Any Thoughts on This Tune?

[davekershaw]

Finally got to hear it Kitz!Real nice!Touching lyrics. Was this written about your own child?Vocals sound fine. Just those points already made, butit's improving. Yeah, those long notes are hard to nail!It's always good to hear the writer sing their own song.Nice work.Dave.

[wignelson]

Really nice tune, Kitz. Any tribute to a child is a winner in my book. The "star" line is still the weak link and since it "should be" the title IMO, you have to nail that note. A static tone just doesn't make it for me. It needs the vibrato to be drawn out that long.You can do it. Just punch it. Sing the line over and over about 50 times with the vibrato and pick the best one.HTH, Wig

[linziellen]

This is beautiful, good writing and genuine emotion.I'm listening to your latest version and it sounds fine, like Wig said - just keep singing that chorus The song is certainly worthy of a little practice and you'll get there, very soon by the sounds of it!I'd have to agree with a title change, I feel as though "You Are My Star" stands out more than anything else, though I also like "Chase the Clouds Away" Lovely!

[wrdsnmuzik]

Definite improvement, dude! A few little changes and it sounds so much more focused--as a journey, it carries you right thru to the ending, where the original wandered a bit in the middle. I'm afraid I agree about the 'star' note. It cries out for a bit of vibrato-emotion.....(not that I could do it).And only other nit, "doubts blind your mind" . . may be a bit of a cliche, but I think 'cloud your mind' would work better. Could definitely leave it as it, but "doubts blind" sticks out for me, and the payoff of the internal rhyme isn't enough of a gainer. That's it. So glad you found my 1st comment helpful! One always wants to be helpful, and it can seem presumptuous to critique some of the great work that's posted in here.

[kitz]

Hi Ya'll,I have decided due to a consensus here to rename the tune "You Are My Star". Thanks all for the gently nudging.I've been vibrato-ing all day!! I hope this will work better. I have never had a really strong vibrato and you all have forced me to work on it (against my will - have you). Thanks!! If I'm still lacking here I'm sure you'll let me know.http://www.taximusic.com/stream/183499/ ... nzi,"Chase the Clouds Away" is taken by Chuck Mangione. It's one of my favorite songs. As much as I would like - I dare not take Chuck's title as he had a lot to do with the inspirations of this song. Although I did think about it. Thanks though!!Dave,This song was written for my middle son Chris who always seems to get left out (being the middle kid) I started teaching him Mangione songs on the trumpet and that's where that line came from as well as (Land of) Makebelieve. Wig,Thanks for the encouragement. I think it took about 400 tries to get what I got so far. Let me know if I need to do another 400.Amp, I worked quite a while on the drifting drums. Hope it's better. I didn't notice until you and wrdz pointed it out. Wrdznmuzik,Thanks for all the input. I knew when I wrote this that I would have to cut it big time but couldn't bring myself to do so until I got your input. I must say I did post the most controversial of my set of lyrics up to see what would hit some buttons. Thanks for letting me know.Silvercord,I don't have autopitch so I just sang it again. And again, and again and... I did look for an auto vibrato plug in, but alas. Thanks for the great feedback.Thanks to all of you for all the help and encouragement!!!Kitz

[davekershaw]

ohhhhhhhhhhhhh yes!You nailed it Kitz!!That's beautiful.Chris will cherish it when he's older.Really well done.Must say, I'd love to write one like this for my kids,but I think I'd have trouble singing it without cracking up!

[devin]

Due to my technical issues, it's taken me almost a week to find a computer that would play this. I'm so glad I had the chance to hear it this morning. You've done a nice job I think, in writing and performing this Kitz!That's a tough listing to go after...good on you for posting early enough to dial it in. It's a song worth submitting, in my opinion. You've got to feel good about the updates you've made to the vocal...each version sounded better!You've gotten lots of great feedback, and you've worked hard at incorporating it....so now I'm just going to shut up and listen again.Awesome!!