Re: What a Dark Surprise (piano/vocals)

[allends]

I listened twice and jotted down the lyrics. As always, there's a lot to like about your material.I'm not much of a lyricist, but I think your lyrical hook "Drift away" blends well with the mood of your melody and underlying piano work. You lose me sometimes with your choice of words but I'm at a loss to give you advise on clarifying and strengthening your lyrics. I do, however, have a few ideas on how to make your demo more to my liking. I hope the following is useful for you:I wonder if the first notes of the song would start out smoother if there was no bass: just a lonely piano. I'm thinking the bass could come in later to help build your momentum. Then, in the first chorus you could add more pronounced, higher pitched strings for a larger emotional lift. When you return to your piano work in your second verse you could retool the backing instrumentation with more of a rock ballad feel rather than the slow bowed acoustic bass you're using now. I'm hearing electric bass and a drum kit setting a moody groove that serves to carry the listener through the rest of the song.I think the song would benefit from a big instrumental power lift in the second half of the second chorus. I envision something approaching a thick, Avril Lavigne style rock-ballad backing track. The piano might even be dropped at this point. To my ears, that could be a good thing because you've built in a memorable instrumental hook with your piano by then and I'm getting close to being irritated by it. I had a problem with the neo-classical flavor in your break. If you had implemented my previous suggestions you probably would have dreamed up a more contemporary sounding break for the song.Let's imagine that you like what I've suggested and you implement them powerfully and in good taste. I'll bet you would be inspired to revisit your lyrics and tweak lines here and there so that they flow better with the newly added momentum you've created.-Allen

[mixopenta]

I loved this song! (As I do most of your work). I think you're a brilliant songwriter, so please let me know when you have the album out and I'll buy it!! Some minor details;To my ears I believe the chord arrangement in the chorus needs some cleaning up. I think it's important that chorus's are very simple and firm in delivering the support for the melody. There might be some inconsistencies in the voicing of instruments that are too close in the frequency range.I think this is a variety of what also Allen suggests with the high pitched string, whereas it might establish some sense of tonality in the chord progression. If this were to be tidied up, I think the beauty of the vocal melody would come forward even more. I just love it when the 2nd chorus kicks in! The preceding "prechorus" if you like, is one of the best build ups I've ever heard.Then, it might be my headphones, but I think I hear some strange "ringing" in the following break/bridge at 2:33-2:54. Don't know if its the guitar's deeper strings ringing, but it feels like its colliding harmonically with the piano or perhaps the bass? This is particularly apparent on the second chord where it sounds like one of the instruments resides in the diatonic scale, while the other one is in a chromatic descending scale.I know it's a demo, and it's a great sounding one too, but if/when you're taking it to the next step in the workflow, the low end needs to be more solid. I don't mean more of it, just more even. This is especially true on the chorus, where it really needs to sit on a tight, firm foundation. (This might automatically not be an issue if the voicings in escpecially the low end part of the frequency range, is addressed).As always impeccable songwriting, and it's a pleasure listen to your songs repeatedly! I'm looking forward to hear the next work in progress.

[andreh]

Hi songwriter-Great song, as always. A couple quick thoughts:- I'd like to hear the verse melodies thinned out a little to increase their memorability- During the bridge when you go major, you should lose the minor third piano notes that conflict with the major thirds in the vocals. In fact, you might even "announce" the change to major on the downbeat with the piano before the vox come in, so their positivy isn't so jarringAndre

[mixopenta]

I think you're right in that the song doesn't fit that particular listing anymore, and while I don't know that much about pitching songs, I'd guess there's enough room for a potential producer to don his cap and get creative to improve it. What I'm trying to say is that in terms of the arrangement and sound, IMO it's good to go for a song pitch. (I suck at songwriting, so I won't comment on anything in that area).I think it's much better after you've tweaked it, I noticed especially the transition between the last two choruses much less obtrusive in this new version.I don't see why you shouldn't be able to get this song to broadcast level. In my ears it's not too far from Broadcast Quality. With a few tweaks, mainly in the arrangement, and with this kind of approach to the mix, I think you're there. I hear you when you say you feel like you've hit the wall with regards to mixing, and although I'm not too sure this is essentially a "mix issue", I think when you feel you're hitting a brick wall, you'll have to push that wall with your head and make it move. It's also true that the deeper you get into a mix, the easier it is to lose perspective. What I usually do then, is leave it for a couple of days, and when time allows perferably for weeks and start fresh (I know it's cliché, but it works) . For every new project, I find myself hitting that same wall pretty early on. But as I'm confident in by just banging my head against it repeatedly, it will eventually crack, and you will get that awesome "aha" experience. There'll be plenty of walls up ahead, and if you don't learn how to do it, you will learn how not to do it, so there's a built-in win-win situation in any case. The only thing that will suffer is your head, but as we've chosen this line of business I'm guessing it's not an issue...

[emusic]

Sitting at Cap'D Antibes listening on a laptop, so pardon my listening environement, but I really love this song. From what I hear here it's ready to be posted for an appropriate listing.A good ballad/mid tempo song that would be an addidtion for anyones album or your portfolio.I like this better than your urban pop attempts. Allthough they too has obvious hooks, I think this is a style that is quicker to make sound good without all the smart production tricks that is necessary to make those urban things sound done.Well I'm off for the beach EmusicCap'D AntibesFrench Riviera

[deantaylor]

Really, really like this song. Can't comment on the production, listening lo-fi today and I don't have a great producer ear anyway, so ... but the song I really like. Lyrics not posted, so I didn't really review them in depth, but the DARK SURPRISE ... HARD GOODBYE ryhme is very cool!And I love the build up to the hook and the hook itself is very strong. Very, very good song.Dean

[dgolding]

Great stuff, as always. I hear what you're saying about it being difficult to integrate the distorted guitar. It's floating in the mix when it really needs to feel like it's underneath, providing structural stability (if you see what I mean) Sometimes, not allowing the chords to ring out quite so long helps.I don't know that there's a formula to get it right, apart from trial and error, and like you say, you can tweak a song forever.Having said that, the song and the performance is so strong, that any mixing deficiencies won't be hard to overlook. You don't have to be a genius to see the potential of the song.Great job

[allends]

Quote:You don't have to be a genius to see the potential of the song.Ah shucks! I was feeling proud of myself until now. I guess I'm no smarter than the next guy after all. Seriously... It is a good song. Congrats songwriter!-Allen

[johnhampt]

Man, this is a good song. You have a good voice. Kind of like the Cold Play guy a bit.I listened to both versions. I thought revision was going to be just another piano instrumental. Maybe the drums could of come in a little sooner. My only comment on the drums is that the first beat is a bit bouncy and busy. I liked it over the chorus but it was the same throughout, thereby not differentiating the parts effectively.A couple of technical questions: How did you record your vocal? It's not doubled is it? It really sounds big and clear but not overly effected. Can you give me a quick low down on what you did to get that sound? Thanks and really, it's a good song.