Comfort Me

[marcin]

HI!As some of you may already noticed I'm not from the US - BUT I tried to make a "country" song... but I noticed that there are about a MILLION of sub-genres of country, and I'm not so sure what "Comfort Me" is.I'm sure that the lyrics aren't typically country stuff, and of course I don't have the "southern" accent and I think I didn't get the nashville sound, but do you think that this song has got a chance? I mean... ah... just give me your thoughts in general and everything thats on the taxi form.Thanks a lot!Heres the link:http://www.taximusic.com/song.php?song_ ... eByeMarcin

[ddusty]

Hey Marcin,You may have to wait to hear from some of the more experienced country folks here, but in the mean time here is my .02.The music is spot on. I think the playing and the chord progression is very country. Depending on the lyrical melody/content I think this song can go into a few sub genres, both classic country sound and possibly even a new country sound.You should post the lyrics, as it's a little hard to follow them. As you already know the vocals are the area where it loses a little bit. It sounds like you are singing a little too low for your range. That being said, I don't think it's very far off from a good ol' country song.Nice workRob

[marcin]

HI!Cool, thanks for your opinion!Here are the lyrics, writen by a co-writing partnerComfort Me© Justyna Paniec, 2006ICan you say that you didn’t mindThat I’ve made your life easier?That it was the best that I could doCause it made you strongerOr that it didn’t hurt at allThat you didn’t even noticeCan you say it my friend?Say it please to comfort meRefMy head aches, my conscience bitesYour words would be a pain killerOnly you can ease my troubled mindSay it please to comfort meIICan you say that todayWhen you passed me byYou didn’t say a wordCause you had no time?Was it just an ordinaryLack of time?Just to make sureThere were no strings attachedRefIIICan you say that what we hadWas really oh so great?That you didn’t have to shed a tearWhen I had to leaveCan you say that I’m not the oneThe one to blame?That I don’t need to cryPlease lie and set me freeRefSet me free

[marcin]

HI!Thx for the "com...fort me"! after recording it and hearing it several times i also thought "sounds strange" but all the folks around me said - "no, thats ok" - GEE I HATE MY FRIENDS! They're not honest! or not paying attention!I tried to fix that and practiced at home for days - just this one line - to make it sound more natural, but I couldn't make it... the melody forces me to sing "com...fort me" and so I ended up in saying that "Uh, baby I looooooooooove you" sounds as stupid as com...fort me - but that's not an excuse! Well for my next country song I will give much more attention to such thinks. Because I can't make it in this song it's burned in my brain.ByeMarcin

[hummingbird]

Hi Marcin -- hmmm- for some reason I can't get the link to play, but I do have some feedback on the lyrics. I realize they aren't your lyrics, but I will make some comments anyway, assuming that you are interested in pitching songs professionally & would like an honest critique.My first impression on reading the lyrics is that they are not country lyrics, at least not for the North American market. As you can read in discussions elsewhere on the board, the US country music market is a really tough and competitive market. Country is all about story-telling, using visual imagery to convey emotion, saying something universal in a unique & compelling way. You have the added disadvantage of not being native English speakers, trying to write in a genre that requires conversational English. Good examples of conversational lyrics might be Shania Twain. "I'm gonna get ya if it takes all night" Can you say that you didn’t mindThat I’ve made your life easier?This is awkwardly constructed. I would simply say "I made your life easier"That it was the best that I could doCause it made you strongerAnother kinda awkward construction. Simply say "I did the best I could". Really what you are trying to say is "I did the best I could to make things easy for you"That it was the best that I could doCause it made you strongerOr that it didn’t hurt at allThat you didn’t even noticeCan you say it my friend?Say it please to comfort meDefine the "IT's". It doesn't make sense to say "cause it made you stronger OR it didn't hurt at all". What didn't hurt at all in comparison to making /him/her stronger? 'Can you say "it"' - what "it" do you want to be said?RefMy head aches, my conscience bitesNow I don't see how the verse leads to this conclusion. You've said, "I did everything for you, to make you stronger, to help you out" - and now you are saying "my conscience bites"... that implies to me that you did something wrong, not something right. In the right context, that might be a cool line, but for this song, in this context - it's not. Your words would be a pain killer-this is interesting choice of words. Again, a cool line, but I'm not sure if it really works in this 'country' song. Only you can ease my troubled mindSay it please to comfort meagain, I wonder what it is you asking be said - I don't know what "IT" is.IICan you say that todayWhen you passed me by by meYou didn’t say a wordCause you had no time? just looked the other way Was it just an ordinaryLack of time? (I wouldn't repeat 'time')Just to make sureThere were no strings attachedRefIIICan you say that what we hadWas really oh so great?That you didn’t have to shed a tear When I had to leave (why did you have to leave?)Can you say that I’m not the oneThe one to blame?That I don’t need to cryPlease lie and set me freeThe second and third verse read better to me, but I think there are too many questions, and it gets confusing. Verse 3 is convoluted ('can you say that you didn't have to shed a tear when I had to leave'). I'd make statements and tell a story. Right now this reads as...verse 1- I've made your life easier, I made you stronger, and it hurt me because you didn't even notice, my friendverse 2 - you walked by me today, without a word, was it really that you had no time, or was it that you wanted to push me awayverse 3 - what we had wasn't great, you didn't cry when I left, I'm the one to blame, I should cry, but lie to me so I don't have to. (this doesn't seem to fit the story set up already)IMO this isn't really a country lyric, this is more rock or alt rock, I would think. Your choice of words is dark and angry. I would suggest that you take this and rework it to be a rock song. I would still work on re-writing the lyrics so there are no questions in the whole song, just statements 'I know you don't love me at all, but say it to comfort me'Another suggestion would be to write the song in your own language and then get some help to translate it into English effectively. that way your storytelling will be natural & you won't be hampered by the need to be comfortable with conversational English. And I would record two versions - one with your own language and one in English, because both versions could be pitchable.I hope that helps. Please don't be discouraged. I think you have a lot going for you, and my goal is simply to help you the best I can. All of the above is only my opinion and I could be totally out to lunch.warmlyHummin'bird

[marcin]

Uh, that bad? But you're right in every little word you said!The think is I don't care a lot about lyrics - I mean ... I hear them and understand (most of) them when their in english, german or polish... but I never really "pay attention" to them - maybe that's why I have some "bad" lyrics in my songs. I'll have to work a lot on that in ALL of my songs.But thanks once again, that was a very helpful post!BTW I don't know why the link isn't working for you? Maybe a short server breakdown. Try again! ;-)ByeMarcin

[djdeweese]

Hey Marcin- I think the lyrics are pretty good, but I also think Hummingbird is absolutely right. I'm not a country writer, but I did what you did and wrote a "country song" that sounded good to me. The critique I got back said exactly what Hummingbird said regarding the competitive market and the need for lyrics that really tell a story. I had a great melody and good production, but the lyrical style are essential for the country genre. Best of luck!

[marcin]

Hi!So what genre would you pack that lyrics into?Btw... I posted a new lyric in the "lyric lovers" forum called "On Top Of The World". It's a song I'd like to record and again I like the music, but NOW AFTER A SMASHING CRITIQUE FROM HUMMINGBIRD (no don't worry I'm not gonna kill myself because of that - I'm very thankful for all good advices) I rather ask for some oppinions for the lyrics before I start to record anything. ByeMarcin

[flow01]

not gine up

[flow01]

love u all