Need help interpreting this critique

[kevinmathie]

Hi all,Awhile back, I submitted a couple songs to the following listing:Quote:SERIOUS INSTRUMENTAL COMPOSERS NEEDED by a Music Producer who is creating a new independent music library and already has several TAXI composers under his roof. He is looking for composers IN ALL GENRES and said no stone will be left unturned in that respect. Although he is the provider of music for a huge daytime television talk show, he wants to make it clear that the composers he is looking to sign to the library will focus on other projects he is working on and will not compete with the composers working on the talk show. You must be able to work as a team player, take direction and deliver on time. He needs someone who uses high quality samples and has state-of-the-art equipment. He's definitely looking for a "pro" and not someone who works during the day, as he'll need you to be available for quick turnaround assignments and same day edits when necessary. He'd like someone with experience with syncing to tape. His deal offer is non-exclusive (except with other libraries) and you keep 100% of the writer's share. All submissions need to be Broadcast Quality. ... All submissions will be screened on a YES/NO BASIS - NO CRITIQUES FROM TAXI - ... One of the songs got forwarded, but another song, The Chase got returned. Of course, this listing was a YES/NO listing, so I wasn't expecting any feedback, but the screener still gave a short reason why it was returned, which I very much appreciate.The screener checked the box "music," then wrote "Melody could've been more distinct."Now, there are a couple ways I can interpret the word "distinct:" A) Is the screener saying that the melody could be more prominent in the mix, and more distinct from the rhythmic elements, or B) is the screener saying that the melody could be more unique in comparison to other compositions of this genre, hence making the composition stand out -- i.e., distinct -- from the competition?Any thoughts?If it's the latter, I would appreciate your honest feedback. Is this just an "OK" composition that will never go anywhere because it can't compete with other compositions out there? If so, that's OK. I just need to know now so I can move on to something else. Or is it close enough to being a decent competitor that it warrants continued tweaking?Thanks!Kevin

[matto]

Kevin, obviously just guessing but I would say he meant "not very distinctive as in unique, memorable" and I would agree with that. That being said it is not really a melodic cue for the most part...but when the melody comes in (the descending minor scale hits in the brass) it seems a bit lackluster and predictable...also a bit tame when compared to the preceeding dissonant stuff.One thing you could do is have it be more a series of dissonant hits which would seem to fit the rest of the cue better, not a real melody. Thus the whole cue would remain more "textural" so to speak.If you want it to resolve to a melodic part, then I think I would make the melody more angular and intervallic, so it fits the character of the rest of the cue better, instead of having this rather tame descending scale.Another thing I heard is in the earlier section with the dissonant holding strings, maybe there could be another element there or those strings could have more starts and stops, as it is that section kind of "sits there" for too long IMHO.HTH.Definitely don't give up on this cue, it is very usable and with a few tweaks it will definitely be marketable and find a home somewhere.

[kevinmathie]

Hey Matt,Thank you so much for taking the time out of your schedule to give me such a detailed answer. That helps a lot. Some very good suggestions! Thank you! Now that you mention it, I can see how the melody isn't the best and why. I love the idea of going into a more angular melody. That suggestion of yours really sparked my imagination. Although, I am also going to think about a series of dissonant hits as well, and see where that leads me. Both paths are excellent, and I can how both can improve this pieceThank you very much, Matt!Kevin

[matto]

You're welcome, glad to help...post it up when it's done!

[suzdoyle]

This has some awesome elements -- I can envision a melody that is more syncopated in the first section , e.g.ala "Mission Impossible", where you have the awesome rhythmic bass line and a cool contrasting (and just as syncopated) melody.Keep working on it -- this has GREAT potential!!Suz

[ebjazz]

This is a cool piece man! But I do agree with Matto that the melody could've been more..."out". Just about anything will fit over the cool Lalo Schifrin type groove you've got going. So I'd experiment with some more out of the key melodies. Great sounds though!What synths are you using?Eb

[kevinmathie]

Matt -- Yes, I will definitely repost this as soon as I've made the changes. Thanks!Suz -- Thanks! That's good to have positive feedback on it. I've had it rejected a couple times, so I started worrying about its potential. But, I understand the need to make cues "great" rather than "good," so as long as I'm confident the piece has the appropriate potential, I'll keep improving it. ebjazz -- Here are the synths I'm using:Piano -- EXS24's Steinway PianoToms -- a combination of Toontrack's Pop/Rock kit and Cinesamples' "CineToms"Bongos -- Stylus RMXViolins -- Vienna Symphonic Library's Opus 1 & 2 collectionsViola -- VSLCello -- combination of VSL and EastWest's Symphonic Orchestra PlatinumTrumpets -- combination of VSL and Sample Modeling's "The Trumpet"Horn -- combination of VSL and EastWestTrombones & Tuba -- EastWestFlute & Oboe -- EastWest