"TELL ME WHY"

[smaltonian]

Quote:I think this song has "hit" written all over it, whether it's being done by another artistor by you. I think the production quality, musicianship and vocals are good enough forbroadcasting quality. Keep up the great work.STEVEThanks for the good word........i really appreciate the listen

[karyn]

Well recorded, good production and I like your voice. great song as well. Start submitting it. Run it up the flag pole and see if anybody salutes it. I think they will.

[squidlips]

Good production (the fiddle really makes that tune, imho). I don't know if you're studio-dependent or if you have a home studio......I don't like to critique someone who's studio dependent because I know how pricey it is to redo something, if it needs it. The lyrics aren't cut to the bone but that doesn't mean anything, I just like them that way......this has a good melody, the production is good, your voice is well recorded. I say sling it out there and see how far that frisbee goes. Music's a big risk anyway, might as well see if this song's gonna be the thoroughbred or the mule. Won't know until you try, right?

[smaltonian]

Quote:Good production (the fiddle really makes that tune, imho). I don't know if you're studio-dependent or if you have a home studio......I don't like to critique someone who's studio dependent because I know how pricey it is to redo something, if it needs it. The lyrics aren't cut to the bone but that doesn't mean anything, I just like them that way......this has a good melody, the production is good, your voice is well recorded. I say sling it out there and see how far that frisbee goes. Music's a big risk anyway, might as well see if this song's gonna be the thoroughbred or the mule. Won't know until you try, right?SQUIDLIPSSorry for the delay.....been awayCritic is right on....yeah I definitely did it my way...And you are correct I have no studioI'll either hit a homer or go down swingingThanks for the listen

[nknjmes]

Steve,I've worked on some country songs too. I've had many returns but a couple of forwards. I can't open the song at work since the soundclick site is "blocked". I'll check it out when I get home. I did read the lyrics which are really good, but this is what I would expect to hear from the taxi screeners...."too vague...why might she be your worst mistake? What is it about her that makes you not want to let go? If your no good for each other, what is it that keeps you together??" I know this because I've heard it many many times. They want a clear cut story line that explains EVERYTHING, at least for those super hi-bar listings. Libraries and publishers sometimes have a different perspective. Good job. I look forward to hearing the song!

[twilsbach]

Hey Steve,Nice production on this track, you've got a good voice and there is some great guitar work & violin here. You also clearly know to arrange a solid pop song.That said, there is tons of space between each line of lyric and each line seems to start on the same beat. I'd get rid of as much space as possible and play with how that effects the overall rhythm of the melody.

[stansongman]

Hey Steve, I thought I'd weigh in here. I am a country writer. I think the song has some good attributes, but it falls short of the mark in terms of what Nashville is cutting. I think too often folks think that if they have fiddle licks in their song or pedal steel, that it makes a song country. But, there are specific rules to writing a country hit. The first thing is length. For radio (which is what you need to target if you want a cut), it should be medium to uptempo. Ballads are nearly impossible to get cut. Country artists all have their favorite ballad writers, they're usually coming in to the studio with their ballads. Songs should be 3-3:30 in length, tops. For a radio hit, I try to aim for 3 min. 11 seconds. Your intro was really short, which was great. For demos, you want to cut out as much as you can - short intros, minimal if any solos, and bridges only if they're absolutely necessary and are significantly different than the verses/choruses. Next, getting to the hook is key. We were already at over 40 seconds in your demo, and we were only halfway through the first verse. A&R would already have turned it off, unfortunately. One thing to consider with your song is to double up the meter on your verse - you can say all that in half the time. Plus, the verse and chorus need contrast. If you less motion in your chorus, then you need to have the opposite in your verse. If you take half the time to say verse 1, then add a short one-line channel, you'll be at the hook before 45 seconds. And, I think you need to paint a more detailed picture of the situation in your verses. You're kind of at surface-level telling us about it, but I'm not seeing it in my mind. We need detailed imagery and furniture in the verses that let us play the video of your song in our mind.Musically in the chorus, you took it up and it soared which was cool. Actually reminded me of Gary Allan. In fact, check out "Smoke Rings In The Dark". I think the "Tell Me Why" hook could be fleshed out. I didn't really get the "Tell My Why it comes down to you and me". I guess you're trying to say "Why I always end up back with you". Consider something in the chorus like:Tell Me Why you hurt me the way you do, And I'm still here with youTell Me Why my feet keep heading for the doorAnd my broken heart keeps coming back for moreetc, etc......Tell Me Why(only not what I just wrote in 30 seconds, something really good Then in the verses we need lots of detail. Why is he hurt? Why is she his worst mistake? Why are they no good for each other? Can you show that with imagery in a way that lets the listener come to the conclusion that they are no good for each other? Look at Jason Aldean's "Why". It's really simple, but there's enough detail in there that it works well IMHO.If you are going to produce and pitch a country song, why not get your demo cut in Nashville? There are some good demo production houses that do mail-ins. If you give them a good work demo with some references (an artist or song it should sound like), you can get a real Nashville sounding track. All that will help you keep up with the competition.I hope you take this in the right spirit. The bar is extremely high in Nashville for outside cuts, so you've got to best the greatest writers in order to get heard. Happy writing, and Good Luck!-s-

[smaltonian]

STANThanks for your great feedback....I should have qualified this is NOT a pitch I am the artistSo the tune either SINKS OR SWIMS with me as the vocalistThat said it still doesn't change the validity of many of your commentsWhen I re-work this tune after the 1st of the year i will keep an eye on some of the items you discussedThanks