Sweet Country Woman

[Mark Kaufman]

I've been trying to write country lately...not something I'm very familiar with. Any crits would be welcome. The link is to a quick "thumbnail" of the song before I record a full version, so all changes are possible. Thanks!http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_so ... 23708Sweet Country WomanSweet country womanI'm calling againI guess you're alone nowNo family or friendsLife in the cityWill just make you blueYou were made for the countryLike I was born to love youSweet country womanDon't let this go onYou say that townKeeps your feet on the groundBut believe me, you're just stepping into quicksandSweet country womanCome back to your manSweet country womanDon't leave love behindYou traded your blue jeansFor Starbucks and wineBut eyes blue as waterShould gaze at the starsBy a fire in the countryWhere you know who you areSweet country womanI'll be here when you're doneYour life in that townIs bound to bring you downBut the good life's waiting for you in the heartlandSweet country womanCome back to your manSince you went awayOld Jack and JoseAre my only friendsBut I just drink because you're goneThe only shot I really wantIs at winning your love back againSweet country womanYou left me with no oneYou're my lifelineAnd without your hand in mineGot a feeling I'll be sinking like a dead manSweet country womanCome back to your man(Copyright 2007 by Mark Kaufman)

[jchitty]

Oh man, I dig this lyric, Lyle! I can't get your link to open though. These are the kinds of lines that I think could get past the Nashville high bar, no lie. There are simple, but still original and beautifully crafted. Your idea, 'sweet country woman' and her life in the big city and the way she is missed is SO well developed. Good luck!

[ciskokidd]

Hi Lyle,I also couldn't load your song.Cisco

[Mark Kaufman]

Whoops! Okay the right link is in there now. This is just me and a guitar whipped onto a tape for now, but I plan to record it right with full instrumentation soon.Why jchitty, thank you! Can't say I expected someone to think I was even near that bar yet, so that was very encouraging.Unless there is an actual bar in Nashville called the High Bar...This has definitely gone through several incarnations before now. I still think there is some tweaking and trimming to be done, but it feels very close.Thank you so much for the thumbs up! And Cisco, it should be good to go now.-Lyle

[stansongman]

Hi Lyle. I gave your song a listen and looked at the lyrics. I'm pretty familiar with writing country songs, so I hope this will help you. First of all, writing country is really, really hard. You not only have to write something fresh and from a new angle, but you have to make it sound conversational and simple. Also, country that's getting cut is much more pop these days. There is the americana/roots (anti-Nashville) genre which can accomodate more traditional country, but not so much on country radio any more.Lyrically, here are my thoughts: your hook "Sweet Country Woman" is used as the first line of the song which gives this a verse/refrain feel. And you come back to it in each verse pair, so you reinforce the hook. That said, you may want to hold off on using the hook in the refrains until the last line. Otherwise, overusing the hook can become annoying to the listener (there's a fine line here). Also, you change the refrain lyrics every time. In country, you want to try and keep the chorus/refrain the same each time, unless it's a story song. Then you do want to take advantage of that real estate to move your story along. You did something else you want to avoid, called "pimping the hook". Your hook is "Sweet Country Woman", then you use the word "country" again in your lyric. That has the effect of weakening the impact of your hook.See if you can boil this lyric down to say what you want to say more economically, with a lot more imagery (furniture). Anything longer than 3:15-3:30 is risky for a country song (I know, albums are full of 4 minute songs). You want to write the video for the listener, as opposed to telling them. Avoiding cliche's (Jack & Jose), or anything which has been done a lot in songs is important. Saying things like "I guess you're alone now/no family or friends" isn't that compelling (or believable) to the (female) listener. She may have left her family, but she could have lots of new friends in the city. Try to think about it from a different angle. The singer is waiting for this woman to get the city out of her system and come back to the country. So, use imagery from both places to create the contrast. For instance, how do the stars look at night in the city vs. the country? What are the sounds from both? You have to be careful not to chastise the woman in your lyric. The listener needs to like your characters, and the woman is always the hero. How about keeping the focus on him missing her? Or, take it from the angle where he's asking her if she still has everything she had in the country - can she see the stars, hear the crickets at night? Is Sunday dinner after church the same in a restaurant? Does she miss all that? Are you missing the country, because the country and me are missing you - kind of thing.I hope this is not too much, and didn't sound too negative. But, it's really a tough market. Your competitors are folks like Craig Wiseman, Jeffrey Steele, Kyle Jacobs, etc. Another thing to check out is Ralph Murphy's laws of songwriting. He's done lots of research (he's a hit writer and artist himself) and offers really good information. Go to: http://www.ascap.com/nashville/murphy/ Good luck! As I've been told for years, great songs are not written, they're re-written.

[Mark Kaufman]

Stanthesongman,Not negative at all! I very much appreciate the full review, very grateful. Funny, for a long time the choruses did not begin with the hook...that was a new "epiphany"...oops. And in the earlier versions, the singer was the one in the city, missing his sweet country woman...but he was a groveling drunk and I couldn't imagine anyone wanting to channel those earlier lyrics.I think your most relevant point of all is about the style...it's closer to old country western than anything played today, yet really not Americana either. But rather than restructure it, or try to graft the lyric onto a different body, I'll just try to tweak it into lyrical shape and call it what it is...if it doesn't sell, well okay. One thing I notice about the strict rules of country is that they change. Maybe when finished this will find an opening somewhere a few years down the line. I want to keep trying to write country, so I look forward to hearing your thoughts--you got the goods! I'll be sure to check out the link and also your own stuff.Thank you, Stan!-Lyle

[ciskokidd]

Hi Lyle,I don't know that I can say it any better than Stan. His post is full of excellent advice and I agree with all that he said. In this style you have to work like the dickens to get through. As Stan said you are competing with the best writers on the planet in Contemporary Country.That being said keep plugging away and getting better.All the best,Cisco

[Mark Kaufman]

All true! Thanks, Cisco.I'm going to keep working this lyric, like I said...but I have no illusions about this song being any sort of breakthrough. It's practice, really, and actually the hook and the structure were an unfinished idea from 20 years ago. But it helps me to work on it while the real ideas for more contemporary songs are...what...gestating, I guess. Hope to post more likely stuff in the near future. Thanks for the feedback!-Lyle

[stansongman]

I'm glad you found my feedback constructive. The only other thing I would say is just keep writing them! I've learned a few things myself about doing this #1 - the more you write, the more you write. #2, the more you write, the better you get. It's all good. another suggestion is to find other country writers in your area you could cowrite with. that's the best way to fast track your development as a country writer. In Nashville, the whole songwriting world revolves around cowriting. Good luck!