Decision time. Any Advice?

[allends]

Hello Friends,I’m hoping you could help me make a decision. I submitted to a rock instrumental listing but I got returned. Now I need to decide whether to: Change the song according to the screener’s advice, Submit the song as-is to a more appropriate listing, or Chalk this one up to experience and write a new better song.Any and all advice is welcome including:CritiquesMoral supportYour past experience, etc.Thanks in advance!!! The details are below.-AllenThe song “Scratch 100” is here:http://www.broadjam.com/artists/artisti ... D=40580The screener’s comments were:Overall Comments:Hi Allen, great writing - just add more variation in your melody in the piano part, and give the B section a more memorable theme. Think of it as if it were the vocal melody. You are doing a great job of supporting the melody with the guitar part, and your sections have good contrast and the structure is perfect. Add more dynamics, slightly stronger changes, and a little bit more momentum - consider how you add and take away emphasis here. You have beautiful ideas within your writing - keep writing and re-writing. I'm looking forward to hearing more in the future. All the best,Style:On target for this listingStructure:Well-written structureGood Sectional ContrastQuote:Good structure. Melodic themes could have more variation and depth. B section could have a more memorable, more developed melody. Song could have more dynamics throughout. Guitar work sounds great. Sound Quality: Not great, but clean enough for this listingThe main reason you were or were not forwarded for this listing is:Return - lots of potential here but the melodic themes need to be a little bit more developed for this listing. The listing was:INDIE/MODERN ROCK INSTRUMENTALS ranging from the Killers to Modest Mouse to the Flaming Lips to the Arctic Monkeys are wanted by an Audio Software Co./Library that specializes in supplying digital media creators the means to create specialized soundtracks for their visual projects (films, TV, ads, etc.). Important: You must have the original multitracks/stems on hand and available in case the company is interested - you must be able to deliver in stems (stems = the individual recorded tracks). Do not submit material that does not meet this criteria - they can’t use it. Broadcast quality needed [great sounding home recordings are OK]. Please submit one to three songs online or per CD. All submissions will be screened and critiqued by TAXI and must be received no later than March 27, 2007. TAXI # S070327MRBTW: Do I stand a better chance here:East Coast Production Music Library/Publisher is looking for SCIENTIFIC/MEDICAL INSTRUMENTALS for use in TV, film, radio, corporate videos, commercials, etc. Pretty open musically, but think of tracks that convey quiet intensity (operating room scenes) to urgency (ambulance/emergency room) to positivity (research/laboratory scenes). Please submit one to three pieces online or per CD; 60 seconds to 3 minutes is the recommended length for this pitch. They offer an exclusive deal with a 5-year reversion clause. Broadcast quality needed [great sounding home recordings are OK]. All submissions will be screened and critiqued by TAXI and must be received no later than May 8, 2007. TAXI # S070508SM

[mikehelms]

Hi.. If I might suggest... I'd take them at the word ... perhaps you can continue the piano phrase over the second part of the measure... break them up.. and vary how you continue it..on the second time through the phrase follow it down back through the progression( leave out a cord) and on the fourth time through do it staccato on the back end... Or maybe single notes ... Mix it up I wouldn't do it every time.. to blah!! and for myself I wouldn't get to pretty!!! I'd lean toward more of a disconsenate? .... sound against the guitar!!!Michael

[jeffe]

I wish I could comment but BJ is up to its normal tricks again. I can't even get it to play

[mikehelms]

Listening through again I'd even move up the Key's something Flat or 5thed? that would add tension... not the same... not every measureMichael

[johnnydean1]

