Come Home

[liamkelly]

Thought I’d post my newest effort. Comments welcome.I’ve rewritten this americana-ish song many times over the past six months. So much so that it became a total logjam for me and for a while I couldn’t think of anything else. Weird, I know, for such an average tune.I know there’s loads wrong (sectional contrast, bridge too wordy which kills melody, dodgy rhyming scheme verse 2, bridge lyric very dated, boring-ish melody) but it is what it is right now. I'm a bit tired of the editing. If you have any comments though, I'd appreciate them. I sure appreciate the ears around here.Mike Kelley did the vocals.Steve Soucy did the keys. He’s done a crapload of keys for me recently and I owe him big.Martin (gitarrero) did the rest. As I said, comments welcome, I’ll take them all on board. http://www.taximusic.com/song.php?song_ ... m=trueCome Home.©2008 Liam Kelly SAMROBrother, you are swimming in a sea of lost souls,Where nothing in your life has become what you once supposed.Come home.Why don't you just come home this time?You had everything at your feet and now you're on your knees, Why don't you just come home this time?Brother, your heart used to be as wide as the sky,And not the empty prison of your dog-tired life.And I see in the storybook of your eyes,That you've become the very thing that you despised.Come home.Why don't you just come home this time?You had everything at your feet and now you're on your knees,Why don't you just come home this time?Brother, I have loved you since you were Paul Newman and I was Steve McQueen Heading down a road chasing beauty queens.I have loved you for so long I could never stop,Even as you lose yourself… drop by drop by drop.Come home.Why don't you just come home this time?You had everything at your feet and now you're on your knees,Why don't you just come home this time?

[squids]

Liam,Wow, this is a beautiful piece!! Heartfelt, lush. The only comment I'd make is the same as Matt......that second line in the 1st chorus doesn't happen soon enough so there's not enough emotional lift that we all want to feel if we're supporting someone who's on the ragged edge. The second chorus worked for me much better, very fluid. You're right about the wordy bridge. Betcha Mike had ta grab onta somethin' for a second there. The music is jes drop dead gorgeous. I can hear this on film, on the radio once it's been clipped a bit in those spots.Jes really well done. Lemmee know whatcha wanna do with it. I'd like a copy if you let me know where I can get it.

[lboogie77]

Liam,I really liked this tune. The arrangement and concept were great. Mix was good too. I am sure this can find a home backing a heartfelt scene. Best Regards

[geo]

Hey Liam.... I really dig this!!!! Man the music is great, like the lyric.... just the chorus gives me a little problem.... the lines don't seem to mesh there .... plus I prefer more of a rhyming scheme in the chorus.... Come home.Why don't you just come home this time?You had everything at your feet and now you're on your knees,Crying out you can't see the forrest on account of all the trees, Why don't you just come home this time?Something like that.... but something better .... On the Bridge please consider....Brother, I have loved you since we played Butch and SundanceHeading down the road chasing one more chanceI have loved you for so long I could never stop,Even as you lose yourself… drop by drop by drop.Love the drop by drop line..... Hope something in there helps....Peace, GeoPS. Not so average

[liamkelly]

Wow. First off, thanks very much for the listens, guys. I really appreciate all y'all taking the time. @regulator @matt – interesting point you (and others) make about the chorus. I was trying to vary the verse, chorus and bridge rhythmically. Sort of the vocal equivalent of 8s for the verse, 4s for the chorus and 16s for the bridge. I hadn’t thought the spacing in the chorus would leave the listener hanging though. I’ll give that some serious thought.@squids - @plaincountry – I take your points about the lyric. Especially the dating of the Newman/McQueen thing. I do love the line though. Regarding the overall lyric, I was just trying to describe that the brother had unravelled (using the most interesting metaphors that I could) and then giving the reason in the bridge 'drop by drop'. If it was a country song, I’d probably have to be more literal and the lyric would have to have been crafted much more carefully. Fortunately it ain’t so I can be flexible with the words. I think And yes, all honest criticism is useful to me. Thanks @lboogie – thanks!@Geo – clearly the chorus needs something extra. Thanks for confirming this. I think you may have something with the Sundance line. Keeps similar imagery and loses a few syllables. Thanks, bud, I may well use that.@warren – I hear you on the intro, Warren I’m not a big fan of long intros myself! I have already cut the first verse in half to get to the chorus quicker. Hmmm.@william – cheers!@chits – Kind words, Janet, thanks! And lyrics compliments from you are always graciously accepted! To be honest, I think the fact that Mike’s singing makes it sound more country than it is. I was thinking the track might come out a bit John Cougar-ish (which it didn’t but no matter) but I don’t at all think the song is good enough for the country listings though.@Bill – thanks, man Glad you like. And yeah, Martin and Steve really nailed it for me. The singer is a guy called Mike Kelley at Jimi’s. I’d love to have those vocal chops!@tt – thanks. The producer is gitarrero - a fellow Forum member, the keys are Steve a Gilbert (also a fellow Forum member)@feaker – very kind words about the song, Paul. Thank you. Unfortunately, the voice isn’t mine. If it was, I would definitely be shipping it out. Thank you for listening Definitely food for thought, I’m glad I did this. The take home messages for me are the spacing/melody in the chorus, a couple of good lyrical edits for the bridge. Also been getting some good ideas by PM. Thanks all y'all. Appreciate it

