Is this pitch-ready? -- REVISION

[matto]

Hmm...I'm not sure it's very dramatic or contemporary...it sounds almost more novelty or even Circus-like to me. It is orchestral but doesn't sound very real to me.It would need more of a build I think to make more of a statement. You really have to make the 10 seconds count. I would also get a clear image in my head of what this promo should be used for. What kind of a show would it be useful for? Once you have that I think it will be easier to focus in on what you have to do.I think the string line is too continuous, it needs some rhythmic interest. I also think a clearer tonality (minor or major) would be better. Once you have a good string motif, you could build it by adding an additional octave halfway thru. The same with the brass hit. You could start with Tbones, then add French horns, finally trumpet, so it builds from the bottom up. That would give it more impact and make it sound more dramatic and also more realistic, it sounds a bit cheesy right now.For the drums, the beat is not interesting enough...it would need to be a more interesting rhythm loop, or maybe it just needs some powerful orchestral percussion.That is if you're going for dramatic and contemporary.HTH,matto

[hummingbird]

Thanks again, Matt!!!!!

[hummingbird]

Okay. Caveat #1 - this likely is not contemporary enough for this listing, but I wanted to keep working on this anyway as an educational assignment to improve my composition skills. Matt, I've tried to follow your suggestions. See what ya'll think. I left the original up for comparison.http://www.taximusic.com/song.php?song_ ... truethanks for your patience Hummin'bird

[ciskokidd]

Hey Vikki,I like what you are doing. I am by no means an expert on orchestral music, but the new version is a big improvement to my ears. I am so impressed by the way you take constructive criticism to task and make the adjustments to better your music and understanding.I'll let Matt and the others make better remarks.Cisco

[matto]

Quote:Okay. Caveat #1 - this likely is not contemporary enough for this listing, but I wanted to keep working on this anyway as an educational assignment to improve my composition skills. Matt, I've tried to follow your suggestions. See what ya'll think. I left the original up for comparison.http://www.taximusic.com/song.php?song_ ... truethanks for your patience Hummin'bird I think it's much improved and more interesting now. The brass sustains sound fake, that's really one of the hardest things to get right though and will require some practice...or a workaround (see below). Also, the cue has more of a strange circusy comedy feel to it than a dramatic feel.Assuming you're still going for dramatic, here are a few easy fixes to try:1-replace the long articulation on the violins with a short marcato. This will sound both more dramatic, aggressive, and more "real".2-Replace all the long brass articulation with short marcatos or staccatos, same effect.3-Change the descending brass arpeggio from major to minor (only requires you to change one note, the third)4-Change the last note(s) on that descending brass arpeggio into a sFz swell (you can either use an actual "cresc" or "sfz" patch from the FX folder or make your own swell using a DXF patch). The swell would last approx until the violins hit the high note in their run.5-Put the Timpani hit on the downbeat instead of the offbeat and put a timp roll immediately following it (you can either play the roll or use a timp roll patch), which would swell into the high note of the violin run (you could put another hit there), along with the brass swell.If you do all these fixes, it will sound far more dramatic right away. Next I would eliminate the strange "outside" notes you have in a few places which contribute to giving the cue and almost "comical feel".I think towards the end, the melody/string run gets too chromatic and confusing and therefore doesn't produce the build you need. It sounds like some weird jazzy thing that goes all over, so simplify that and stick with a more straight minor tonality. Finally, make sure in the end, everything hits on a big final note, don't have something (timpani) hit after everything else.If you did all these fixes, you'd be pretty close to a dramatic promo type cue I think.

[ljweber70]

Vikki, I'm extremely intimidated to give suggestions when Matto chimes in Couple that with the fact I'm not an expert in orchestral production and you probably would benefit from my silence But for what it's worth, after you have made the changes, I think this piece is off to a good start in the "suspenseful" arena. -- I hope that doesn't sound dumb -- maybe "drama" and "suspenseful" are interchangeable !?Since the brass patches are weak why not stick to staccato strings and timpani to create a "driving" suspense piece.Larry

[hummingbird]

Quote:I think it's much improved and more interesting now. The brass sustains sound fake, that's really one of the hardest things to get right though and will require some practice...or a workaround (see below). Also, the cue has more of a strange circusy comedy feel to it than a dramatic feel.Assuming you're still going for dramatic, here are a few easy fixes to try:1-replace the long articulation on the violins with a short marcato. This will sound both more dramatic, aggressive, and more "real".2-Replace all the long brass articulation with short marcatos or staccatos, same effect.3-Change the descending brass arpeggio from major to minor (only requires you to change one note, the third)4-Change the last note(s) on that descending brass arpeggio into a sFz swell (you can either use an actual "cresc" or "sfz" patch from the FX folder or make your own swell using a DXF patch). The swell would last approx until the violins hit the high note in their run.5-Put the Timpani hit on the downbeat instead of the offbeat and put a timp roll immediately following it (you can either play the roll or use a timp roll patch), which would swell into the high note of the violin run (you could put another hit there), along with the brass swell.If you do all these fixes, it will sound far more dramatic right away. Next I would eliminate the strange "outside" notes you have in a few places which contribute to giving the cue and almost "comical feel".I think towards the end, the melody/string run gets too chromatic and confusing and therefore doesn't produce the build you need. It sounds like some weird jazzy thing that goes all over, so simplify that and stick with a more straight minor tonality. Finally, make sure in the end, everything hits on a big final note, don't have something (timpani) hit after everything else.If you did all these fixes, you'd be pretty close to a dramatic promo type cue I think.Thank you, Maestro I also appreciate everyone else's feedback & I've tried/will try to incorporate your suggestions.