Quote:Hello Friends,I’m hoping you could help me make a decision. I submitted to a rock instrumental listing but I got returned. Now I need to decide whether to: Change the song according to the screener’s advice, Submit the song as-is to a more appropriate listing, or Chalk this one up to experience and write a new better song.Any and all advice is welcome including:CritiquesMoral supportYour past experience, etc.Thanks in advance!!! The details are below.-AllenThe song “Scratch 100” is here:http://www.broadjam.com/artists/artisti ... D=40580The screener’s comments were:Overall Comments:Hi Allen, great writing - just add more variation in your melody in the piano part, and give the B section a more memorable theme. Think of it as if it were the vocal melody. You are doing a great job of supporting the melody with the guitar part, and your sections have good contrast and the structure is perfect. Add more dynamics, slightly stronger changes, and a little bit more momentum - consider how you add and take away emphasis here. You have beautiful ideas within your writing - keep writing and re-writing. I'm looking forward to hearing more in the future. All the best,Style:On target for this listingStructure:Well-written structureGood Sectional ContrastQuote:Good structure. Melodic themes could have more variation and depth. B section could have a more memorable, more developed melody. Song could have more dynamics throughout. Guitar work sounds great. Sound Quality: Not great, but clean enough for this listingThe main reason you were or were not forwarded for this listing is:Return - lots of potential here but the melodic themes need to be a little bit more developed for this listing. The listing was:INDIE/MODERN ROCK INSTRUMENTALS ranging from the Killers to Modest Mouse to the Flaming Lips to the Arctic Monkeys are wanted by an Audio Software Co./Library that specializes in supplying digital media creators the means to create specialized soundtracks for their visual projects (films, TV, ads, etc.). Important: You must have the original multitracks/stems on hand and available in case the company is interested - you must be able to deliver in stems (stems = the individual recorded tracks). Do not submit material that does not meet this criteria - they can’t use it. Broadcast quality needed [great sounding home recordings are OK]. Please submit one to three songs online or per CD. All submissions will be screened and critiqued by TAXI and must be received no later than March 27, 2007. TAXI # S070327MRBTW: Do I stand a better chance here:East Coast Production Music Library/Publisher is looking for SCIENTIFIC/MEDICAL INSTRUMENTALS for use in TV, film, radio, corporate videos, commercials, etc. Pretty open musically, but think of tracks that convey quiet intensity (operating room scenes) to urgency (ambulance/emergency room) to positivity (research/laboratory scenes). Please submit one to three pieces online or per CD; 60 seconds to 3 minutes is the recommended length for this pitch. They offer an exclusive deal with a 5-year reversion clause. Broadcast quality needed [great sounding home recordings are OK]. All submissions will be screened and critiqued by TAXI and must be received no later than May 8, 2007. TAXI # S070508SMScratch describes it well!It's the warm up before the main event.More of a doodle than a painting or even a sketch.

[panamacity]

Hey man, I totally agree with the response you got back about the piano bit. It was cool once, twice, but it's gotta go somewhere else, especially to be in the vein of Modest Mouse and Flaming Lips as instrumental I wouldn't let it get you down though... sometimes they're just looking for "something else". No songwriter possesses publisher clairvoyance. I totally think the second listing is more right for your song. I might tweak the instrumentation for the second posting. When I think hospital setting I think electronic gadgets and toys. Giving your song a more electronic feel by changing the electric and acoustic guitars for another sound might work, with the guitars as they are I think more police drama. I'm not a big fan of the scratch sound you decided to include. Good luck. It's a worthy tune.

[allends]

Thanks everybody for your straight shootin' feedback. I pulled that track together in response to one of Michael's exercises on how to write songs for TV. Somewhere in there he mentions a triangle sound for a quiet tension scene; that's where I got the idea. So I never thought about making a stand-alone song here: just an exercise in how write quickly for a scene. The bar is higher for these listings than I anticipated. I don't think I'll be making $150,000/year any time soon. -Allen

[mikehelms]

Hey Allen... I was thinking about your piece at work today..By the way excellent doins for an excercise...Anyhow I wonder if you couldn't just add piano to the Piano on another track... something in that space but not to heavy, not too repetitive.. I don't know about changing the Other instruments. but adding a synth sound might be cool... but maybe later in the piece.. on top but... in back?Michael

[allends]

Quote:Hey Allen... I was thinking about your piece at work today..By the way excellent doins for an excercise...Anyhow I wonder if you couldn't just add piano to the Piano on another track... something in that space but not to heavy, not too repetitive.. I don't know about changing the Other instruments. but adding a synth sound might be cool... but maybe later in the piece.. on top but... in back?Michael Wow Michael... thinking about it at work! I'm very grateful. All the commenters so far expect a lot more out of this little piece than it delivers and I totally get that. And I think I hear you suggesting a layer of variety in that quieter moment where the acoustic guitar shows through more. I'm not sure I follow you because I don't know what you mean by your comment "add piano to the Piano". Maybe it's a typo? Thanks for the kudos and feedback. Maybe I will rework this exercise to see what I can learn from it. That repetitive theme upon which this track is based 1) isn't very imaginative, 2) seems to get on people's nerves, and 3) stifles the momentum. So much for banging out several of these per week... -Allen

[mikehelms]

Yeah I don't know if I can do that the words take to long for me... what I meant was to not have to redo the whole piano track to add notes on another track... But what I was saying was from earlier this morning I thought you might continue the phrase on the piano.. and I was just going on from there...I like the piece... wouldn't trash it I just think you need to finish what you were saying with the Piano... so to speak!!!! Some thing Lilting!!! yet discordant.. but not every time...ummm and sporadic not that it shouldn't be repeated but more like on the 2 and the four bar wise? to put the sound into words... giving an answer while asking a question making a statement lol ... If we were sitting together at the Keyboard .... me not playing it very well ... I'd say lets move to an upper register playing single notes off the chord moveing (stiltedly) Higher mixing in a Minor? but just a couple of notes and not always ending in a minor..?and then go uuhhh!!! that was it.. ...!!!lolMichael