Let Me See Christmas

[trentoliphant]

OKThis was the very first thing I submitted to TAXI (it wasn't forwarded). I would like input on a couple of things. 1) The song itself (lyrics, melody, etc.) 2) A couple of production questions a) I wasn't sure how to get the vocal to sit in the mix right. I don't know if it was the actual recording or just my mixing it. Any thoughts? b) Aside from the quality of the sounds (I have since upgraded many things - don't know if I know how to use them effectively yet), does the arrangement seem to "fit" the song. (I know other arrangement would work, but does this particular one work or not).Let Me See Christmashttp://www.taximusic.com/song.php?song_id=49030&stream=1Let me see Christmas through the eyes of a child, when the world's wrapped in wonder with magic inside. Tinsel and glitter and lights all aglow, sleigh bells and caroling out in the snow. Spending time with family and friends. The season of giving is here once again. Let me see all of the magical sights, let me see Christmas through the eyes of a child.Let me see Christmas through the eyes of a child Let all my cares disappear for a while. Open my eyes and allow me to see just how wonderful this life can be. When my life is tattered and torn comes the promise of Christmas morn.Let me see Christmas through the eyes of the The Child born in a stable so tender and mild. The star shining brightly the night of His birth Angels descending to shepherds on earth tell of joy and love without end - Jesus our Saviour Redeemer and Friend. Let me see joy and peace in my life. Let me see Christmas through the eyes of the The Child. The eyes of The ChildTrent

[flow01]

nice one

[horacejesse]

Well, I like it quite a bit. I feel the musical arrangement is suitable for the theme 98% of the time. I guess the dissonant part on "When my life is tattered and torn," seems out of place. Suddenly I felt I was listening to a different song. I know what you were up to, but I think it is an example of a good idea in the wrong place. You only strayed slightly and momentarily into more of a show tune feel, but I believe it is a major sin for this song.I really was impressed with the changeup at the bridge until that line came along with its baggage. No baggage, please. What you are trying to say is perfectly understandable without it.I think this song is forwardable with relativley minor adjustments. If you feel a song is good, then you should not stop submitting it after one failure.Some of the lines were healvily metered, and I like that too. The tinsel and glitter line. Much of the song reads like poetry, which I like also, but I cannot tell you if that is good or bad in a world where "conversational" lyrics rule the day. They may not rule in Christmas songs.Though not super catchy, your melody is a pleasant one. The song is pleasant to me. Original Christmas songs are not the easiest endeavour, but you did well in my opinion. If I wrote this song I would feel I had a pretty decent chance at some action on it. Don't give up, don't give in. Maybe you have a Christmas show tune. They do exist.

[trentoliphant]

Quote:Well, I like it quite a bit. I feel the musical arrangement is suitable for the theme 98% of the time. I guess the dissonant part on "When my life is tattered and torn," seems out of place. Suddenly I felt I was listening to a different song. I know what you were up to, but I think it is an example of a good idea in the wrong place. You only strayed slightly and momentarily into more of a show tune feel, but I believe it is a major sin for this song.I really was impressed with the changeup at the bridge until that line came along with its baggage. No baggage, please. What you are trying to say is perfectly understandable without it.I'm not quite sure I understand what you mean by this. Is the baggage in the lyric, the harmony, the arrangement?Quote:I think this song is forwardable with relativley minor adjustments. If you feel a song is good, then you should not stop submitting it after one failure.Thanks for the encouragement. Quote:Some of the lines were healvily metered, and I like that too. The tinsel and glitter line. Much of the song reads like poetry, which I like also, but I cannot tell you if that is good or bad in a world where "conversational" lyrics rule the day. They may not rule in Christmas songs.I wasn't sure about this myself.Quote:Though not super catchy, your melody is a pleasant one. The song is pleasant to me. Original Christmas songs are not the easiest endeavour, but you did well in my opinion. If I wrote this song I would feel I had a pretty decent chance at some action on it. Don't give up, don't give in. Maybe you have a Christmas show tune. They do exist. I would like to tweak this and have it be a great song. I hadn't given up on the song yet, I just wasn't sure I had the producing chops to make it great yet.Thanks for your input.Trent

[horacejesse]

Trent, the baggage is in the lyric. "Tattered and Torn ," goes a good way toward killing the songs chances. First of all, it is super cliched. Secondly, it is simply out of place, incongruous with the rest of the song IMO, unless it is a show tune.You tried to get fancy with the music to support the line, but in my opinion it does not work unless, again, you are trying to write a show tune. Musically, that brief section has good and interesting movement, but incongruity trumps all here, my friend. Shorn of "tattered and torn," the music there could work, I think, and that transitional section could even be made longer.I like Michael's idea of classical-iffying the arrangement, with some opportunity for counterpoint.P.S. You can have much better luck with the word "storm."

[trentoliphant]

I thought you might mean the lyric - I hadn't noticed anything until you mentioned baggage but boy does it stick out now. Even if you had mentioned something else, I would want to change the lyric there.How about "Tho' around me blows life's storm"Or, "Let my love and hope be rebornin the Promise of Christmas morn."I had thought about classifying the arrangement - especially in the bridge, but at the time I didn't have a sound that worked. I have better sounds now and this might be a good chance to learn how to use them.Trent

[Casey H]

Hi TrentI think you have the makings of an excellent Christmas song here. You already mentioned you know the production isn't up to snuff yet to effectively pitch it. From a pure song standpoint, I think it's really good. I don't know if my attention would have been drawn to any issues with the "tattered and torn" LYRIC had I not found the change in the music at that point to be unsettling. I think it would have been better to keep the rhythm as it was up until that point. I don't think changing up the rhythm is needed. Real production, with strings, and a build, would probably do the trick without that.I like it. Maybe you can find someone around here to help you with the production side. There is a whole thread asking about Xmas songs (standards) written in the past 30-40 years. Maybe you have the next one!!Keep at it! Casey

[horacejesse]

Quote:How about "Tho' around me blows life's storm"Not sure about that meter. But, please, stay away from things beating you up. You seem to have a real longing for masochism in this sweet song. It is enough to mentionOutside a stormBut inside is warmThough you need more syllables and a meter.Yearly rebornCould have possibilities in your other suggestion.

[trentoliphant]

Good point about the beating up - I was trying to go for a bit of contrast of an adult longing for a simpler time - but you're right the song doesn't need to beat you over the head with it.I really like the yearly rebornHow about"Hopes and dreams are yearly rebornin the Promise of Christmas morn"Thanks for the encouragement Casey. It's amazing how much I have learned about my own shortcomings on the production side since joining TAXI.This was the listing that prompted me to join TAXI. I wrote the song a year ago and originally did a choral arrangement of it for a local choir that has occasionally sung my compositions. Even though I knew that the first arrangement was going to be for choir and piano, even as I wrote it, I was writing with an eye for a solo recording for radio play. When the listing came up - I thought hey I can do this. If I had known how much work I had to do to get my production chops up to snuff (on everything), I probably wouldn't have joined yet. However, I'm glad I did join, otherwise I probably would have kept putting off upgrading my skills. Trent

[horacejesse]

Quote:"Hopes and dreams are yearly rebornin the Promise of Christmas morn"That has a nice ring. And you could still expand the section with storm and warm, if you desired.