Same Shirt Different Day (added Taxi critique)

[cameron]

Liam - yes, I'll be at the Rally so we'll see you there. I owe Steve a beer too. I hope Steve won't mind me saying that he PM'd me when I first posted this song telling me that I needed more verse/chorus differentiation. I had fought that writing the song but had made changes and told Steve that I thought that they were different enough now. Well, I just got this pro critique back from Taxi and sure enough, the screener agrees with Steve. Steve also thought the lyrics were the best part of the song, and that's what the screener says too. Funny, because lyrics are usually my weakness. So from now on I'm gonna save my $20 and have Steve do my critique. Maybe he works for beer. The whole review is below if anyone is interested. I think it's great that the screener went into such detail. I like to have #152 do all my critiques from now on. Is that something you can request for a custom critique?Cam==============================="Overall CommentsHey Cameron; Greetings from Screener #152, and thanks for giving me the opportunity to do this more in depth custom critique for you. And I appreciate the questions you asked. So hopefully I have a few kennels of wisdom to impart for you. And if not, at least will have some fun in trying. And right off the bat I salute you for wisely trying to get a better sense of things with this song, BEFORE you make the demo. We so often are making all these comments and suggestions of changes to songs when all the money has already been spent, and the writer doesn't have the money or energy or both to really do much about what we say.A lot of our suggestions therefore fall on deaf ears, in the name of pitching a song to a listing and hoping to get it forwarded So you're already thinking pretty smart here as far as I'm concerned. And you singing it roughly for now, and resenting the song in basic form is no problem for me. And if you read the individual boxes to the right, you'll see I pretty much already covered everything the best I can in greater detail. So all in all, I'd say that you're pretty much ready to demo this, with the exception of my comments on changing some of the melodic ranges around before you have the singer do this to maximize the contrast. But the lyrics, basic structure, and overall feeling of the song are pretty strong, even in this rougher form. I think you have a darn good song on your hands potentially.StyleFunny enough, I've heard a lot worse than this that is being called the finished demo,. much less the work version before you make the full pro version. If it sounds reasonably good in just this form, i can only imagine what a full on Nashville demo service treatment will do for this. And even in its' rough form this is clearly a solid, and modern enough sounding Country song. And in fact, more than other genres, the changes from year to year in the market, are less about thew production style and singing anyway, and more about the inner craft of it. In many other genres, it's all about the outside sonic view first and foremost, and the song craft 2ndMelodyThe biggie here and the main suggestion I can make to help is there isn't enough contrast in the range of the melodies between verses and choruses. Although the rhythm of the chorus melody under the title is distinct, and does have some memorable element to it,because the actual notes you sing on the title and most of the chorus are in the same range as the intervals you use in the verse, they tend to neutralize each other out a bit. For instance, if you kept the exact same patterns and rhythm of the chorus melody but started the actual notes an inversion higher (or whatever other things you could do), and kept it more up there through the whole chorus, it would highlight the differences more between the chorus and verse. Or as the chorus by itself is pretty strong and only gets muddied because the verse range is similar before it, maybe you should keep the chorus exactly as it is, and play around instead with ways to change the verse around so it gets out of the way of the chorus more than the other way around. But whatever you do, you'll be amazed at the difference such a subtle but important re-write of the melodies would doStructureThe basic structure works fine, and so the full demo production you would add will probably add just the right amount of extra sparkle in those areas on top of this.LyricMy favorite elements of the song , and as it should be in Country anyway where lyrics rule at the end of the day no matter what the music does or doesn't do. And in any top shelf Country lyric, it's got to be in the specific imagery, & as many real life, down home story details you can offer as possible, that lift a lyric out of the ordinary. It's almost like a 3 minute movie come to life in words, moment by moment. Each line needs to be the next shot in that movie in full living color. So by that philosophy, you do pretty well here with the kind of specific details I love in lines like....to eat my Pop Tart and my bowl of TrixorI'm gonna head to the Florida Keys to stayorScrape the ice off the ChevroletIt's all in the details. You could just as easily have said I'm gonna scrape the ice off my car, I'm heading south to stay, or gonna eat my cereal and have some toast. That's the more general way to say the same things, but it's the real life specifics that matter most and make it so real in Country. So kudos to you for that, and your overall cohesiveness in this area of the songTitleI love this title. The funny thing about these kind of Country twist the cliche' phrase around titles that are meant to be snappy is they only work if the twist is a fresh one. A lot of times what was intended to sound fresh or colorful, comes off as forced or sometimes pretty generic or embarrassing. But this is a fresh twist and said in a colorful way that instantly tells you the whole story in four words. Very well done, and an excellent start to the song. I'm a big believer anyway in the power of a fresh title like this as the first opportunity to draw the listener in. And this is surely gonna do that more than the usual "Love you forever" school of title thought that is so prevalent in many genres of music. But surely not in Country"

