Those Were The Days - Comments?

[acousticeel]

This is a song I wrote last summer after seeing that youtube video of girls beating up another girl (WTF right?). I'm not quite sure what to make of the song however. The lyrics are from an "older" perspective but the music is more rock than country. I've thought about re-writing the lyrics to just make it another "relationship gone bad" song instead, but would really appreciate other opinions first. If I keep it "as-is", what kind of listing could it work for (if any)?http://www.taximusic.com/song.php?song_ ... eam=trueIf the above link doesn't work, you can find it here - http://taxi.com/acousticeelThanks,Jim_Those Were The Days_There was a timewhen everyone knew right from wrongThe flag was proudly displayedYou could count on your neighborsIf you needed a handAnd everything we owned, was American madeGone are the daysThings didn't change at the speed of lightKnew everybody by nameLeft the house unlockedand the keys in the carWent for a walk without being afraid(chorus)Those were the days,Never thought I would say it, Never thought I, would feel this wayNever been one, to long for the past, butThings are goin astrayThat's why I sayThose were the daysThere was a timeWhen you did something stupidYou knew enough to be ashamedYou didn't go on TVOr put it on YouTubeand trade your pride, for a minute of fameDad used to sayIt's not all about the moneyYou can't just live for todayNow that I'm olderI realize that he was rightWhen I look out on the mess that we've madeRepeat chorussoloSo I'm turning offThe big screen, and the InternetGonna go outside, get some sun in my eyesGonna work with my hands, and dig me a gardenAnd maybe if I'm lucky, some friends will stop byRepeat chorus

[questor]

Interesting tune. I liked the vocals and the harmonies. The overall melody is smooth and the words fit the melody well...although the melody in the last two lines in the chorus seem to not-quite-fit, but that is just my opinion. They just seem to stop the progression of the build up of the chorus, but again, it really is just my opinion.An issue might be the lyrics. Although they fit the melody well and are quite smoothly sung, it has a older-person feel to it due to the subject. But that is kind of normal when a song is about "the good old days"... it infers the singer is older/wiser and can be perceived somewhat preachy. While I do like the lyrics, I think alternative lyrics you mentioned (if just as smooth fitting) would probably have larger appeal. Regardless if you change the lyrics, I would keep the chorus ("Those were the days") as it is very solid in my opinion (although I still would probably change the melody/lyrics in the last two lines, but that's just me. Again, I think the chorus except for that part seems very solid and very catchy)Anyway, overall I nice catchy tune in my opinion. Nice work!

[questor]

By the way, I just sent you a private message about an idea I had, please take a look when you get a chance.

[zoom]

Jim.... this is a really good country song that is *almost* a cross over -- though with the lyrics as they are it doesn't need to be. I actually think it's a great way to showcase an older country singer as someone who "ain't dead yet!" So I'd look for listings that are calling for something like this.... and I do see them occasionally. I wouldn't change the story here.... it's really solid. I would suggest you think of possibly twisting the title line up a bit, as it's reminiscent of the All in the Family theme song.... I think even making the line into "those were the GOOD OLD DAYS" and stretching that line out, making the title GOOD OLD DAYS would be more marketable. But that's just off the top of my head.The overall production is pretty flat -- meaning it's probably OK for song submissions, but it really lacks a lot of punch that it needs to show off the song in the best light. The playing however is pretty solid. There's only a couple of lines that seem out of place.... "without being afraid"... "put it on YouTube"..... "I realize he was right". All of these lines don't fit the natural rhymes IMO..... trying rhyming with car, TV, and older for starters (respectively) and I think you'll get cleaner results. Overall though I really like this song.... I don't think it needs much to sell it to the right listing. Good luck with it!

[devin]

I like the song, and I agree with the good points above regarding making sure the lyric signs well (doesn't feel awkward, right syllable count, etc).I'd also second the vote on making sure the lyric is as accessable as possible. I like and accept the sentiment of the song, but a line like "And everything we owned, was American made" harks back a little too far in my opinion. It can cause some great loyalty for some listeners, and just be "neutral" for others...I'd advocate finding an phrase that builds loyalty for all.(Case in point: I doubt more than 10% of our forum members here are reading this post on a computer made in North America, or watching your eventual video on a North American made TV...hehe..sign of the times).Great tune...I'd incorporate what Questor & Zoom added ... and then evaluate my $0.02 as just another opinion to consider, offered for your use as you see fit!P.S. I'm still singing your hook: nice work!Cheers!

[acousticeel]

Hey everyone. Thanks for the encouraging feedback, I really appreciate it. I agree the lyrics are from an older perspective (that's what happens when you're turning 55). I did like the "YouTube" line but it is a little awkward. I agree about the title too. I'll keep hacking away at it and maybe with everyone's input it'll turn out pretty cool....Thanks,jim

[wignelson]

I think this is a good song, Jim. Those were the days has been used before as mentioned earlier like the Archie Bunker show, and stuff, but that doesn't matter.My favorite was "Those Were The Days" by Blind Faith (I think) Could have been Cream, but I don't think so.Anyway, there's a lot right with this song and you should keep hacking.The only real nit I have is the reference to TV - big screen - you tube etc.That puts the song in a particular time frame, kinda dates the song. For a song to have legs, it's best to stay away from stuff like that. Internet and so forth.I like your voice. It has the tone quality of the actor John Corbet.Good song. Wig

[jwebbinspired]

I really thought the song was good. The topic is definitely marketable, and I think you did a good job of addressing it. I also believe the melody to be solid. I think you're in good shape. Sell it. Andy

[cameron]

Hey Jim,Sorry to be so late posting. Questor and Zoom covered it all pretty well. I like the vocals. The song feels like a rock song with pedal steel, but it sounds kind of cool. If you were selling it for yourself as the artist I think it would be easier than trying to pitch it to the country market. Perhaps alt-country would be a better match, except for the lyrics having an older perspective, as Zoom said.I'm of the opinion that if you're trying to pitch the song to another artist you need to make the demo sound as close as you can to the market you're going after. Otherwise, unless the song is a real blockbuster, it's an uphill struggle. A&R people have lousy imaginations, especially when they've already heard 30 songs today. What artist can you imagine singing this song? Then you need to make the demo sound like one of his records.If you're after the current country market I would demo it with a Nashville studio. A good demo studio can do wonders with making your it fit the current market.Cam

[acousticeel]

Cam,All good points. I guess new lyrics are the first step. If I can get past that step (with a little help from my friends), the Nashville studio would be worth a shot. I'd need some positive feedback from you all before spending the money however...Thanks,Jim