Angel at the Grave - Does this need a bridge?

momof4 · Post by **momof4** » Wed Oct 15, 2008 3:15 am

Cam - I was a little lost on the lyrics until you broke it down further down in the post...I think what you should do is take that explanation you wrote to Matt and put it in your song. Make it the chorus, or something, but the idea that "cemeteries aren't for the dead but for the living" is a powerful statement that has so much potential. Can you think of a way to run with that as your main theme? The "angel at the grave" plot just kind of left me with too many questions. Just my two cents, of course. erin

zoom · Post by **zoom** » Wed Oct 15, 2008 3:26 am

Hey Cam...First, I'll chime in here and tell you that this song is beautiful. It rings with Elton John and a little John Lennon too... couldn't help but hear a piano riff from Let It Be in the transition from the chorus. Also, this song made me think of Boyz II Men (It's So Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday)... mainly because it's got that gospel flair to it.I agree with Wig about the bridge... it's not really that strong, but I do think you need to change up the chorus and find a solid hook... both melodically and in the lyric. While impressionistic writing is ok for some genres and artists, you need to have the right song for it IMO, and this isn't it. This is a song that needs to tell it like it is and bare your soul.With that in mind... if you wanted to refine the chorus more, I have some suggestions. Look at the lines you've already written, and maybe come at it from a different angle. Who is the angel really? What did she tell to you, and how did she tell it to you? What is the greatest struggle to overcome here? The light bulb moment might be about cemeteries, but is there something stronger you can put at the front or back of the chorus that really says it all?I don't want to inject too much here since this is a very personal song, but i at least want to give you some questions to ask yourself as you are looking over everything. And once you refine your chorus, you might find that you really do have a bridge -- something else to say about the whole thing. Or maybe your lightbulb moment will end up being the bridge. Just some food for thought.That's probably more than enough from me, so I'll stop... This is a very moving piece Cam, and I look forward to hearing more as you develop it.

heinsite · Post by **heinsite** » Wed Oct 15, 2008 3:35 am

hell cam, you don't "owe" me a beer, and and this rate, if you buy 2 and i buy 2 and 'a gilbert buys 2 and zoom buys 2 and mazz buys two and....and ....and....where's the airport? might not NEED a plane to "fly" home...LOL.we'll figure it out i'm sure...!wh

cameron · Post by **cameron** » Wed Oct 15, 2008 4:14 am

Erin and Pat,Man, you guys are awesome! Very valuable comments... thanks! I just love this forum. Where else can you get this kind of honest feedback and inspiration? Nowhere that I know of. Ya'll make me WANT to step up to the plate and do my best when otherwise I'd probably just put it away and move on to the next song.Thanks again to all of you. I'll post it again after I've reworked it.Cam

davekershaw · Post by **davekershaw** » Wed Oct 15, 2008 4:47 am

Hi Cam,I'm chimin' in!I like this song, and thought it was very moving; the kind of song a lot of people will relate to.I like the realisation that cemeteries are for the living, and that you now see their purpose.Seems to me a song like this is very personal, and I think Zoom was right in his restraint. The problem is, you get suggestions of what other people would put in there themselves, but they aren't in your shoes. You know what you're trying to say, based on your experience, so I think you should work it out yourself.A bridge or no bridge, you'll know which you prefer, once you've tried both.You'll know when you've said all you want to say. If i say you should put such and such a line in, then it'd be coloured by my experiences. It's no longer just your song. You know what I'm getting at? This is just my opinion of course, and I don't mean to dismiss any previous suggestions.Your voice is perfect for the message. Got all the emotion needed!Excellent!Dave.

wta · Post by **wta** » Fri Oct 17, 2008 4:50 pm

Cameron, Great relay of emotion, I really felt your soul in this cut. I really love the feel here I like as is, love the timbre of your voice and a good performance with the piano, keep the cut for sure but maybe take a commercial approach as well as the emotion and feel I think could be a great singer/songwriter tune for film/tv, I see a guy walking down a lonely road kicking rocks just thinking, ya would be great for film/tv (I"m listening as I'm typing, second time through now). With all that said the only downfall is the vocals are pitchy in spots and I would have to say I'd fix that before submitting. Beautiful work mate... '-) wta

cameron · Post by **cameron** » Sun Oct 19, 2008 4:51 pm

Thanks for the comments William. I've been working on a rewrite, and then plan to re-record it, but I must admit I'm getting sick of the damn thing already. I think maybe because the theme is a bit of a downer I find myself gravitating towards working on happier songs.Cam

wta · Post by **wta** » Mon Oct 20, 2008 12:01 pm

LOL! Man I hear ya there. I write a lot of personal stuff about injustice, anti war, and the like and when you write a tune in that vein then recording THEN perform it all the time if funny how difficult it can be to carry on with it... '-) wta

Angel at the Grave - Does this need a bridge?

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