Quote:Since it was another Dispatch listing no critique was given, so I'd love your feedback to help me make this song a better fit for this "ala" artist.Hey Andre,I don't feel qualified to give you any critiques on lyrics, so I'm going to restrict my thoughts to the music -- since I feel I'm fairly familiar with this genre from a musical standpoint.First of all, nice job. I hope you don't feel like you got passed over because the song is bad, because this is not a bad song at all. It may have been that the song didn't qualified as a "hit" song in the screener's opinion.So, since this is a good song, and is definitely in the style of the requested genre, the question is what seperates this from a "hit" song -- from Taxi's point of view. Given that I've never had a hit song myself, my impressions may not be worth very much, but here it goes:Verse 1 has a very nice build, I think. By the time I got to the chorus, I felt like I was ready to take wings and soar. You know that feeling you get where the verse builds an expectation in you that the chorus is going to come in a swoop you up, and take you into the clouds? I was ready for that, but it never materialized. At least, not as much as I was expecting.Technically, it should have happened, I suppose. There was definitely a build during the first three lines of the chorus, with a definite peak on the line "This love was everything to me". But for some reason I didn't get that "thrill" that you get on these kinds of songs.I don't want to imply that nothing happened, because that's not the case. The chorus is definitely nice, and definitely goes somewhere. But, I wonder if the problem isn't this:One thing that I would have liked is for the title phrase "...this hole in my heart" to be on the high end of the melodic line -- or at least the emotional arc. In other words, if we started the chorus at 60% intensity, then the chorus peaks at 90%-100% intensity at the end of line 3. Then we drop down in intensity by the end of the chorus back to where we need to be in order to start the next verse.For me, it made the phrase "this hole in my heart" forgettable, and I found that I had to concentrate on the lyrics a lot harder to figure out what the title of the song was (because I didn't look at the title before I started listening to the song). The title wasn't obvious to me via a casual 1st listening.In my opinion, I think that's a problem, because then the song lacks focus. Even though you've placed a memorable title (nice alliteration in that line, btw!) at the very end of the chorus, the music has peaked and died off by the time we get to that line, signalling to us that it's not as important as what was sung a couple lines previously.I don't know that we necessarily need the title phrase to be on the highest notes of the chorus, but if there is a way to make that phrase stand out from the other 4 lines of the chorus, and be at least the emotional pinnacle of the chorus, I think that would solve the problem. Then it would seem like that the whole point of singing the verse and the first 4 lines of the chorus was just to get to the title phrase. We will feel like we've "arrived".I hope this helps a little bit. Like I said, I've never had a hit song, so this is advice from an amateur. But, it's just what struck me after listening to the song a couple times through.Congrats on writing a good song, though. I spend this whole post on (hopefully) constructive criticism, but I could just as easily have spent three times as much verbage on what works with the song, and what's great about it!