I Must Stay - Traditional County

[teashea]

Here is a traditional country song that Bill Creel and I co-wrote. Bill sang and recorded the demo at his 10 Acre recording Studio. I sure would appreciate any comments. I know that it is too long to be ideal for pitching (But I did submit it to a couple of listings on Taxi). http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_so ... 717663TomI Must Stayc/ 2008 Thomas Shea / Bill CreelKissing her and missing youIs the thing that I must do.It’s the only thing You can’t understand. There’s a reason todayWhy you’re going away;And I know, I must stay.She is just a little girl.She can’t control her world.I know that she depends on me.She believes in baby dolls, Dressing up in overalls,And I know I must stayShe was born six years ago.Since then I I’ve always known;That I could Never leave her here.As we stand here today,You’ll be on your way.And I know I must stay. She is just a little girl.She can’t control her world.I know that she depends on me.She believes in baby dolls, Dressing up in overalls,And I know I must stayInstrumental BreakYou know I will always missYour sweet smile and tenderness.Always know thatI will think of you.Somewhere inside my mind,I know peace I‘ll find,And I know I must stay.She is just a little girl.She can’t control her world.I know that she depends on me.She believes in baby dolls, Dressing up in overalls,And I know I will stay. She believes in baby dolls, Dressing up in overallsAnd I know I’ll gladly stay.

[cameron]

Hey Tom,I'll have to leave an in depth review for later as I'm short on time, but I'm wondering about the "you're going away but I'm staying" premise of the song. Are you saying that the 6-year old's mother is leaving but you're staying there with the kid? And the alternative would be what? Going with the mother and putting the kid in an orphanage perhaps? I must be missing something here.Cameron

[heinsite]

hi Tom--i listened once, and it's late, this is all i got for you right now IMHO:--the intrumental interlude is 2x too long--i get the words, but needs to be sung by a LADY for more affect--and about an octave higher--needs a bit more of a lift to the chorus.the best,warren

[feaker]

teaNot a country guy, but the production and singing are good.More will comment.Nice to meet youpaul

[teashea]

Cameron, I appreciate you listening. The song is about a guy who has decided to stay with daughter and wife. He is breaking up with his lover and she is going away. Tom

[momof4]

Wow...okay, so hearing what the actual meaning of the song is vs what I thought it was about (which was Cameron's interpretation), I'd say that you might want to take another stab at your lyrics. I didn't get at all that you were talking to "the other woman"...I do like your lines "She believes in baby dolls, dressing up in overalls", and if you ask me, I think you should make that your opening line, and set up the story better. Like, tell about your little girl, how she means everything to you, and then introduce "the other woman" and how you've got to "say goodbye". This will be tricky, however, because you've got so many different "she's", so...I don't know. Maybe if you change the point-of-view to THIRD person, then you could clarify things a little better. Hope all that makes sense...Erin

[momof4]

oh, also, "I Must Stay" is kind of a bland title. How about "Baby Dolls and Overalls"? Or, better yet, change the whole meaning of the song, and make it about "Dolls in Overalls"...and talk about how you're attracted to "tough" but still feminine women!just brainstorming...

[cameron]

Hi Tom,OK finally got some time and gave it a good listen. This is a nice traditional country tune, with a good melody, that sounds like something you would have heard on the radio in the 60s or early 70s by Johnny Rodriguez or Marty Robbins. I don't think that there would be a current market for it (unless it were given an update) except for film or TV placements, but I suspect you already knew that.I agree with Erin that the meaning of the song is unclear. I really like the "Kissing her and missing you" opening line. That makes it pretty clear, in the first five words, what your song is about, but then I got confused by the lines that followed it. The opening line is perfect, and it makes you want to hear more. IMHO, the next few lines should make it clear that you have a daughter at home with your wife, that you can't leave, and that would set up the rest of your song.I do like the overalls and baby dolls lyrics too, but it is almost like you have two themes going here. I understand that overalls and baby dolls is just a way of saying what endears her to you, but I'm not 100% sure it works. It would be interesting to hear what others think on that.The present lyrics flow really well with the music, but I think they have to tell the story a bit better.Also, as pleasant as it is there isn't any real musical or lyrical hook. I know that it's easier to find fault with someone else's song than to do it right yourself, so I can appreciate what you're up against. It's a nice song, but I think these are things that the pro screeners would mention.Cameron

[teashea]

I really appreciate the comments. Very helpful to get these perspectives. ThanksTom

[jay10music]

TOM....Great country song...... Love your voice on this piece.....fits like a glove.....Great Lyrics.. And the production is TOP SHELF...... JAY......