[heinsite]

damn if this morning i didn't look for "company shirt" as i thought it was there, and couldn't find it--damn zoomster, there you go being nit picky again...LOL!however, i do like company shirt, can you say it twice? maybe... but i'd steer away from the latest suggestion cam, it's just TOO specific, damned some of the critique points up there.you did get a good one, BTW, but i still think the CHORUS is solid as hell, and if he/she didn't like the closeness of the music between verse and chorus, my vote would be to tweak the verse music!!the best,wh

[cameron]

Yeah, I've spent all evening trying to do that. The trouble is, the lead vocal in the chorus is using such low notes that I can't go any lower in the verses, and I think you want the chorus higher than the verses, right? Maybe I can get that guy from the Oak Ridge Boys to sing the verses. I thought the harmony parts in the chorus took care of the "lift" but I guess not everyone agrees. I've also tried changing the chorus melody and so far haven't found anything that works. I like the harmonies as is so don't want to mess with them. Cam

[sgs4u]

Man up Cam! You rock in the most important way for posting this after all your friends were saying such nice things about the tune. Thanks for sharing the GROWTH, buddy, for all of us to witness.For all you Taxi cats who thought this was a great song, your gonna need to dig a little deeper next time. It doesn't matter if you agree with me, or if you think I'm a jerk for telling you this. We're all coming here to learn, this is a perfect thread to do it with. Songs hafta be REALLY good. Not kinda nice. Warren, read the Taxi custom critique again. This chorus doesn't get big enough. The verse doesn't need to be smaller. Then there would be 2 broken parts...

[Casey H]

Hey CamThe chorus differentiation thing is something we all struggle with.. Lets face it, a killer chorus that stands out is the hallmark of a hit song (99.9% of the time). If it was easy.... well, you know... I struggle with this on every song. And once we get our first idea in our heads, we are stuck in our own paradigm.Suggestion... Just as a starting point to get ideas rolling... Sing your chorus with "shirt" as a long stretched out, "shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirt" on a higher note in the chord. So there will be an interval jump from "same" to "shirt" bringing you out of the same group of notes as the verse. And by making "shirt" a long one, you've changed up the rhythm pattern. Now I am NOT saying, by any means, that is how your re-write should be. I'm just throwing out ideas (for thought stimulation) based on a few common tricks-- changing up the note length pattern and getting some lift. Best of luck! Casey

[zoom]

Hey Cam -- thanks for sharing the review!My suggestion for the lift concern is this... transpose it up a third or a fifth or whatever. That will give you plenty of room on your lower range to play around and find what works. I think the chorus is really strong, and I don't think you should go messing around with it too much.Yeah, it's a pain in the ass... trust me! I've been in a similar boat with one song, and changed the key 3 times from the original to find that "magic" key. While the process sucks, the end product will be better for it.HTH!

[cameron]

Good ideas Casey and Zoom. The problem I'm having (or not understanding) is that the harmonies are a third higher than the main vocal part, and I run into them whenever I try to lift the lead vocal. If I raise the harmonies a third it sounds funny. I've tried extending "shiiiiiirt" like you say in the harmonies, Casey, and it sounds ok. Maybe I'll just have the background vocals sing the lead there (as "Same Shiiiiiiiiiirt, different day") kind of like "The Cuervo Gold, the fine Colombian" in Hey Nineteen-- not that Steely Dan is really a paradigm of how to write commercial songs-- but I've played with that a little and it seems to work. Not sure if it'll provide the differentiation I'm looking for. Back to the studio (aka the spare bedroom) to try it out.Cam

[zoom]

Hey Cam.... I realize I wasn't specific.... I meant transpose the entire song up a third or fifth.... not just the harmony. Sorry for any confusion on that!

[heinsite]

damn you guys--though i don't drink THAT stuff, all the thirds, fifths, you've lost this non-musician--wait i do know what a fifth is...LOL. but glad that casey, zoomster and cam at least know what their talkin' about, and i'm sure most of you others too...gunna half to read up on being a musician someplace, LOL!wh

[Casey H]

Sept 26, 2008, 6:31am, cameron wrote:Good ideas Casey and Zoom. The problem I'm having (or not understanding) is that the harmonies are a third higher than the main vocal part, and I run into them whenever I try to lift the lead vocal. If I raise the harmonies a third it sounds funny. I've tried extending "shiiiiiirt" like you say in the harmonies, Casey, and it sounds ok. Maybe I'll just have the background vocals sing the lead there (as "Same Shiiiiiiiiiirt, different day") kind of like "The Cuervo Gold, the fine Colombian" in Hey Nineteen-- not that Steely Dan is really a paradigm of how to write commercial songs-- but I've played with that a little and it seems to work. Not sure if it'll provide the differentiation I'm looking for. Back to the studio (aka the spare bedroom) to try it out.CamHey Cam It might be better if you ignore harmonies completely right now and focus on melody. Letting harmony issues distract you is not the way to go, IMHO. Heck, some songwriters write melody without chords at all first so they can focus on just that.So, come back to arrangement issues once you've nailed the verse/chorus melody stuff for the song. You've got great material there to work with for that song! Casey