NEW SONG--SO ALONE TONIGHT

[chrisbee]

Oct 23, 2008, 7:27pm, heinsite wrote:hello friends and fellow countrymen (or not...)william anderson (wta) and i just finished a new rendition of a tune i've posted quite a while back. this has major revisions, thus here it is again...Hey Warren - I like the hook! I think, overall it's a very good idea. Also the vocals were spot on pitch-wise, which is HUGE! When does THAT ever happen??? Nice job!However, if I was looking for weak points, things that I think would hold this song & it's recording back I'd say that:- the voice is a naturally very intense rock voice and I kept wanting more out of the production - supporting the voice more. It felt the song production was holding the voice back. For instance, the string/pad thing behind the guitars never went anywhere - it was just flat; never came forward, never went away, just... there. That's a small thing, really more of a symptom than the major problem, but a good example of what I mean. I just wanted the song to push the voice more. There is a lot of passion in the voice.Also, the guitar is way out of time - almost 5/4 in the intro and outro - it's very obvious that this was done without a click track. I think it needed it.Please take this as just one guy's opinion! I think you're getting a lot of things right. Overall - I really do like the hook, the words and the voice. Good job!cb

[heinsite]

thanks chris!well the vocal is our own wta, as well as the production, and i was leadin' him in all them directions, so it's on ME, no excuses. i wanted kinda rough and minimal, and that's what i was pleased to get. but hell, maybe willy and i need to go back "someday" when the old man here gets the dough, and do a little revision--he's really very good, i value your opinion allot here. the best,wh

[wta]

chrisbee, Huge thanks on the review of my vox tracks mate, I've got one of the best rock vocal coaches on the planet (Jaime Vendera, he breaks glass with his natural voice serious google him and you can see video footage and he really has made my vocal career) and I owe him every thing. Funny on the timing of the tune I of course did use a click track to lay the foundation but I also had the goal to capture the feel of the demo and I found the way I fingerpicked the intro/outro best captured the feel of the demo and it is really more double time then a different time in comparison to the verse as they are in essence the same progression. I found that the difference between the two was key for developing the mystique and feel of the song and I just love how there is a bit of 'tention' created by the difference. The production was formally decided, minimalist all the way and so we stuck to our guns all the way. The cello and organ tracks used are designed to be "backing vocals" and not instruments to be focused on. When do the backup vocals come forward in most music? We know that they usually stay in the back to support the lead vocal line. So anyway that was the goal. I do also hear some of the tention created by the difference in feel between the guitar tracks and the vocals. The passion I was experiencing when I sang was really wanting to "break though the darkness" or "desperatly wanting my mate to be with me" but she just wasn't coming and through all the heated desire I was yet still "So Alone Tonight". So what you're hearing was at some level a calculated intention. Thats the thing about minimalist music you've got no where to hide and everything is being hung out there for all to hear. I love it and hate it all that the same time. I think chrisbee at some level you may be senseing my soul as I was co-creating this piece, sensing the bi-polarness of my soul while working on the tune. Man this is so cool, to be able to talk about the fine details with artists who know what I'm talking about. Most of the players in my area are typically really focused on their instruments and not songwriting and production. Sniff, sniff... I luv you guys... (sobs softly rejoicing in his fortunate find, his fellow taximen/women...) '-) wta

[heinsite]

well said will--i couldn't have said it better myself--truly, i COULDN'T have said it better myself!! LOL.wh

[wignelson]

Oct 24, 2008, 8:22am, hummingbird wrote:Oct 23, 2008, 9:40pm, dimitry wrote:In the beginning you rhymed "home" and "alone" - they don't quite rhymeThey are close to perfect rhymes, however they are also cliche'd rhymes.The term for these rhymes are, "close rhymes," "false rhymes," "slant rhymes" and "near rhymes."You can look it up in the book, Little Shop of Lyrics written by me.Wig By the way, I didn't make this shit up. I did the research.

[wta]

Oh by the way wig thats a great book, very informative with lotsa great tips! Excellent work... The words "home" and "alone" flowed wonderfully for me vocally, I was really able to find much room for expressing and emoting. But if you actually follow the line closely the word "alone" isn't meant to rhyme with "home" it's meant to rhyme with "phone" which I'd call a pretty damm good match. Now I'm not an expert lyricist so I would venture to imply to anyone what they should do with their lyrics. No "home" and "alone" are not as snappy as "boat", "float" and "goat" but then again the tunes not about livestock being transported down the Mississippi... Heinzy we might do better colabing with a sheperd! LOL! '-) wta

[wignelson]

Gotcha, Will, You are right, "alone" and "phone" are perfect rhymes. They are also what you would call masculine rhymes being that they have only one syllable. Like "ball" "call" "fall" "small" - as opposed to feminine rhymes like "flowing" "glowing" "knowing" "blowing" "growing" etc.Just something to keep in mind in case someone thinks you and Warren are getting a little close to the sheep. Wig

[cameron]

Oct 26, 2008, 3:52pm, wignelson wrote:Oct 24, 2008, 8:22am, hummingbird wrote:They are close to perfect rhymes, however they are also cliche'd rhymes.The term for these rhymes are, "close rhymes," "false rhymes," "slant rhymes" and "near rhymes."You can look it up in the book, Little Shop of Lyrics written by me.Wig By the way, I didn't make this shit up. I did the research.Wig, Wow, I didn't realize you wrote the book we'd been talking about. Very impressive.Cam

[wta]

Oct 26, 2008, 5:15pm, wignelson wrote:Gotcha, Will, You are right, "alone" and "phone" are perfect rhymes. They are also what you would call masculine rhymes being that they have only one syllable. Like "ball" "call" "fall" "small" - as opposed to feminine rhymes like "flowing" "glowing" "knowing" "blowing" "growing" etc.Just something to keep in mind in case someone thinks you and Warren are getting a little close to the sheep. Wig LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!

[heinsite]

wellll--willy nailed it, wigs you too, and hell man, they just fit, always did, i didn't changed many of the lyrics in this version, just a few to make it more understandable to ...hmmm...anybody...and not so obtuse. but hell, we'll see on that too!yeah,, zone, chrome, ozone, hell, that's what's great about language, we got a million of 'em!!thanks again guys/gals for listening.whps: willy IS A SHEPARD MAN!! he can tell ya about his volunteer work, etc. hell, some of us try to be shepards...it's a very tough job!!singed,the sheep in wolf's clothing...