Move On - opinions please

[remmet]

Lately I've been discovering music from the past that I'd forgotten I'd written. Several years ago I went through a short song-writing phase. Tonight I found this one called "Move On." It was written well before the theme to Brokeback Mountain, but there is a similarity in the chorus.Some of the lyrics (especially the phrase ending in "lust") make me cringe now. But maybe some - or most likely a lot - of reworking could turn it into a halfway decent song. Or maybe not. Okay I'll shut up now and just post the darn thing. I'd like to hear any comments.http://www.richardemmet.com/MoveOn.mp3Richard

[cameron]

Richard,I really like the chord progression, especially in the chorus. I think it could be updated without too much trouble, although it would be nice to be able to read the lyrics if you can post them.All in all, a really nice song. I guess my question is what genre it would fit?Cameron

[remmet]

Sept 14, 2008, 9:45pm, cameron wrote:Richard,I really like the chord progression, especially in the chorus. I think it could be updated without too much trouble, although it would be nice to be able to read the lyrics if you can post them.All in all, a really nice song. I guess my question is what genre it would fit?CameronThanks Cameron. As far as genre, I naively cling to the hope that a new one will materialize based on what I write. But really, I'm not sure. Perhaps it could work in a movie about an enduring love that fades?Here are the lyrics:Nothing's forever.We're never home free.We both know that something is changing,And rearranging what was you and me.Oh, oh, oh, oh.It feels like we're coming undone.You know we've had a good run.Now the end has begun.It's time to move on my old friend, my loveWe can move on and just let it go.We'll remember the good times,and learn from the rest.It's all for the best.Let's move on.Time is love's friend. (Maybe change to: "Time is our friend.")But the killer of lust. (Maybe change to: "But can be so unjust.")And as the clock slowly winds down,With barely a sound,Our forever turns to dust.Oh, oh, oh, oh.The days have passed us by.You know we really did try.Why does love have to die?ChorusChorus ending in "I wish you the best."

[orest]

Please don't change it to "time is our friend". There are hundreds of thousands lyrics with that sentence. Think Time is love's friend is more unique!

[remmet]

Sept 15, 2008, 12:01am, orest wrote:Please don't change it to "time is our friend". There are hundreds of thousands lyrics with that sentence. Think Time is love's friend is more unique! Thanks. I think you're right. 'Time is love's friend' is less of a cliche. It's a little harder to sing, though. How's this for those 2 lines?:Time is love's friendBut can turn gold to rust.R

[bwrenhewmach]

Hi Richard I really love your song it is very unique. It Set's a wonderful mood and has a heartfelt senament that a lot of people can relate to. The songs production could be re-worked but as far as the song itself goes, it's a winner. For some reason it reminds me of Gordon Lightfoot's music kinda a folk/pop feel to it. Love it my friend you need to make it the best it can be and then run with it. mild bill

[jay10music]

Richard.....I agree with Mb on this one....I thought of Gordon Lightfoot 2...Take this one 2 the house....It's a winner.....jay...........

[remmet]

Wow. Thanks for the encouragement. Perhaps it's like finding a dusty old antique in the attic that you thought was a piece of junk. Could it actually be worth something?Once I polish up the lyrics a bit, I would like to re-work the arrangement to make it more contemporary. But making contemporary-sounding pop arrangements has never been my strong suit, so I'm wondering if any of you who are good at this might like to work with me in producing an arrangement. Just a thought.Richard

[remmet]

I've been thinking about some lyric changes (see lines in parentheses) below. I'm not sure how well they work. I like the image and metaphore of gold turning to rust, but it doesn't adhere to real-life chemistry. (Iron turns to rust, not gold.) Is this a problem?I'm also not sure about "Our time has passed us by" and "And as the clock slowly winds down." Kind of cliched?Anyway, here are my revisions. I value your opinions.Nothing's forever.We're never home free.We both know that something is changing,And rearranging what was you and me.Oh, oh, oh, oh.It feels like we're coming undone.You know we've had a good run.Now the end has begun. (But now the end has begun.)It's time to move on my old friend, my loveWe can move on and just let it go.We'll remember the good times,and learn from the rest.It's all for the best.Let's move on.Time is love's friend. (Time falls away)But the killer of lust. (“And gold turns to rust.”) And as the clock slowly winds down, With barely a sound,Our forever turns to dust. Oh, oh, oh, oh.The days have passed us by. (Our time has passed us by.)You know we really did try.Why does love have to die?ChorusChorus ending in "I wish you the best."

[heinsite]

hi rich--i'm one of the few that hasn't yet seen brokeback, nor most of the famous stuff lately...but will...so i have no reference here...i LOVE THIS DAMNED TUNE, your vocal (is that you?) is strong, has conviction, and you draw us into the tune early on with your vocal passion--splendid--, before you get softer with the chorus...and...the chorus is beautiful man, great job....oh oh, oh oh, very powerful, with some very normal and straight forward lyrics--not real clevor, and thank god, that's the strength in this tune IMHO!! DO NOT CHANGE THE LYRICS DAMNNIT!!! i'm dead serious...."it's all for the best"...early on it's slightly throws me off before you get to the chorus, , but i LIKE THAT ASPECT ALLOT. again the chorus is worth the entire price of admission my friend, i hear zero, nothing, nada that is wrong with this quality tune....a wonderful melody, well produced, mixed well too! i should be so friggin' lucky...now move on, and dig up some MORE of these "old" tunes, man, really really good, as i'm gunna stream this for the 3rd time...just did, and it just gets better...if this tune does not find a home here at taxi, some friggin' screener is again f-ing DEAF!! oh, did i say i liked it?...all the best,warrenps: again, change NOTHING! IMHO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!