ala Bob Dylan, feedback please...

[wta]

The tune is called, "A Sad Day" and I wrote it as an anti war tune ala Bob Dylan, Barry McGuire, Allman Bros, 60s acoustic, ect. I would be most grateful if you might consider if this tune is on target or if it fits another category and of course a review on the production quality, musicianship and lyrics. The link and lyrics are below... For any help I would be most grateful. Cheers, '-) wtahttp://www.williamthomasanderson.com/images/a_ ... ic_cut.mp3 A Sad DayWords and Music byWilliam Thomas AndersonCopyright 2008 Capo – 5th FretVerse 1DI cry for the babyWhen he takes a gun in his handCry for his motherIn her mind she can’t understandCry for the fatherHis hopes will soon run dryI cry for their family GFor this boy shall surely dieChorusA GIt’s a sad, sad dayA GSad day, sad sad day DSo I cryVerse 2Cry for the babyHe’s off to war todayCry for the little boyAs he waves his flags in vainCry for the little girlAs she waves her hand goodbyeI cry for her broken heartFor this boy shall surely dieChorusIt’s a sad, sad daySad day sad sad daySo I cryVerse 3Cry for the babyHe’s in a foreign landCry for the little boyHe’s gone as far as he canCry for the babyAs he raises his hands to the skyCry for the little boyFor this boy shall surely dieChorusIt’s a sad, sad daySad, sad daySad daySad, sad daySo I crySolo/BridgeEm C DOh, oh oohEm C DOh, oh oohEm C DOh, oh oohEm C DOh, oh oohVerse 4Cry for the babyAs he lay apon his chestI cry for the tin soldierI pray for his soul to restChorusIt’s a sad, sad daySad, sad daySad daySad, sad daySo I cry

[deantaylor]

Hey William,I definately think it fits in the 60's anti-war music category. I like the song. I don't have a great ear for production, but it sounds good to me. I like the vocal. You get some good emotion into it.As a critique, it may be a little too long and a little repetetive.Dean

[heinsite]

hi william!i dig this allot, and your voice is just perfect for this tune.length may definitely be an issue with this (and i hate to say it...) but i'd get out the snippers just a bit and trim the intro a bit, trim the bridge in half (a bridge to nowhere...LOL) and the intro to the bridge can be shorter as well, just get to the bridge faster, and that might solve what i think is a length problem IMHO--i might be full of crap though my friend!!the only other thing i'd DEFINITELY do is turn down the flute--it is way cool--but it's too loud in the intro! and because i'm sure (hope?) it's on a separate track, that will be simple--- it steps on your plaintive "oh" and is too loud in the bridge too IMHO, but toward the end it seems to be just right, when you duet the flutes...was i used to it, or did you then turn the high one down? anyway, i love the tune and it's simplicity, passion and it's just fine man, other than the minor comments i'm suggesting...that's all i got for ya--it's not a sad day! it's a very good day, i just heard the makin's of a quality tune!!!!the best,warren

[billg]

I like it, this is pretty cool. The intro might be a little long, not for me but I could see someone saying that. I'll ditto Warren on the flute, it's a bit piercing. Cool song!

[Casey H]

Hi WilliamI could see this having potential for a 60's anti-war/protest song. I'm not hearing Dylan but I'm hearing that 60's coffee house thing. I like the guitar sound.Not sure, but maybe using a different line in the middle of the chorus other than "sad sad day" might be good.The bridge which needs work- could be a show stopper. The wind instrument sounds off and dissonant. I'm not sure if lyrics would be better than the "oh"s. It's hard for me to hear with the wind instrument covering... might have some vocal pitch issues there, not completely sure.I agree that 5:25 is a bit long. Yea, Dylan had a lot of long ones but for pitching I'd trim it down to more like 4 minutes. Cutting the bridge down might be a place to start.Glad to see you putting some stuff out here! Casey

[wta]

This is great guys... I've got lots to work on ic but I expected that. I'm going to shear this puppy and do come road construction on that bridge and will post me changes soon and see what y'all think! You guys rock... '-) wta

[matthoggard]

Nice song man. Why couldnt the lyrics in verse 4 be the bridge lyrics??These 4 lines sum up the whole song IMO and are almost perfect "formula" for a bridge.I sang it to myself and I hear possibilities.A few production notes: Guitar levels vary a bit too much. Im with the others on the flute thing. Vocals need just a bit if EQ and compression.Good stuff man. Let us hear more.M~

[wignelson]

Good song, William. It captures the era pretty well. I lived through that era, I don't know how old you are.Vocals are good, very expressive, possibly a tiny overdone effected cadence at the end of a word or two, but I think you can get away with it. PM me if you want me to expand on it.Guitar is good with the capo because it pushes you to the top of your range and you have to punch it a little.The whistle is flat, but that's a simple fix. Tune the guitar up about an eighth of a tone.Keep it under four minutes and then spend $5.00 on it.Wig

[regulator]

shorten the intro, shorten the song, loose the flute ? sample? - or hire a real player to accompany you, cos it's a nice addiitionsong sounds heartfelt

[wta]

Wig, I will pm you, big thanks... regulator, did you just call me Burke Low G whistle a sample! Mmmm, where do you liiiive? Serous though the whistle tracks are getting tons of thumbs up and a few thumbs down, tough call. I'm a student of the instrument (bout 3 years now) but I really thought the tone was well captured and part well played (did he say sample?), but hey that just my opinion. I have started a redo on this bad boy so keep the ideas coming as I'm checking this a few times a day and I hope to have a new draft within the week for review. I'm going to take a shot at taking the last verse and singing it over the bridge as Matt suggested, I've played this tune hundreds of times live and this is going to be weird... But thats showbiz! '-) wta