A Newbie Ventures In ... Be Kind!!

[cyndy]

Gosh, I'm scared to do this... to put my first real song out there for opinions. (Especially since it's a "country" genre.) I'm seeing just how "approval-oriented" my childhood has made me. LOLhttp://www.taximusic.com/song.php?song_id=102690&stream=1I DO feel like I should have done a little something different instrumentally just before the last segment. This isn't really a verses/choruses song.OK... your turn. Thanks!!Back Away From The EdgeHe dangled his toes on the crevice of timeWell really, it was the diving board edgeHe looked down in fright at the watery sightAnd knew it was way 'oer his headSome boys called him "Chicken"And threatened to tossThe 3-year-old off, then they frozeAt a voice strong and low that the toddler did knowDad said "Son, back away from the edge."Many everyday people have now reached the timeWhere they're standing with toes on a lineThey've tried looking left & they've tried looking rightBut nothing is all they can findIt seems like the answer to all of their painIs to just end it all, there's no hopeCan't somebody get them away from the edgeAnd reach them with more than just ropeBut you've got cardboard cathedralsWith legos for people sitting there filling a pewIs it any wonder that some folks go underWhen trying to look there for truthEven hard-hearted people all know that a steepleShould represent more than a bellWhat we need are the kind of preachersWho'll teach to us creatures How to "stay-the-heck" out of hell.If anyone listening to the words of this songHas a moment when something goes wrongAnd it feels like the weight of the world's on your backAnd nobody cares you're aloneRemember the words that you hear in this songAnd know it's for you they were saidTake one more minute to ponder this thought"Please, back away from the edge"Take one more minute to ponder this thoughtAnd please, back away from the edge.Cyndy Tully - (C) 2007 BMI - All rights reserved

[heinsite]

hello Cyndy--first of all, welcome, i'm rather new here too, but i'll say this--NEVER, EVER, EVER, be afraid to share your music with anyone, especially here, as there are no genius's here--just those who THINK they are (all of us, probably, and there may be one or two, i'm not one of them...)now, the song, man, are you the reincarnation of tammy wynette--this is really old time country root music. my only critical remark, as i'm a sometimes country attempt artist with the taxi folks, is that i hear this tune as ALL verses, and no real strong chorus that i can hear. that will be a big deal to the screeners. i'll let the real genius's (see previous comments...) tell you more, but i wish to welcome you more than anything else so late here in san jose, CA, i'm PROUD of you, your tune and i like the title allot. listen to some of the country stuff you'll hear here, and you'll get it fast--today it's all CONTEMPORARY, whatever that really means, listen to your local radio station, and that will tell you what to send in to taxi. a great start and more to a lovely tune. it does need more polish, but so does much of what we all submit to taxi. got to run.love, peace and happiness,mean old heinsite (warren)ps: how's the weather in oklahoma today? my family's roots are a bit higher in I-O-way, though born and raised in san jose, CA.xoxoxo

[questor]

Welcome to taxi!!Very, very nice voice. Song is sung very well, which I think is very hard due to the slow tempo. Don't think you have anything to worry about, your stuff is very nice. Granted there is room for improvement, but that is true of EVERYONE in my opinion. Seems to me you got some solid stuff here. I agree though that the chorus is hard to locate...perhaps a small instrumental bridge to make it a bit clearer in that regard. Nice job! PS(It is a really good idea to post the lyrics when looking for review...while you voice is clear and the lyrics are easy to hear, seeing the lyrics makes it easier to critically analyze the whole 'story' of the song.)

[timbehrens]

Hey there Cyndy, really enjoyed listening to your song. I would echo the sentiment that the song could use a bit of musical variation for a chorus... or an instrumental break of some sort. I really like your voice, think your lyrics are great. I also agree that it might help to post your lyrics with the link. I'd love to see them.I'm fairly new here as well and can relate to the nerves that come about from posting your stuff. Music can be a very personal thing and it's hard to open that up for critique. Everyone here is very kind. Best wishes to you and good luck with the music.

