Rocking Chair (Please Critique)

[kitz]

Would like some input on Rocking Chair and Old Man Greedyhttp://www.taximusic.com/stream/180783/Rocking ... .mp3THANKS TO ALL YA'LL Kitz

[hummingbird]

Be great if you could post the lyrics. Is this a song pitch, artist pitch, or for film/tv (just so we know the context in which to give feedback)

[kitz]

Thanks Vikki,I was thinking of submitting these 2 songs for this listing:New Listing NEO-TRADITIONAL COUNTRY SONGS are needed by a successful Producer/Engineer/Songwriter who has worked with artists ranging from Reba McEntire, LeAnn Rimes, Lee Ann Womack, Hank Williams III, etc. He's looking for songs for a fantastic male Country artist's project he'll be producing. This Producer will be screening these submissions himself, along with his business partner. He'll be interested in songs that have a similar tone as the contemporary/latest sounds of George Strait and Alan Jackson, but with dark and moving lyric stories a la Johnny Cash. He will be looking for melodic hooks that have tons of radio "hit" single potential - commercial, engaging and memorable. Excellent demo performances will certainly help to sell the song, but simple arrangements will be just fine. Please submit one to three songs online or per CD, include lyrics. All submissions will be screened and critiqued by TAXI and must be received no later than October 31, 2008. TAXI #S081031CORocking Chair Wish I had a rocking chairTo rock my blues awayBreath of front porch country airSure would do me good todayWish I had an ocean breezeTo blow across my faceGet this poor boy off his kneesAnd back in his own placeI can't conceal itLord when everything is downBabe I'm real and I feel itWhen you're not aroundWish I had a mountain streamTo listen to at niteTake me to that lonely dream She's such a lovely siteWish I had a way to tell herDo not be afraidI am here to see you throughI wish she would have stayedAnd I can't conceal itLord when everything is downBabe I'm real and I feel it When you'r not aroundWish I had a rocking chairTo rock my blues awayBreath of front porch country airSure would do me good todayOld Man GreedyI was walking in the garden When the old man said to me Take all that you canOr you'll surely die in needYou can take it from the poorFrom your family and friendsTake it from your childrenOh the circle never endsChorusI said old man - you're gonna die lonelyGive up the only - good life you hadI said old man - you're gonna die hollowThe earth's gonna swallow - your soul - will burnI was working in the fieldsHe said I can ease your painYou have so much more to gainIf you learn to play the gameThat's the way it's always doneIt's been done throughout the yearsBring 'em home - give 'em hope And then drink their blood and tearsChorusHe said bring 'em in real closeGain their hard earned trustThen suck the living life from them'Til nothing's left but dustThere were ghosts inside his headThere were demons at his doorThere was pain deep in his eyesThat will burn forever moreI said old man - you're gonna die lonelyGive up the only - good life you hadI said old man - you're find sorrow A tainted tomorrow - and your soul will burnYour soul will burnI said old man - you're gonna find sorrowTainted tomorrowThen you will burn

[cameron]

Hey Kitz,I have to run to work right now but I'll give you some feedback this evening when I have more time.Cheers,Cam

[billg]

Hey Kitz, I like em both (especially Rocking Chair ) but they sound more like southern rock to me especially the tasty guitar stuff in Rocking Chair. But I have to confess I'm not really sure what "neo traditional country songs" are. Maybe that's another term for southern rock

[ggalen]

Kitz,I only had time to read the lyrics, but I think they are real strong.I could feel a beat just from the perfect meter of the syllables. I think that is a good thing. I dislike it when the lyrics don't really fit the beat and the singer has to do some fast dancing to get it all in there!The lyrics are simple and direct, but the ideas behind them are good and solid.Nice job.

[feaker]

kitzAwesome song man. (rocking chair)If that is you playin the guiar, take a moment and pat yourself on the back.Just forced me into practicing scales again:)I have already told you I like this, but it doesnt sound real clean? Maybe it it just these cheesey speakers. Will have to see if anyone else notices. If not, pretend I didn't say anything.Great potenitial herePaul

[jay10music]

I'M SORRY ....I couldn't stream your songs....JAY...

[matthoggard]

Love the lyrics. Very good scheme and story.Ill listen later at home.dM~

[matthoggard]

Hey Kitz!!Dude I love your style!! I think we listened to alot of the same music.On Rockin Chair I get a very strong Allman Brothers feel. Duane would be proud of those guitar licks. The whole song flows really strong for me. Instantly made me want to sing and harmonize along with it.The imagery (breath of front porch country air) is really well done. Melody and harmonies are beautiful. I caught myself singing the high third to everything. One of those melodies that could have that huge gospel harmony around it.While it does have the southern rockk feel I think it could be made into a contemporary sound easily. It really reminds me of the great Allman Bros and Skynard sounds from the good ol days.I like the musical break before the chorus kicks in. Thats a good setup. I think i need something similar in my "Another day in the life..." song. You have a great example of verse/chorus separation.On Old man Greedy.Ive seen some posts that say it sounds like Charlie Daniels. It definatley has that vibe but is more unique IMO. Again, awesome melody/harmony scheme. I want to sing those high thirds yet again. But thats my love as a singer is big mountain harmonies.My only real problem with both tunes is the length of the lead breaks. Especially in Old man Greedy. I think you need to get to the chorus ASAP. Its a great dynamic but it feels like it takes too long to get to it.In a critique of another song awhile back I was told that the jam sessions need to be cut down. I love em but I think its the only thing taking away from some great commercial potential.Glad you posted these. Makes me want to improve on my stuff even more.Thanks for the listen. Great stuff!M~