So Close? Alt/Modern Rock

[scounter72]

Hi All,I submitted this song a while back in my early days as a taxi member, and it got returned...got some great feedback from some of the very experienced and very talented seniors around here...and incorporated those thoughts into a new version, here:http://www.reverbnation.com/tunepak/1778543This was returned on this listing:ALTERNATIVE/MODERN ROCK INSTRUMENTALS - OF ALL STYLES - ranging from Indie Rock to Garage Rock to Alt Pop/Rock, etc., are being sought by a Production Company/Music Library (with clients such as the Discovery Channel and MTV and film credits such as American Gangster and Bourne Ultimatium) for inclusion on their roster to pitch for Film and TV song placements.Based on the feedback received, I have a 'well recorded' and 'on target' song. The upshot being, that I simply haven't got the intro right. Therefore, I feel, I'm very close to getting this right. I'm more inclined to apply feedback on new compositions a a rule, but I really think I have something here, so I'd like to hear some more thoughts, please...especially if you were successful on this listing.Based on the comment below, I feel that, if this process were genuinely two way, I could fix up one small niggle and I'd have what the client is seeking?'a good song, but i don't think the opening melody is the strongest part of the song. that would be the section that comes in at about 34 sec. i feel that part is the part that should be the dominant melody. i like the groove and the sound of it, but i don't find the initial melody to be as effective or resonant as it could be, & not as strong as that other part i mentioned.'Thanks in advanceShane

[markjsmith]

Hi Shane, I think this was a tough one to crack, I got all 3 of mine returned. He liked one but not enough to get a forward (bummer). Anyway, I liked your track and reviews are always subjective to the listing as you know! Maybe both of ours will get forwarded on another listing next time! -Mark