peace,Ian

[kitz]

Thanks Ian and Geoff,I redid that line. Don't know if it's better or not. Would appreciate your input!! http://www.taximusic.com/stream/158108/ ... .mp3Thanks again!!Kitz

[geo]

Hey Kitz... like the new structure a lot!!! Flows real nice... I think the first "Star" is still a little shaky... 2nd sounded better..Good job!!!Peace, Geo