Just a 1-word response

[deantaylor]

Just looking for a 1-2 word responseRate our SONGWRITING (not production-performance).... EXCELLENT, VERY-GOOD, GOOD, AVERAGE, BELOW-AVERAGEListen to BAREFOOT GIRL at www.letstalkmusic.com/deantaylor left column in unfinished songsThanks,Dean and StephenPS If you want, more detailed comments are welcomed.==============================================BAREFOOT GIRLLyrics by Dean Brantley Taylor (ASCAP) www.LetsTalkMusic.com/DeanTaylor Music by Stephen Lawrence www.letstalkmusic.com/Stephen%20Lawrence VERSE 1 I thought she was simpleI thought she was freefrom the conventionsthat this world heedsI thought she had her own mind up inside that head I thought we’d live our own livesbut we’re livin’ theirs’ insteadCHORUSThe barefoot girl, (that) I once knewShe’s all grown up with a big hairdo(Got) the makeup on and designer stylesThe girl I loved has been gone awhileThat barefoot girl, she used to make me smileVERSE 2 She once had true visionShe once had her ownpersonal stylebut now that’s gone She’s all into those Martha lifestyle magazines,buyin’ up trendy products, livin’ out another’s consumer dreamCHORUS INSTRUMENTAL CHORUSINSTRUMENTALENDINGThe barefoot girl, (that) I once knewis covered up by Jimmy Choo’s*END© 2005 by Stephen Lawrence & Dean Brantley Taylor *Note: Jimmy Choo is a famous women’s shoe designer. Alternate line: ‘is covered up by fancy shoes’

[diogenes]

Average-good. Bowie-esque voice. Even though it's not fair, it's hard not to take production into consideration when listening. I would work on production. The horn over the vocal in the chorus doesn't work for me it's distracting. that scratchy, sort of behind the beat guitar I don't really like either. You've got obvious talent though, just trim the fat.-Dax

[jchitty]

I wish I could give a one or two word response, BUT.... First off, Dean....you are a VERY good lyricist. I think you've penned some really original lines here. But the horns were a little too loud....I could barely hear the words in some parts, although I can tell it could be a really good song if you could work on some of the production problems. Plus, I think the pace of the horns was too fast....it's like your vocals couldn't keep up with them.All and all, I'd give "Barefoot Girl" a B minus (moderately good) with the potential for an A. (excellent)BTW, I still can't access TAXI's hosting page for song critiques. Once again, not complaining.....I just want other folks to know why I can't critique their songs. I can access broadjam, myspace and certain other links. Some folks have asked me to critique their songs behind the scenes, but until I can get the TAXI hosting page problem fixed, my 'ole hands are tied. I can't even listen to my own songs on my TAXI page.

[michaelteak]

AverageThere- you have a one-word answer. BUT- I agree that it's really difficult in this case to separate the production from the song. It's one thing to have a song that's just acoustic guitar and vocal, or just piano, drum loop, and vocal, or maybe has some hiss or a few mistakes, etc. In that case you can still here at least a sparse version of the song and maybe imagine it as something bigger, cleaner, or more fleshed-out. In this case I do think that the production and arrangement are actually a bit distracting and make it hard to really hear the song itself. If you don't have any way to use some better sounding samples or synths or record decent sounding guitars, then I think you'd be better off stripping the demo arrangement down to the bare bones. Even better, there are loads of free or inexpensive ways to get much better sounding virtual instruments now- Garageband on a Mac comes with great sounding "basic" instruments, and there are loads of other possibilities.I hope I'm not coming off as too harsh or negative- but I'm trying to be as honest and constructive as I can. I actually DO think that the song has the potential to be much better than "average". And I'd love to hear it if you end up re-working it at all. There's definitely something there worth working on!

[deantaylor]

Thanks folks. I try to make it easy on you, asking for only 1-2 words and then ..... lol .... But seriously, the detailed comments are much appreciated.We plan to have a 3rd party come in and re-produce the whole song. Different vocalist, new tracks, new arrangement, whatever he/she feels is necessary. Michael, interesting idea, maybe we should do a stripped down version first. Chits, I always liked this lyric, too.Dean

[liamkelly]

Hey DeanGot a Van Morrison vibe off this track Songwriting, in a word, is good. But like they've said above - the mix is distracting, the horns are too loud and the horn samples used aren't the best Good song though. Just needs a bit of spit and polish LiamQuote:Just looking for a 1-2 word responseRate our SONGWRITING (not production-performance).... EXCELLENT, VERY-GOOD, GOOD, AVERAGE, BELOW-AVERAGEListen to BAREFOOT GIRL at www.letstalkmusic.com/deantaylor left column in unfinished songsThanks,Dean and StephenPS If you want, more detailed comments are welcomed.==============================================BAREFOOT GIRLLyrics by Dean Brantley Taylor (ASCAP) www.LetsTalkMusic.com/DeanTaylor Music by Stephen Lawrence www.letstalkmusic.com/Stephen%20Lawrence VERSE 1 I thought she was simpleI thought she was freefrom the conventionsthat this world heedsI thought she had her own mind up inside that head I thought we’d live our own livesbut we’re livin’ theirs’ insteadCHORUSThe barefoot girl, (that) I once knewShe’s all grown up with a big hairdo(Got) the makeup on and designer stylesThe girl I loved has been gone awhileThat barefoot girl, she used to make me smileVERSE 2 She once had true visionShe once had her ownpersonal stylebut now that’s gone She’s all into those Martha lifestyle magazines,buyin’ up trendy products, livin’ out another’s consumer dreamCHORUS INSTRUMENTAL CHORUSINSTRUMENTALENDINGThe barefoot girl, (that) I once knewis covered up by Jimmy Choo’s*END© 2005 by Stephen Lawrence & Dean Brantley Taylor *Note: Jimmy Choo is a famous women’s shoe designer. Alternate line: ‘is covered up by fancy shoes’

[deantaylor]

Liam, Thanks for taking the time to listen and give us an opinion. I get the Van Morrison vibe, too. Dean