Lonely Like The Moon

[woods]

Song writing Demo. All comments welcome. Click title to play.Thanks,WoodsLonely Like The Moon© MBJ Aug 21/07 A lonesome day fades away so slowSun goes down on a dying loveIn a place where your heart grows coldAs darkness deals the moon’s fate is sealedAnother solitary tale unfolds(Chorus)Lonely like the moonLonely like the moonLonely like the moonThere’s a lady searching in the darkMoon shines down on abandon loveLost in the silence where her heart grows coldThe day breaks through the moon fades to blueAnother lonely story’s end is told(Bridge)Night after night the lonely moon goes round But the idle love is never foundThough it may shine it is forever boundYou’ve got to sing so that your love can be foundRepeat ChorusInst. BreakRepeat V1.Repeat ChorusCopyright © 2007; Ruro Music

[woods]

Hook - chorus came first. Based on the idea that you can't sit back and think that love is just going to happen to you, even if you're big, bright and beautiful - you've got to go out and get it - sing out... Then began to develop the idea that someone big and popular can still be lonely. But hence the moon - big and bright but still the ONLY moon in our sky. Lonely like the moon. All Critiques Welcome, Woods

[carr]

I like the idea of Lonely like the moon. It sets things up right from the title The sun goes down on dying love and leaves me lonely like the moonThose two lines seems to go together and make for a stronger chorus IMOKeep or sweeporiginally I was going to say the line lengths seem awkward but as played and sung they seem ok. Its a bit noisy here atm so Ill give it another listen laterJ

[woods]

Goods thoughts.Since I put this on cd and deoed in the car al day - I can hear different order of things too. I'll have to try some rearrangement.Keep em coming folks,Woods

[geo]

Hi, ho Geo here, I like the chorus (hook) but the verse melody follows what the guitar is doing a little too closely (phrasing), I would break this up a bit.The last line of the verses seems awkward to me. Consider:A lonesome day fades away so slowSun goes down on a dying loveIn a place where your heart grows coldAnother solitary tale unfoldsAs darkness deals (?) (maybe "as darkness reveals")The moon’s fate is sealed (hold the "sealed" 4 beats and drop into chorus)Also you have this as "FOLK" but I hear a "POP" treatment when I listen (the guitar line in the chorus is killer for accentuating the hook) which would give the song a broader appeal/market. Definately keep working on this one.... Geo

[woods]

Thanks Geo. You're right - I would like to concentrate a little more on arranging these days.While I've got the chance to get some feedback from everybody.Thanks,Woods

[geo]

No problem Woods, just one newbie trying to help another...Geo