[jchitty]

Nov 2, 2008, 12:13am, liamkelly wrote:Wow. First off, thanks very much for the listens, guys. I really appreciate all y'all taking the time. @regulator @matt – interesting point you (and others) make about the chorus. I was trying to vary the verse, chorus and bridge rhythmically. Sort of the vocal equivalent of 8s for the verse, 4s for the chorus and 16s for the bridge. I hadn’t thought the spacing in the chorus would leave the listener hanging though. I’ll give that some serious thought.@squids - @plaincountry – I take your points about the lyric. Especially the dating of the Newman/McQueen thing. I do love the line though. Regarding the overall lyric, I was just trying to describe that the brother had unravelled (using the most interesting metaphors that I could) and then giving the reason in the bridge 'drop by drop'. If it was a country song, I’d probably have to be more literal and the lyric would have to have been crafted much more carefully. Fortunately it ain’t so I can be flexible with the words. I think And yes, all honest criticism is useful to me. Thanks @lboogie – thanks!@Geo – clearly the chorus needs something extra. Thanks for confirming this. I think you may have something with the Sundance line. Keeps similar imagery and loses a few syllables. Thanks, bud, I may well use that.@warren – I hear you on the intro, Warren I’m not a big fan of long intros myself! I have already cut the first verse in half to get to the chorus quicker. Hmmm.@william – cheers!@chits – Kind words, Janet, thanks! And lyrics compliments from you are always graciously accepted! To be honest, I think the fact that Mike’s singing makes it sound more country than it is. I was thinking the track might come out a bit John Cougar-ish (which it didn’t but no matter) but I don’t at all think the song is good enough for the country listings though.@Bill – thanks, man Glad you like. And yeah, Martin and Steve really nailed it for me. The singer is a guy called Mike Kelley at Jimi’s. I’d love to have those vocal chops!@tt – thanks. The producer is gitarrero - a fellow Forum member, the keys are Steve a Gilbert (also a fellow Forum member)@feaker – very kind words about the song, Paul. Thank you. Unfortunately, the voice isn’t mine. If it was, I would definitely be shipping it out. Thank you for listening Definitely food for thought, I’m glad I did this. The take home messages for me are the spacing/melody in the chorus, a couple of good lyrical edits for the bridge. Also been getting some good ideas by PM. Thanks all y'all. Appreciate it Well, it's up to you where you wanna go with it. I do know that John Cougar Mellencamp has crossed over to the country market now (since your song is similar)....he had a hit (Our Country) on the country radio stations about two years ago, and he was also played a lot on CMT... some country music is more modern and pop oriented these days. Even Jon Bon Jovi's crossed over to country. Sebastion Bach has penned a hit with Jeffrey Steele called "One More Battle With A Bottle."Anyway, good luck with it no matter where you choose to go, Liam...it's a terrific song!

[squids]

Heck, with a tune that sounds like this and with this subject matter, I'd do two slants and try to get double the notice. This thing might fly pop-rock but my money is heavily on pop country. You could try both......the more mellencamp approach (need a different singer!) but also keep Mike's vox rendition, add some steel and go country too. We never know where our songs will end up, right? And while it isn't everyone's goal to write a country tune, (nothin' wrong with that, jes taste preferences! ), if you do write one that'll fit, why not shop it to country listings/libraries/labels?

[davekershaw]

I'm only saying one thing: I LIKE IT! Well, two things then: I REALLY LIKE IT!!

[allends]

Liam,I love what the guys did for you!!! Knocked me over to tell the truth. Hey, that's no lie... I just picked myself up of the floor to type this!! The comments left by others are valid, but I'm in no state to add to them... I need to come to my senses after the fall! <hehehehe> Congrats,Allen

[jchitty]

Nov 2, 2008, 7:01am, squids wrote:Heck, with a tune that sounds like this and with this subject matter, I'd do two slants and try to get double the notice. This thing might fly pop-rock but my money is heavily on pop country. You could try both......the more mellencamp approach (need a different singer!) but also keep Mike's vox rendition, add some steel and go country too. We never know where our songs will end up, right? And while it isn't everyone's goal to write a country tune, (nothin' wrong with that, jes taste preferences! ), if you do write one that'll fit, why not shop it to country listings/libraries/labels?Sounds like Squiddy and I concur. BTW, I owe some folks PMs....and I will try to answer them later on.