Just One More Day -- Taxi Co-Write!

[marcblack30]

Zoom, I pm'd you.

[bwrenhewmach]

Very good guys. I love the way the song builds it slowly draws you into it. Also I like very much when the guitar comes in on the second verse it fits so well with the song. Please don't ask my why but for some strange reason I hear instead of a male harmonizing I think a female harmony would fit the song better. I could be wrong but I don't think so. Now where have I heard that before? Love you guys mB

[heinsite]

thank you folks!!i want to thank you all for your comments, the good and not so good....pat and i will be looking over/have looked over them all, and will attempt to be as true to what we are trying to do--SELL A SONG== LOL, but also try to do the very hard thing, and that is being true to ourselves and what we believe we are trying to do here. i am not going to address specific conerns/comments on any part of the tune at this point (because that would sound defensive, and be a VERY long conversation, even for those of you who hear the potential of the tune!) i will offer however that your comments have been encouraging and we will be seeking a critique from our friends at taxi, make any dire necessary changes, and move forward with what we both believe is a reputable, intelligent and "today" song--pending the demo outcome of course, which will be mother-henned by us both!again, we appreciate your help.all the best, we love you all!warren (and for pat ellwein as well--aka ZOOM AND HEINSITE...)

[cameron]

Hey Warren and Pat,Sorry I'm late getting to the party. Been a little caught up doing other stuff yesterday and today.Well, I'm a little like Bill Gaunce in that I either like a song or I don't, and I like this fine. Quite a huge improvement over the original. OK, so you guys are looking for specifics so let me play it again...5 minutes later: I like the sound of the piano in the opening. Reminds me of Badfinger's "Come and Get It" (the tone of the piano, not the notes).The rhyming structure is inconsistent. I don't notice it when I listen to the song, but I do when I read the lyrics.The bridge seems a bit long and doesn't break any real new ground to me melodically. I think it wouldn't seem so long if the second part of the bridge went to some kind of interesting chord change.I do like the chorus, especially the "wont you stay, just one more day?" hook.I'm not as bothered with the lyric details as Steve or Liam (probably because I suck at lyrics) but I more or less agree with how Steve scored it numerically. I'd probably give it a 7 for overall tone instead of his 6.I see others mentioned that it needed to build earlier, but I didn't sense that.I've listened to it about four times now. Nice tune. I'm not sure where it fits genre wise, but I guess that's what the call Indie Rock these days? Hell if I know.Keep up the good work you two!!Cameron

[heinsite]

thank you cam for the listens!damn i'm personally glad you're a little like gaunce in that respect! obviously me too... thanks for all your comments, glad you "suck" at lyrics--we'll take that as a compliment--but based on some of the comments, so do i perhaps! (though pat's are right on!!!) and the indie rock vibe is just about where we think it belongs, but i'll let zoomster comment if he wishes. he took a very rough POS and got it to this point!! i get your bridge comment too BTW, it was one of our thoughts as well as we went through this, and you're not the first to mention it. of course i now LIKE it...LOLbut we'll see what the pros think, it's being critqued and hopefully it aint like rodney dangerfield's joke "doc, i want a second opinion! "OK, you're ugly too!"all the best,warren

[zoom]

Thanks for the comments Cam!It's good to get a wide variety of opinions on this piece, as I know it's still a bit quirky at least in spots. And that's an interesting thought about the bridge, so I might have to play around with it a bit to wrangle it some more.I would say this piece falls in the singer/songwriter range of things -- which really does include a lot of different genres like indie rock, AAA, etc. The original had almost a european style, so I tried to work that in as well.Again, thanks for the listen gang, and more comments are welcome!

[wignelson]

Warren and Pat,This song has the potential to become a fine filler song for an album, but not a headliner. That is to say, I don't see it as the title track for a couple of reasons.Obviously you both know your way around song writing so I won't mention the obvious shortcomings that have been touched on already.The "effected speech" used (by Pat presumably) is bothersome.Especially in the bridge. I think there was only one end word that you didn't add an "h" to and draw the word out by adding syllables.That may be your signature sound, but it grated on me after only one listen. Would you ask the demo singer to do the same phrasing?Another thing that bothered me was the constant harmony. The whole song is in harmony which was grating as well.I would have liked to hear Pat sing the line as a single and then harmonize with himself on just a few words, like at the end of the line for emphasis.This may sound harsh to you, but I'm only trying to help. The song has potential and you guys obviously have talent.Lyrically, there are a lot of generalities and I try to avoid phrases like "down that road before," but nothing stands out as really out of place except for the phrase, "Take it back."When I take something back, I essentially stop doing it. I wish I could take back this review of your song, but I can't, so I'll just stop doing it. (don't mean to be negative)How about "bring it back" or "get it back?"This is a good co-write and deserves a re-write. I hope this helps you guys and you don't think that as a newbie, I'm out of place here.I'd just remind you that of the hundreds of songs I've written, very few didn't warrant a re-write for some reason or another.Peace, Wig

[heinsite]

hey wigs--thanks for taking the time to respond. the lyrics are mostly mine, (exept the bad ones, they're zoom's...LOL) but are still being tweaked. pat took this on to sing and to rewrite musically, and i think did a great job with what he had. it is now OUR job to make it the best it can be. since this is still a work in progress and we are awaiting a pro critique, as well as seeking the good folk's comments like yours here on the forum, we'll amend as we feel is needed. i'll speak for us both for now and say everyone's candor is important to us. we'll see what happens when we get to the finished product.all the best,warren

[zoom]

Hey Wig!Thanks for the comments... I'll answer your top concern anyway. Like I stated at the top, this would be farmed out eventually as I don't think I particularly nailed the performance at all here. I hear what you're saying about the effected speech, but that was my way of trying to emote an extremely desperate plea as well as maneuver around vocally... and would not be a mandate for any other singer on the project, as long as the emotion is captured.Also, the phrase "take it back" was something I insisted on... because the full phrase is "we've shared one heart so long, let's take it back" is very forceful -- and shows the passion and desperation even more... whereas bring or get don't really convey as high of an emotion for me. And, since I was singing I got final say. Wig, I do appreciate you taking the time to comment... no matter the opinion. Just by taking the time to write a critique tells me that you want to help... so no worries!