the Outsider

[svenni]

Quote:Again, I like this song and have been following the threads. I agree with Svenni that your voice is the hook. The song the way it is has a satire feel about it. Your voice is honest, sincere and no offense a little juvenile and goofy. It is a fun song and not meant to be taken seriously and I assume that was your intent. It's fun!!! I would tighten up the phrasing a bit and call it done. I don't see this at all in mainstream radio but could see it as a TV show theme or a movie. Well since english is not my first language I persumed like you did .. That it was a fun song... based on how Steve sings it.. and was a little supprised finding my wife in tears.. so I took another listen following the lyric again... and I quess it just depends on what you feel inspite of what the songwriter's intentions were or are....fun and/or dramatic..There's something unique in Steve's voice.. You persume in the start that he's going "country" but it's only the voice not the instrumental arrangement...... Somehow Steve's voice grows on you right there in the beginning and you're hooked on it! There are only 2 singers that does that to me in a similar genre.. Poul Simon and Elvis Costello ... maybe more like Elvis in "She".Just my 2 cents:-)Svenni

[liamkelly]

Quote:Again, I like this song and have been following the threads. I agree with Svenni that your voice is the hook. The song the way it is has a satire feel about it. Your voice is honest, sincere and no offense a little juvenile and goofy. It is a fun song and not meant to be taken seriously and I assume that was your intent. It's fun!!! I would tighten up the phrasing a bit and call it done. I don't see this at all in mainstream radio but could see it as a TV show theme or a movie. Much like the girl in the song, I seemed to have missed the bus here. So, Steve or Grouch jump in as soon as you can.I didn't get a fun song out of this at all. I got loneliness (however you spell it) and lots of it at a time when peer pressure is the pre-eminent influence in one's life. That's why I thought the vocal was compelling.If it's a fun song... well, I need it explained to me. Call me dumb. Whatever. I missed the joke Liam

[mazz]

Steve, very good work here. I'm not a songwriter but I am a song enjoyer and I very much enjoyed the song and your interpretation is very straight and to the point and honest.As an arranger I would suggest at one point slowing the tempo and giving a slight pause just before the last chorus, it felt a bit rushed there and I wanted to emotionally digest the part about the pen, the pain and the tears. As a listener I trust the chorus is coming so no need to get right to it at that point.Otherwise, very strong work. I've also learned a lot reading the other songwriters' posts and can't wait to hear what you do next if you choose to proceed.Thanks,Mazz

[sgs4u]

As I sit here, my 8 yr oldest son is practicing boogie-woogie, and he's wearing a complete cowboy outfit. And now the 2 boys (the other 5) are practicing Smoke on the Water. And now he's playing one of my songs. I feel absolutely awesome. My bald head is totally sunburned from going with the family to a waterslide park, for 4 hours. The front man of the band I'm playing in tonite is making a movie about a band, kind of like "the Commitments," but quite differently, doing lots of animation. He's going to use intersperse footage of us playing 3 of our original songs, and I'm the MD. Then I have all of you to thank for giving this song some of your precious time. I'm not sure if Robert is yet aware of this thread. I'm be emailing him pronto. Today, my life is amazing.

[dgolding]

It's interesting that a few folks have said that they called their wife in to listen to the song. That's exactly what I did too.It immediately struck me as a country song, and as she's a southern gal, I thought she might like it, as indeed she did.

[sgs4u]

Quote:I was so touched by this song I called my wife to take a listen… went to the kitchento get a cop of coffee while she was listening and came back and found her in tears! I said…“Are you crying? Yes she said... Why? She replied… Svenni didn’t you listen to the lyric????I did... but the tears were "inside"Svenni Bjorgvins (Iceland)This: Does the song make a listener feel empathy? is what this song is actually about, for me. The fact that your wife cried when she listened, is what matters to me more than anything. Thanks for getting her to listen, SvenniI've experienced disagreements on this forum before, about how much the sound of a song should mirror the spirit of the lyrics. I never meant for it to be a fun song, the playfulness you're hearing is my effort to make the song NOT overly sad. And to sound hopeful for the little girl that her life is worth living as well. It was a deliberate effort to get the spirit of the lyric growing inside you, instead of bumming you out and forcing you to hit STOP. Paul Simon and Elvis Costello happen to be 2 of my very favorite writers, so thank you again. that's very high praise.

[sgs4u]

Quote:As an arranger I would suggest at one point slowing the tempo and giving a slight pause just before the last chorus, it felt a bit rushed there and I wanted to emotionally digest the part about the pen, the pain and the tears. As a listener I trust the chorus is coming so no need to get right to it at that point.Mazz This is a brilliant idea Mazz, worthy of exploring, Because that last chorus doesn't need to be exacly the same as the others, it could be deeper, dynamically. thx Mr Mazz Fast Forwards!(you know what I mean)

[mazz]

Steve,Just to clarify my suggestion: I meant a ritard towards the end of the section before the last chorus, a pause while the chord rings out and then back to the original tempo for the last chorus. The chorus could still be deeper dynamically but I don't think it needs to be at a slower tempo than the rest of the song, although it might be worth a try!Take care of that sunburn!Mazz

[sgs4u]

Quote:Steve,Just to clarify my suggestion: I meant a ritard towards the end of the section before the last chorus, a pause while the chord rings out and then back to the original tempo for the last chorus. The chorus could still be deeper dynamically but I don't think it needs to be at a slower tempo than the rest of the song, although it might be worth a try!Take care of that sunburn!Mazz Didn't need clarification, but thanks. Great minds think alike. I'm just so lousy at clearly responding with typing. A rit in that exact spot is indeed what I thought you meant. I'm also thinking the first 2 lines of the chorus right after that, don't need to come in as big as the other choruses. Just adding little more tenderness. The last chorus being a slower tempo all the way out would be a bit of a death knell to the vibe... ps: I love your new quotes!