Lift me up

[carr]

sound is herehttp://www.songramp.com/mod/mps/viewtrack.php? ... =67194Lift me Up © Ian Jolley /John westwoodKeep me in your ordered loopwhile my world is spinning roundMy head is watching clouds go bywhile your feet are on the groundChorusLift me up ,Take me farI hate this shadow Ive becomeLift me up , Im going downtake my hand before I drownVerse-2Too much pressure in the atticNo better relief belowId like to take a trip somewhereBut there's nowhere I can goChorusLift me up ,Take me farI cant face this world all aloneLift me up , Im feeling downBreak my fall before I hit the groundBridgeI can see it all too clearlyI can feel the pressure wavecan you send some help for meI'm not feeling very braveChorusLift me up Take me farI cant face this world all aloneLift me up Im going downtake my hand before I drownLift me up , Im feeling downI cant face this world all aloneLift me up , I feeling downBreak my fall before I hit the ground

[zoom]

Hey Carr.... was this piece created for any particular listing or project? It helps to have a little backstory so we can critique it better. Thanks!

[carr]

No particular project in mind. I had the original lyric sitting for about 2 years and cam across a Muso in UK via the 'net and thought "Hmm his style might suit this" and after a few tweaks this is where its at.It stands or falls as it is J

[zoom]

Ok.... well, in that case I'll try to give you some overall impressions on the production and the song. For a home production, it's ok as a rough... but overall, I think the production needs more work. The drums are pretty spare -- which can be OK, but combined with the other stuff it sounds a little too repetitive for my tastes, especially when you don't have a bass line to help ground the song. It's a noticeable absence too...Also, the guitar's sound isn't quite there either. It gets lost and muddied due to competing frequencies from the spacey background and your voice. Just some things to think about as you move forward in the process if you're thinking of boosting the production value.Now for the song.... I thought overall it was OK, but there were a couple of unexpected twists between the chords and the melody, especially in the chorus. For example, the first line of the chorus starts out pretty good, and then goes to an unexpected minor chord. This combination with the words of the first line is kind of unsettling, as the music doesn't match the sentiment of the lyric IMO. I know that this is a depressed piece overall, but when you're looking for someone to provide some sunshine I would use a brighter chord progression with a melody that really lifts up out of the murkiness and juxtaposes the verses better.Some of the phrases in the chorus are a little cliche as well... which surprised me a little considering the interesting lyrics in the verses! And I think it would help to have some consistency in the metaphor of either drowning or falling... picking one would give you a solid visual that you might be able to expand on in your lyrics, giving more depth and possibly more insight into the nuances of the story.Hope that helps!

[cameron]

That's a thoughtful response Zoom. I must admit I tried tackling this one a couple of times and didn't know where to start.Cam

[bwrenhewmach]

Hi Carr I love your song. Your Idea is great. The lyrics along with the melody sets the mood of the song. It's a very very cool song almost has a U-2 feel to it, with a little David Bowie mixed in. The only problems I see are what my friend Zoom said about the production, and a few small changes in the lyrics. Boy if you could find the right producer that is into this kind of music that could give you the quality of sound you need. I think it could be a great song indeed. My friend Geoff has used a producer in S. Korea that might be just the one that could fix you up. He produces this kind of music well. If your interested PM me and I will see if I can put you in touch with him. Your song has great potential. mild Bill

[carr]

Thanks Guys. Had lots of well meaning pats on the back but I prefer the hardened critiqueJ

[carr]

I just read my response above and it may not have sounded right.. I had lots of well meaning pats on the back elsewhere but preferred your harder hitting commentsj

[heinsite]

hi carr!!i can hear very interesting music hear!! problem as mild man said, the production is a bit too ragged--mix is muddy, etc.but the structure is there man, i HEAR IT, and i hear the tune through all the "noise"--sorry, a bit too many FX IMHO, but again, production is the key here.thank you for the post and the listen, great potential..."break my fall before i hit the ground"--(great line man)all the best,warren