returned: dated melody

[guitarhacker]

So, on my first few submissions...I got one returned for dated melody... not contemporary enough for a listing for a major male contemporary artist..... the reviewed gave outstanding review...except for that detail....http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_so ... 870761what do you think? and what advice can you give me to improve?

[hummingbird]

hey - could you also post the text of the listing, and post the lyrics as well? That might help us.Seems to me, if you got really positive response, then you were simply off target and need to figure out what listings the song fits.

[guitarhacker]

sure...here's the lyrics: COPYRIGHT 2009 Hartley / BishopMe and my big brother, after church on SundayOut in Granny's backyard, playing Army green beret.Climbing in the old oak tree, The smell of supper on the breezeMusic drifting through the door...That's something to die forMe & Jeannie Farmer, walking down to Skalseys CreekAn old dirt road to a swimming hole, in the Carolina heat.Laughing in the warm night air, she lets down her long brown hair..She's more than just the girl next door..... I swear...That's something to die forCountry, God and family, these things I believeAre the things in life worth living forCountry, God and family, what it takes to keep them freeMakes everything I do worth fighting forThat's something to die forsolo (8 bars)Me and my sweet Jeannie after church on SundayOut in Grannys backyard as our little children playMemories made forever of one more day togetherBefore I leave again .......for warThats something to die forBridge:Far away, in a foreign land, A blinding flash in the desert sand.My dreams are gone, like fading tracks...Erased by the wind...ChorusTagThat's something I died for.the listing:HIT CONTEMPORARY COUNTRY SONGS for a Male superstar a la KENNY CHESNEY are needed by Director of A&R at Major Nashville label. Lyrics and melody must be solid with fantastic imagery and strong, obvious hooks. Instrumentation and vocal presentations must be top-notch! We'll be quite selective, so send your very best. Please submit one to three songs online or per CD, include lyrics. All submissions will be screened and critiqued by TAXI and must be received no later than Friday, July 31, 2009. TAXI #S090731CO

[hummingbird]

From the first notes the arrangement and the vocals come across as Classic Country IMO. I think the vocals should be stronger and more up front in the mix as well. If I was going to submit to a listing like this, the first thing I'd do is go to iTunes and look up Kenny Chesney. I'd click on "popularity" and listen to the top two or three songs. The number one song on iTunes for that artist is "Out That Night". I'd take note of the instrumentation, character, tempo and mix. I'd google the lyrics. Then I'd toggle back and forth between that song, and my demo of "Something to Die For" and I should hear right away that it's not the same style. The next one on the list is "I'm Alive". Listen to how out front and powerful those vocals are. When they say 'top notch vocal' that's the kind of sound they're looking for.I know the folks that write country on the forum have a tough row to hoe. It's extremely competitive. I hope you will stick around and soak up as much as you can. Reading the listings and targetting submissions effectively is something we all work on.HTHcheersHummin'bird

[guitarhacker]

Hey Vikki, thanks for responding. I've been writing for many years, and submitting music to publishers, so I do know it is a very competative business. I joined taxi recently so I could begin to really hone this craft of songwriting, and have hooked up with a lyrical collaborator. Hopefully, by being a taxi member I can also meet more like minded people. I'm headed to the rally in a few weeks...excited about that opportunity too.About the melody.... the taxi reviewer mentioned that the song has good imagery and a strong hook that is in the right places. The dated aspect of the melody came (according to the reviewer) from not using syncopation in the vox part. I take that to mean that the melody is too straight forward and predictable. So I really need to concentrate my efforts on melody writing (and singing) to work on that. Now that the song is recorded (dare I say the "F" word...finished) it's really hard to imagine a different vocal melody.... but yeah...that's what I have to do.....BTW: I plan to stick around for a long time..... I have songs to write.