Tear it up, kids! :D

[squidlips]

Because I'm having a moron day, I mistakenly posted this on the songwriter's board. My apologies to the board monitor! Okay, this is one I've been haphazardly working on. It's just a very rough scratch track until it's fixed. There're definitely some things that need ironing out but not sure how to correct them:1. It's too long and it doesn't even have a bridge!2. Vague lyrics?3. Should I do a remix on this thing, speed it up like mad and put some electronica stuff on it or something?4. Very unsure about the chorus. Too hokey? Not hookey enough?Anyway, it's called Fly:http://www.broadjam.com/player/player.a ... 3&sessionI N DEX=22408Lyrics:I see eternity in you the way it makes you shine the universe is almost yours and through you, it's mine All I ever wanted for you I see it in your life There're times for letting go There are times to fly Chorus: No matter where you go, I'm there in your mind, your blood, your bone doesn't matter where you walk cuz you'll never walk alone I can see the quandary To live Well, you let go I can't tell you why that simple thing should frighten us the most frighten us the most All I ever wanted for you I see now in your life There are times for letting go And there are times to fly (chorus)Thanks for taking the time, I sure appreciate it. Hope

[clonsberry]

From the few things I've heard you sing, I'm pretty sure you could sing the phonebook and it would sound great.I haven't dug into the lyrics yet but I can tell you that I liked it. I think I might look for a little difference in the chorus musically. Lyrically, the chorus didn't even tip the hoke scale. I thought it was fine. But I don't think it felt different from the verses.I liked the tempo and the instrumentation. It keeps it very intimate.But I always feel like I should mention that I've had as many forwards as I've won Grammy's. So I can't really say it's expert opinion. Actually, I should add that in my signature. Or.. better.. Taxi could put it in the left column so you know who to listen to and who not. "One million forwards?.. okay.. I'd better think about it." "No forwards?.. oh.. that's Chris. Maybe I'll read that someday."

[squidlips]

Okay, note to self: Why do I always invert the verse chords for the chorus and expect it to sound different? Really good point, Chris! And dig into those lyrics. This is for my daughter (a going away gift....she's heading off to college and after one listen, she will NOT hear it again until it's done, since she cried buckets the first time. ) I'd like to get it off the platter and move on.And I don't have a Grammy OR a deal so probably you should take what I say with a shot and some lime, jes to keep from smackin' me.

[jchitty]

Somedays my dialup is fast, and some days it ain't.....so my apologies to those folks that didn't get feedback from me in the past. I am going to try to do a better job in the future. I was able to listen to your song, Squid. First off, your voice is AMAZING. Not only is your voice great, but it's unique...you have your own style. Each time I hear your voice, I hear echoes of Joni Mitchell, Jewel, Norah Jones, Diana Krall (sp?).....you really have a gift. But it's still your 'own voice' and that's hard to achieve. Too many singers sound like everyone else these days.I really liked your song. I think you're right though....I would speed up the pace on it just a bit. Your lyrics are thoughtful here, and you're expressed the theme "don't be afraid to love" (at least that's what I took away from it) in a nice, original way. As far as this being hooky enough....honestly, I don't see this song played on a regular radio format.....but that's not a bad thing...this song is beautifully unique (there's the u-word again).....I think you should submit this song to a jazz listing where being 'hooky' doesn't matter. The song is good enough to stand on its own, with or without a strong hook. Very good job overall. BTW, have you ever thought about auditioning for "America's Got Talent?" I don't know all of your background...you may have won or auditioned for a lot of things.

[squidlips]

Hey chits, how's it going in dialup world? I remember those days of watching the screen load. It felt precisely like bamboo shoots up my fingernails so I applaud your efforts to get over here and check things out and especially to take time to listen to this song. Thanks tons! BTW, bc wrote some lyrics on another thread that sounded exactly like you! I think they're called "She's A Dialup Girl in a Broadband World" or something. Very nicely done, too. Someone should record it!Regarding the America's Got Talent thingie, nope, never have done that. I'd be too freaked out. I can do intimate things, like small clubs or something but I can't do anything else, too shy now. Besides, they have a (gasp!) age limit on those deals, at least American Idol does and trust me, my expiration date is long past, as is my waistline, thanks much to a bum knee. I never even thought of submitting it to a jazz listing. Can we trade brains for a day? I bet I could get some serious work done with yours. You're right, so many singers want to sound like someone else and for what? I had a reviewer tell me about four months ago that I should try to sound more like Sarah Maclachlan. I'm thinking "Why? You already HAVE her!"I try to drill this into my daughter, whose voice tanks mine so bad I should jes take my toys and go home. 4-1/2 octave range with whistle tones. Crikey! But always it's the vocal acrobatics with her. Why, oh, why (flinging arm across face) must we have so many arpeggios? Where's the love? Thank you very much for the kind words about my voice. I treasure that.