Critique: "Not Right Now"

[joshuaarmstrong]

I would appreciate some constructive feedback regarding the arrangement, performance, production and mix of my song, "Not Right Now." I think the song likely fits somewhere in the AAA/Alternative/Modern Rock genre.I'm getting ready for a big meeting with my producer and I really value the opinions of those on the Taxi boards.Already, I'm thinking that the song needs a bit more grit on both the guitars and vocals (and perhaps fewer bg vocals). Perhaps it sounds a little too dated for a young artist like myself to put out there. What are your ideas to modernize it or to make it more marketable?DOWNLOAD the MP3 here:http://www.taximusic.com/song.php?song_ ... wnload=1Or STREAM the Track here:http://www.taximusic.com/song.php?song_ ... am=trueThe Lyrics:Not Right NowCopyright 2007. Joshua Armstrong.Verse 1:Magazines tell her she’s imperfectDay-by-day she starts to think that wayShe was authentic and inspiredNow her hopes are cast aside She flaunts a pretentious disguisePre-Chorus:Just give her time, Give her time to get her self figured outJust give her time, Give her time to get this life figured outChorus:Not right now, not right now, she’s still learning on her ownNot right now, not right now, she can hear the world calling herJust give her timeVerse 2:Dad told him he could be anythingWhen the letter came, he chose to sign his nameEighteen and courageousNow the road ahead is blood stained redAnd the fate he picks is not just hisPre-Chorus:Just give him time, Give him time to get him self figured outJust give him time, Give him time to get this life figured outChorus:Not right now, not right now, he’s still learning on his ownNot right now, not right now, he can hear the world calling himJust give him timeBridge:Let the glow on the horizonRemind you of the nights you spent On another continentCherish those honest whispersPromises sealed by an enduring Friendship covenantBut life is not always what you make itPeace is made to be brokenHappiness is tomorrowHope is the momentPre-Chorus:Just give them time, Give them time to get themselves figured outJust give them time, Give them time to get this life figured outChorus:Not right now, not right now, they’re still learning on their ownNot right now, not right now, they can hear the world callingJust give them time

[jchitty]

Wow, these are GREAT lyrics...I'm not able to listen to your song, but the lyrics alone should be fowarded. Good luck. I like the lines:But life is not always what you make itPeace is made to be brokenHappiness is tomorrowHope is the moment

[ciskokidd]

Hey Joshua,First of all I agree with Chits on this lyric!! This is a great concept and I really like the way it's built. My only complaint there would be the first half of the bridge lyric. It gets a little mature for your age and also a little vague and existential. Dude, this lyric is so good you need to fix that to fit your age. I abslolutely have to plead with you to get this one right. It really is that good!!I can't listen to the track from where I am now, but will get back to you on that.Best,Cisco

[djdeweese]

Hey Joshua- I think you're right about adding some grit to the sound to make it more contemporary. I didn't have any problem with the lyrics seeming mature for your age, since by your age I know young men and women who have been overseas and/or in the military, so that seems appropriate to me. My only issue with the lyrics was the ambiguity of the lines right before the last chorus. "Hope is in the moment" seems rather optimistic, while the preceding lines ("Life is not always what you make it/Peace is made to be broken/Happiness is tomorrow") seem somewhat grim (after all, tomorrow never really comes). However, that is a bit nit-picky, and you may find that your producer thinks the lyrics are fine, while it is the mix that needs your attention.Best of luck!

[arkjack]

Hi JoshThis is a really nice song and great melodies and harmonic construction. I really like the rise to the high note in the chorus on 'self' and 'life'. That feels real current to me. You can experiment with the underlying tracks in terms of crunchier sound, but it sounds like a nice clean recording the way it is.The comments I have is I don't know that the title is right, feels more like it should be Give em Time. (repeats more often, and its the first and last line of the chorus.) I'd also experiment with the Line 'not right now'. Try singing it only once and leave a pause in the space. Not right now.... he's still learning on his own... it might add some drama and space as well as impact. I think the bridge is a little long as a slow-down part, and it lost me a little there. There are several thoughts coming at the listener one after the other. Even though they are great lyrics and thoughts, shorter, simpler and getting back to the chorus might be a better structural move. Also, I wonder about the way verses changing the point of view from girl to boy and how it flows as a story. It might be that there are two songs here. One that you write about the girl's life, another about the boy. The taxi screener is whispering in my ear - tell us what happened next, how did the story end?Since it has been a while since I've posted a comment, I have to advise you that Article I paragraph 6(b)(ii) of the critique code applies to my comments. That section of the code is disclaimer that I am not an industry expert nor a taxi screener, and I may not have a f***ing clue as to what I'm talking about.....ArkJack