Been wanting some feedback on this for a while

[mixopenta]

I don't think you should give up on the song, though I can understand it's tough if you have to book a studio and gather busy musicians for such an event.I also think I know what you mean with the "mediocre singing", in that it is not quite up to your usual high standards. I was checking out your other songs at your website, and I just have to say I think you have a truly amazing voice, and talent! It was mesmerizing to listen. I know it sounds a bit cliché, and perhaps a bit over the top, but that really is the word for it. Your sound made me kind of drift away while listening, especially to the cooler jazzy ballads. In "Be Me", it sounds a little as though you're singing around a "weak spot", so to do the song again in a different key, sounds like a good idea, and the song would definitely be worth the effort.Get those dynamics flowing, and do whatever needs to be done with the lyrics (not my field), and I'll bet the song will be forwarded in no time Ulf

[squidlips]

Ulf,You're absolutely right. I pitched it lower than usual, only to find out it was riding one of my vox breaks. I think it's boring as anything and it's my fault it's that way. It deserves a second chance and I certainly owe the lyricist that much. You've been very helpful and your advice will guide me to a quicker turnaround in the studio. So thanks for saving me money, too! Lesson learned and all that!

[geo]

Hi Squidlips, I like this track a lot (big fan of the genre/style Indigo Girls, E. Brickel (?), Alanis), I can only echo some of the opinions here, like the "you" for "it" swap, I think a stripped down sound of drums, bass, wah guitar (love the sound) with the acoustic used as a accent (maybe chorus?) would work. The melody is strong and I think will carry the song along nicely. Good luck with this, now back to work, all of us!! Geo

[squidlips]

You liked the wah? That was the one thing I really didn't like on it, I thought it sounded so hokey......if I'm wrong, please let me know. Leaning on the percussion and bass is a question mark for me, since the acoustic is pretty much holding the thing up at this point if I cut back on the drum pad. Anyone have an idea how to fix that?

[blujonny]

I love the music. "I'm waiting for the day when it never even passes my way" is too confusing. It makes the listener attention drop off because something doesn't sound right there. "I'm waiting for the time when it never even crosses my mind" also doesn't make any sense on a "pop" level. Doesn't even cross my mind might sound better although I still don't know what you mean by those lines. "In My Mother's Womb" sounds a little scientific and sounds too surprising for a pop song. Womb might be considered one of those iffy words to use in a pop song. "If someone can hear me" sounds strange because you descend octave wise but I don't hear the music changing to supplement your vocal change. "Silly transgressions' sounds too intellectual also for a pop song. Sometimes you can get away with obscure words like that but it's usually only in a chorus or a part where it's irrelevant to the ear what is being said. "Dance around in my front yard" the way it is sung sounds like the very end of the song and I would be careful to lift the dynamics of the song that much too soon. I love this song though. Very fun and musically uplifting.

[rnrmachine]

I really like it to Nita, you really could sing prices from the sears catalog and it'd be cool. HAHAYou could sing this in a number of genres too. I think I would like a more with a modern rock band playing along with ya. While my Neice would probably like it with a more "teeny bopper" pop/dance band playing with ya. She's 13 and is still into that sound. Very versitile song here.Rob

[geo]

Yeah, that's right I liked the wah, we each have our eccentricities . I just heard a, excuse the expression, "blue-eyed funk" treatment (in my head) ala "Spin Doctors" or, I don't know the name but there is a video I saw the other day with a guy (Caucasian?) with dreadlocks playing a banjo. An option might be to replace the acoustic with a keyboard, just a suggestion, but I like the song alot...Geo

[squidlips]

Okay, that's a good place for me to look, Geo. I think the wah just stuck out because it was just very different from the other instruments. Tommy and I both play banjo so that's a neat idea.....throw some reverb on that and put a funkier spin on the whole thing. It could go heavier rock like was suggested too but I think cuz it's a fun song, lighter might be betta.Thanks everyone so much! I learned a lot the last time I did this when I submitted Fly to all y'all. I just rewrote the chorus as was suggested and sure enough, it took off on me, so I'm a happy girl. I hope I'm able to change this song enough to give it an appropriate chance. Y'all had some neat ideas and I appreciate the input a LOT. And yeah, Geo, you can call it blue-eyed anything, it's okay by me. That's my eye color. Can't do much about it.

[x13]

I dig it the way it is... the only thing I would consider to make it more "now" sounding (Pop/Rock)???1. Take out all the wah guitar tracks... 2. Maybe lose some of the conga parts; too much going on?3. Maybe Pick a bigger solid pop drum sound for the kick and snare?4. Maybe a heavy guitar in the chorus would be cool? Like Micheal Jackson song that slash played on? No serious! Can't remember the tune... but nice clean distorted guitar with single bar cords?This is nice work! Just my 2 cents... ; )

[squidlips]

x13,Thanks for the good advice. Very specific. That helps me a lot!