"Disappear"

[mrbassman]

Hello everybody.This is the very first song I'd like being reviewed and I'm terribly looking forward to read your suggestions and comments. Please keep in mind that it's a rough mixdown and mastering ist not yet done.Best regards, ChrisLink: http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemus ... ppearWords: © Christian Gaisberger 03/2004Music: © Christian Gaisberger & Christian Alge 09/2004VerseThe curtains have all fallenOvations died awayThe notes have all been sungThere’s no more chord to playVerseAll programs terminatedAll wires are burnt throughAll letters have been sentThere’s no more work to doChorusTake my handLet’s get away from hereCome take my handLet’s disappearVerseAll battles have been foughtNo enemies left overAll cannons have been firedOn bunkers sprouting cloverChorusVerseFinance lies in ruinsMoney spent too fastPrayers sent to heavenHope will die at lastChorusSOLOVerseFor fatherland and kingThousands died in painFor victory of greedBlood is spilled in vainChorus 2x

[augustheat]

MrBassman:Overall, I really like the general feel of this song. It's dark, but not in a bad way. I like the way the rhythm seems to fight with the guitar line during the intro. Not sure if that was intentional or not. It's pretty late, and maybe I'm just hearing things differently on three hours of sleep! I also like the way you come out of the guitar solo into the last verse/chorus. Nice dynamics there.I guess the only issue I have with the song, and I'm purely speaking from a musical standpoint, is that the verse/chorus structure gets a bit redundant for me. I really would like to hear some sort of bridge (lyrical or musical) that briefly takes me away from the familiarity of the verse and chorus; yet, long enough to create some anticipatation to return to a closing verse and chorus combination to wrap things up.Hope this helps a bit...

[mrbassman]

Hello Augustheat.Thanks for your input.Actually the Hihat in the intro was originally supposed to accentuate the 3 and not the 1 but this can be changed easily.About the silent verse ("nice dynamics") after the solo you mentioned: this is actually ment to be some sort of bridge or breathing space. But would you rather suggest a modification of changes?One more thing: for I'm not a native English speaker, would you say that there are any mistakes in the lyrics?Chris

[valeriewynn]

Hi Chris,I didn't notice any errors in the lyrics, except maybe change "chord" to "chords" in the first verse (unless you meant to say "chord").Very nice song!valerie

[dada]

Chris, I agree with August on the melodies... You need to syncopate your vocal lines a little more to the music and maybe develop some more wandering tails to end your lines... the Chorus could have harmonies to help build it or some other backing vocal to distinguish it more as a chorus... An electric guitar power chord may even do the trick although you are acoustic rock... perhaps a little pre-chorus riff..I know on melodies, it is hard enough to come up with one to begin with, let alone being careful to not make it redundant sounding..Keep trackin,Dave<a href="http://www.soundclick.com/soundsbydave"><img src="http://www.soundclick.com/images/bandlo ... y_page.jpg" border=0 alt="SoundClick Now!"></a>

[templeofheads]

I think you can work a little big more the vocals. Don't get me wrong with this, the vocals are good but I see you can do it better. About the guitars, well I think you can add some power chords and add that extra power to the chorus.Overall - Nice song

[mrbassman]

Update: Mastering has been done and the latest version is online http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemus ... dID=310387

[augustheat]

Bassman:Overall, I still really like the concept of this song. However, there are a few things that jump out at me. Again, this is all subjective....1. The intro is 8 bars too long for my taste. Most industry pros aren't even going to make it to the first verse. Our ears, even casual listeners, are trained to anticipate things musically. There is a natural point when it feels like the vocals should come in...Instead, there's another 8 bars of what we've already heard. The intro doesn't really offer anything new as it progresses through to the vocals...2. Melodically, the verses sound a bit repetitive. Even as we hit the chorus, there's really not that much variance from the verses, melodically speaking. Without taking away the foundation of your intended melody, I'd like to see you create some melodic spaces, especially in the first verse. In other words, don't sing each line in the same manner. Vary it a bit...3. I'd still like to see it take off in another musical direction for the solo/bridge. By that time, it's getting hard to distinguish the verses from the chorus. Once again, take me on a journey and bring me back for the wrap-up. I love the darkness, but I want to feel like I made a round trip somewhere.I really like what you're doing. Again, this is only my opinion. Others may see things differently. As always, musical opinions are subjective. Keep up the good work and thanks for allowing us to listen!Blessings,