Singer songwriter, or ???

[devin]

During the 50 songs in 90 days challenge, I ended up with a few song sketches that received some decent comments from the community. I was digging through these "one take wonders" tonight, to see if I could match any ideas I recorded to future listings.Could you give me your quick thoughts on this song, including it's application for this listing? I'd obviously rework the heck out of everything, but let me know if the concept is close (or useful for another genre). Thank you, I appreciate it!Listing:MALE AND FEMALE SINGER-SONGWRITER SONGS WITH VOCALS are wanted by an established Music Publisher in L.A. This company has tons of Film/TV placements with TAXI artists/writers and is looking for more material to add to their catalog. They'll be looking for anything that sounds current and radio-ready, but the stylistic approaches can vary. A more Pop approach that's similar to Jack Johnson, Jason Mraz, Natasha Bedingfield, Delta Goodrem, Kelly Clarkson, etc. will be acceptable along with the more quirky sounds of Regina Spektor, Rachael Yamagata, Kimya Dawson, Conor Oberst, Bright Eyes, etc. All approaches will be considered, but the performances need to be really great and the recordings must be Broadcast Quality. A current/contemporary tone is absolutely essential here. They offer a non-exclusive, 50/50 split deal - you keep your original copyrights. Please submit one to three songs online or per CD. All submissions will be screened and critiqued by TAXI and must be received no later than November 28, 2008. Song Sketch:Until Then (may take a second or two to download and play)http://www.thepondstudio.ca/UntilThen.mp3Draft Lyric:SomedayMy network will be smallerFilled only with the people I care aboutI'll only need one e-mail accountSomedayI'll have the cash to squanderOn coffee and a drier place to stayInterest is what I'll make not what I'll pay Until then I know I'll still get by I have all I need Until thenSomedayI won't feel like an imposterAfraid of their dissection of what I sayI won't trade in my values for their pay Until then I know I'll still get by I have all I need Until then Until then Some nights I'll ask "why?" But if I'm my own best friend I'll survive Until then

[geo]

Hey Devin... cool song... I dig the verses a lot... some great lyrics there.... I would maybe end it with another verse ... SomedayI'll have no need to ponderWonder if I'll have to make amendsI'll survive on my own until then.Something like that.... I was trying to work "ascend" in there to get a spiritual reference but couldn't make it work....I think the choruses need some work... try a faster chord changes.... maybe...Until thenI know I'll still get byUntil thenI have all I needUntil thenFor the lyric.... the verses are great.... just a little tweaking.... Peace, Geo

[wta]

Devin, my fellow Canadian (I'm a BCer Vancouver specifically, born and raised (though i've been all over the world since graduating high school) I love this lyric mate. I'm not sure what or how but it really spoke to me and I felt like you where singing about me! That to me is a sign that maybe others will feel the same way hence having a powerful way of connecting with a broad listenership. I love this lyric man, I'm no expert but it's just my opinion. The chord progression I find a bit usual but if you got creative with mixing up the strumming patterns and if you might go deeper with the production into other instruments using them to change things up a bit but I just feel that many should be able to relate with these lyrics so in that I'd say you got a HUGE headstart on this tune. Very cool... '-) wta

[devin]

Thanks gents for chiming in!Geo, your idea about the that whole "amends" flavor...that also fits in well with the vibe...nice add! I might just bake that into the tune too (I think the occasional thought about remorse etc is also universal).Your tip on chorus differentiation too, right on. You'll also notice I'm posting a really raw track early in the process, as I think I read one of your posts a while ago, "get it out there for feedback before I invest too much time into it". Easier to incorporate feedback now.Hey WTA! Glad you could relate...I was "raging against the man that session" (another Geo quote..dang, I owe him a co-write ). I was trying to be specific but approachable. I hear you on the chord progression and what the right hand is doing for sure...I think I'm going to map this one out and start tweaking.I'll get it finished 'someday'. Thanks!

[wignelson]

Good song, Devin. My only nit is one that I had with another song posted recently that mentioned youtube and the internet.If you really want to submit this, I would imagine that any reference to the internet or email will be a deal killer. I just can't see a song getting by a screener with those kind of references unless that is the whole subject of the song.Like if you did a comic song about the internet blues or something. Even then it's a long shot.You date the song as a child of the 90's through now with the internet connection. I would avoid it like the plague.Just my opinion. I might be wrong. It would be the first time in my life, but I can handle it. Wig

[squids]

Devin, Babyeee!!I like this song. It reminds me of Johnny Cash fo some reason.......ya know how he always tried to jes get to the bone of the thought? No social math fo him, jes straight shootin'.I like the idea, I like the melody. I probably would update the production to make it less folksy (listen to commercials on TV fo ideas, that's what I do, heh).Anyway, I like it jes fine like it is. And I actually had a minute to review two songs today! Wow!

[devin]

Great input gang...thank you!I hear you loud and clear Wig: getting specific imagery but universal appeal is the game for sure. That line was one of the 'warning flags' I was keeping an eye on when I posted...Thanks Squids. I do want to re-do this in a more current tone...thanks for spending 50% of your review time with me I was always bad at social math (great concept you have there!). I'll go watch TV now like you said. Oct 25, 2008, 5:14pm, wignelson wrote:I might be wrong. It would be the first time in my life, but I can handle it. Wig Bwahaha! I think I'll use that line on my wife when she asks why I'm watching so much TV today!

[linziellen]

Hi Devin,I can imagine you making a really good job of this. It seems like a pretty solid foundation. I'm not sure whether the internet reference melts into the rest of the lyric. Would be nice to hear this further down the line.I also wondered about the last one you wrote at 50-90 for the listing you've quoted above!? Just an idea Linzi