New Tarp On Your Trailer Tonight--More Comments??

[heinsite]

hi guys,if it's possible (i know all of us are damned busy!) can i get just a few more comments on this tune--honesty as always please.thank you!! ps: I screwed up the title, it's OUR trailer--still have the old version in my brain...sorry...http://www.broadjam.com/heinsitehttp:// ... %20.mp3New Tarp On Our Trailer Tonight Verse 1I took a chance and checked on youI was gone too longOn your face I saw what I had hopedThe hurt I caused you had finally faded onWith a teary smile you held the tarp and ropeChorusThat nasty storm blew in right on timeJust let it pour the anger's goneYour smiling eyes still shineYou never looked so lovelyIt's never felt so rightThere's a new tarp on our trailer tonight(small inst. bridge)Verse 2We feel the thunder shake these walls as we drink our beers.We talk about the days I stayed awayIn this dim old trailer lightWe talked about that stupid fightThank God you smiled when I asked to stayChorus X2Outro VerseI took a chance and checked on youI was gone too long. . .

[jay10music]

WARREN.....I think your just showing off cause this song is so great..... But I'll give u the words u need to hear.. GREAT....GREAT...GREAT....GREAT....GREAT....GREAT....GREAT....GREAT....GREAT....GREAT... ok.... JAy.....

[heinsite]

LOL's my friend, no, i only got 4 responses (other than mine i think the first time), so truly want to hear more. showing off? not me, can't do that with the lack of success i've had...but i will when either 1) i get forwarded, or 2) when something gets bought! LOLs and thanks for showing up again my friend.warren

[bwrenhewmach]

Its a great song Warren no matter what you call it.mB

[geo]

Hey Warren... good tune.... production's clean..... but (I know sorry buddy ).... I think you need to tighten up the lyrics a bit.... get the story down more..... (insert obligitory reference to Nashville high bar here )....Please consider....I took a chance and checked on you(We've) Been separated so longBut on your face I saw what I had hopedThe hurt I caused you had finally faded onWith a teary smile you held the tarp and ropeThat kind of sets up the relationship a bit... ties in with "Our Trailer"....We feel the thunder shake these walls as we drink our beers.We talk about the day I walked awayIn this dim old trailer lightWe talked about that stupid fightThank God you smiled when I asked to stayI think the "stayed away" and the "asked to stay" sounds too similar, like a repeated rhyme....On the chorus I love the hook (last line) but I don't like the "nasty storm" phrase.... though I haven't been able to come up with a good suggestion... sorry .... but something like...That summer storm blew in right on timeJust let it pour the anger's goneYour smiling eyes still shineYou never looked so lovelyIt's never felt so rightAnd there's a new tarp on our trailer tonightI think the "And" is needed just so it's known the trailer isn't all the singer is concerned with I think it's real close to being a great song Warren... just a little tweaking with the lyric....I've listened like 10 times.... really cool song!!Good luck, Geo

[heinsite]

thanks geo!and damn if i didn't have some of your suggestions in there (after 4 years on and off with this)the "and" was there right before demo, took it out as i thought it needed it...maybe not?"summer" storm was in it a couple years ago, along with the guy kicking up dust in the first verse that i cut out....damn, do you read minds?? but i put nasty in in dunno, just sounded better to me..."walked" away is a very good suggestion, if i can scrape up the $$ and ever demo this again, i may just slip that in!the "separated" part, well i just think as is that's understood, but hell, i've been wrong before.thank you VERY MUCH for taking the time to listen my friend, very valuable insights for "heinsite"!!the best,warrenps: and thanks for catching the spelling error...damn, glad somebody's paying attention!!

[bigbluebarry]

Warren... great song! Where did you do the demo at? Sounds great! Country and/or lyrics are not my forte so I don't know how constructive I could be. But as a "listener" I can tell you that I like the song and it sounds great to me! Good luck with it!- Big Blue

[heinsite]

hey blue--since i'm trying to reach listeners, you more than qualify!!! LOL.dig your stuff, thanks for the comment!!the best,whps: this demo was by jimi of taxi's company nashville demos, you can PM her for more info if you're into doing any c/w, ...xoxxo

[jay10music]

Just want to clarify that my company, Nashville Demo Studio is not associated with TAXI

[heinsite]

thanks jimi, i didn't think i said that, and wasn't at all trying to be misleading, ...thanks for clarifying any possible misunderstanding...the best,warren hein