Take a good song and make it better?

[nomiyah]

One of the most popular songs on my CD has been "Benefits". But I put it through quite a bit of industry feedback and did a rewrite.Thanks especially to Taxi screeners, Hookstown, Matt, Casey, Dale Kawashima, Pamela Phillips Oland, West Coast Songwriters, Brian Rawlings and others.I think it made a good song better but I'd really like your thoughts. It isn't recorded yet, just let me know what you think of the lyrics. You can read the original at http://nomiyah.com/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=9. Thanks for your help.NomiBENEFITS(Words & music by Nomi Yah)Verse 1I ask for a kiss and nothing moreGet your cheek going out the doorThat’s just a gestureYou act like you don’t even believe in loveLike it’s a thing you’re suspicious ofWhile you make aPlan to be my manWithout promising anythingWithout promising anythingChorusIs there a way that I could alter your point of viewProve to you the benefitsIs there a way that I could offer you comfort toDemonstrate the benefitsDon’t underestimate the benefits of being in loveBenefits of being in loveVerse 2You ask why I’m tripping about this thingIs it because of a wedding ringThat’s just a symbolYou act like you’re superior, unimpressedAnd love’s inferior at it’s bestA myth we cling toConfident thatYou’re not missing anythingNot missing anythingChorusIs there a way that I could alter your point of viewProve to you the benefitsIs there a way that I could offer you comfort toDemonstrate the benefitsDon’t underestimate the benefits of being in loveBenefits of being in love

[cro]

Great song, beautiful words... Keep up the awsome work!

[nomiyah]

CroThanks for the feedback. I may perform this version for the first time tonight.Nomi

[nutunes]

NomiOK, I'm new here, Where can i listen ?RegardsPhil

[nomiyah]

PhilYou can hear the version from my CD. I haven't recorded the new one. I'd love to hear what you think. Look for "Benefits" on my music page http://www.nomiyah.com/music.htmlNomi

[nutunes]

Hi NomiListened to this several times now.To be honest I found it hard to strip the production from the song in order to listen it properly, However persistance won the day Although the melody does have some strong parts, for me it's not 100% there yet. You have a strong verse but the chorus, for me, lets the song down. I like the lyrics, if it were my song I would work on it a lot more with just a piano to pefect the melody then get a decent producer to polish & finish.Kind regardsPhil