[feaker]

Hi Cyndy. Welcome. Nice voice. Nice song. I have no credentials to judge. There are folks in here with great talent. You will soon know there names. Glad you got up your nerve. Good luck Paul

[vicky]

hey there,very cool sound.....FANTASTIC LYRICSyour voice sounds great.....depending on your goals with this song....as is I think some country listings may work....The way recording 'sounds' is important around here, your instrumentation..may work against you on some listings....just meaning that I'm noticing more listings for a modern feel....I like the idea of a short instrumental bridge....really nice song....good work....let us know...what you do with it..Vicky

[zoli]

Welcome to Taxi Cyndy. I am a newbie as well. Plunging over "The Edge" & throwing your song on here is a sign of letting go of your music in a healthy way. It means you are not prescious about it & it also means that you are willing to hear anything enyone suggests. Go you. It's a tough hurdle to get over. I felt a little unnerved as well.Cyndy. Well done with the song. Very traditional isn't it?! Vocal control would be hard for this genre but you did well. I love the pedal steel in it. Very well played. I started music with a steel guitar as a little boy & always wished I had the pedals to make it countryish but ended up getting into the shadows instead.I agree with the comments of our peers. The song might need a few things but it's not that far from being complete.I felt that it needed a musical intruduction just to set the song up. At least a longer one.I think the istrumentation is plenty. I wouldn't add anymore like you were suggesting.As for the chorus opinions??? I would feel that you could cut one verse out & make it into a "Tripple A" song. Then you don't need a chorus or instrumental. It would probly end in a better time slot as it feels too long at the moment.But on the other hand I have noticed that country do exactly what you have done. If that's the case, then go you. There is no hard & fast rule anyone must follow. Music is a freedom of expression. So inturn makes NONE of us genii.Well done Cyndy.Zoltan

[cyndy]

Thanks for taking time to listen to the song and share your thoughts ... AND for the warm welcome to Taxi.This is an incredible "School of Music !" (with hundreds of teachers) Wish there were more hours in the day to take it all in. What an incredible time to be alive and involved in music, with Taxi as a resource. I think I've died and gone to Heaven!!PS - Heinsite, you asked about the weather today. As usual this time of year, threat of tornado tonight. None materialized. Ah, springtime.

[dgolding]

Hi Cyndy, and welcome to the board I can't say too much about your song, as country really isn't my cuppa tea. It seems to have all the elements of what I would call 'old school' country music though. The vocal, instrumentation. recording and mix sound pretty professional to me. Maybe a touch of compression and reverb on the vocal especially may add some polish.The tune itself is very traditional of the genre. It's been used, with great sucess, many times. That itself may be an area of concern. Maybe some interesting backing vocals, or even strings would add something new to the palate. Maybe even a guitar playing the odd phrase here and there, just to add some contrast and dynamics to the song.There again, I admit that it's really not my area of study, so I could well be talking total garbage Best of luck with the song, and future songs too. Now that you graduated from newbie, you can keep us all informed on progress.

[chrisbee]

Hi Cindy! Welcome, welcome, welcome to TAXI & the forums!I like your voice - you have a really good sense of pitch. You really are not sharp or flat here... not anywhere I could hear - that is pretty darn cool (and rare!! ). The weakest part of the song, for me, is that there is no recognizable chorus. It comes across as 4 verses. I can't sing to you your song's chorus, now that I've heard it. Nothing stands out as the "ahhh... here's where we all chime in and sing along" part, you know?A recognizable and rememberable chorus is key to a pop or country tune. I recommend studying a bit of "song form" - turn on country radio for an hour or 2 and just take notes as to how they set up the chorus.I really wish you the absolute best going forward! You have some key ingredients, you need to add a few more to make it work at the professional level. Keep a-writing! cb