"Sing Their Song" - kinda country, I guess?

[devin]

I'm doing the "50 songs in 90 days" challenge, with a goal of exploring other genres (because I don't have to have perfect production to say "I'm done that one now" and move on )Here's a song that I kinda like...I wrote it with some of the country listings in mind.Can you give me your thoughts? All things are wide open for feedback...although I left in a few pitch errors for the sake of time (thank you allergies! )http://www.thepondstudio.ca/STS.mp3Sing Their SongFlowers all aroundGrandma's folded handsGrandpa sits me downHe speaks to help me understandSon...we leave to make some room for youIn this perfect worldNow listen to what the preacher saysIt will help you with the hurtAnd the preacher says... We do the best we can To treat each other right Friends to hold our hand Someone to hold us through the night And when a friend moves on We watch their sunset Until the light is gone Then it's time to sing their song It's time to sing their songThe family gathers 'roundTo comfort my grand dadHe's feeling pretty downHe speaks as I hold his shaking handSo much left undoneSo many words to sayI wish I found the time Somehow, I wish I found the wayBut the preacher said: We do the best we can To treat each other right Friends to hold our hand Someone to hold us through the night And when a friend moves on We watch their sunset Until the light is gone Then it's time to sing their song It's time to sing their songWe do the best we canTo treat each other rightFriends to hold our hand

[lqrose]

Hi Devin,I'm not a musician....but I like the message here. I'm trying to remember some Native American legend I once read about .... and please forgive me if I'm wrong....about a song sung at the birth of a child and at the death of that life.....this song makes me think of that.A song that starts at our birth and ends at death....Well, I have had a glass of wine...but I like the message.BestLqrose

[geo]

Hey Devin.... cool tune, got some good things to build on here... lyrics (chorus especially)....won't attempt to answer "is this country" cause I would be wrong .... Two areas you might consider looking at......The verses and chorus are sung in a similar melody... similar line lengths.... maybe try stretching out the verses more... so the cadence of the verse and chorus differs so you have more defination....And maybe build a bit (rhythm section) and go up on the last lines of the chorus with the lead vocal...Then it's time to sing their songIt's time to sing their song.... to make the hook stand out a little more?My 2c.... good luck with it....Peace, Geo

[aimusic]

Hey D,I really like this song - I don't know much about country so I can't give any advice, just a few words to say nice track, I agree with Geo i that the verse and chorus are sung in a similiar melody - I think if that were to be changed slightly then you'd have a sure winner here.!Good luck with the rest of the challengeTake CareB

[feaker]

Nice DevinCan't imagine producing tunes at that pace. Do you have time to eat etc?Lots of nice lyrics on the board lately.Paul

[jchitty]

Hey, Devin....cool song. I think this is definitely country...it's the kind of song Nashville likes. I do agree that your verse and chorus sections could use more contrast, but you might achieve that by simply adding a few more instruments. (bells and whistles) Yeah, it's always great to make sure your chord structure supports a good contrast between the chorus and the verses, but if the song is set in your mind and you don't want to change it, sometimes changes in production can help.

[heinsite]

nice job devin--and yeah a little pitchy dawg....i really like how the drums kick in for the chorus's. one trick that's sometimes used to differentiate a bit more on the chorus if you chose to is to add a higher harmony line in the back, just far enough back to hear it. actually i can hear the current chorus if sung with a few of the end notes in the lines higher, making it more distinctive.good start, but i've one mediocre c/w forward in my taxi life, so feel free to listen to just about ANYBODY else--ha! and 50 songs in 90 days? hell, i've written 80 in four YEARS....crazy contest in my opinion--do you win anything? i know many are doing it, just haven't paid attention...the best,warren

[devin]

Wow, thanks for all the fine typing gang...Your ideas are great! I'm in forum withdrawl, spending so much time tracking for this 50/90 thing (but, as predicted...more time tracking is what I need...SO...MUCH...TO...LEARN).Lqrose: I'm glad you liked it...I'll have to check out the song at birth & death thing...I'm facinated by stuff like that...maybe I'll get a few ideas for the other songs I have to write. Geo: I totally see the differentiation thing now...all I currently have is a switch from sidestick to snare in there. I'll try to go up with the vox (although, that's almost my top end, I'm sorry to admit...I better go visit Hummingbird!). I'll certainly look at the singing cadence too...I like the chorus the best, so I'll do what you said and try increasing the syllable count/speed in the verse. Thanks!Brad: thanks bro! I know you've been knocking yourself out with the video game listings too. And I owe you an e-mail on our tune. Feaker: If I lost a few pounds, my wife would at least see SOME benefit to this challenge! But it isn't as bad as I thought...one hour of writing in the morning, then jotting down ideas during the (work) day, and one hour tracking at night. I keep a guitar in my office at work. Add in a couple of sessions on the weekend, and my "less quality more quantity" approach is starting to work...I'm already playing a bit better.Chits: I wouldn't mind getting a forward some day for country...my father played it (incl Nashville), and I grew up with it. I'm open to changing the chords of the song for sure...it's just my vocal range is so limited. Maybe I'll contact Jimi and see if I can falsetto my work tape, and her team can do the real deal? My dream in this 50/90 challenge is to come up with 3 songs I feel are good enough to demo for country (I don't buy lottery tickets or visit Vegas...so this can be my planned gamble?!? Hehehe). Warren!! You've jumped the country forward fence...(*bows*). The only thing I win in this challenge is the ability to write faster, and hopefully have a few good things come out while boring everyone with my enhanced rambling.Judging by this reply....I'm already past the point of being succinct and to the point.Thanks again for your time gang, it is greatly appreciated.

[cameron]

Hey Devin,You've got a pleasant tune going here and some nice chord changes. A little dobro in there would really make it. Chits and Geo et al have already mentioned about the need for a verse & chorus differentiation, and any commercial success will require a big 'ol hook that isn't there now, although I guess maybe that's not quite so necessary for film and TV listings.Good luck with it.Cam

[squids]

Hey Devin,Wow, congrats on the 50/90 thing, that's great! This is an honest effort and like chits, I hear it as a country sub myself. You've already read everyone else's thoughts about chorus differentiation....I was thinking you could maybe take your bridge, slap it into the second verse and then the chorus would appear differentiated jes from that, then write a new bridge. Huh. That might work. On paper, hahahahahah!! Anyway, carry on! Well done!