2 Returns on 'Spend a Little Time With Me'

[teleblaster]

Pretty bummed about these. Both listings were high-bars. Not trying to be one of those, 'this sucks' people; just really bummed out. As much as I'd like to be more disaffected by returns, I'm not sure that would be helpful all the time. I need to be 'connected' emotionally to my work, or else I might as well keep writing software for a living. At the end of the day I know I need to learn from this and move on. So in that light here's my request.I'm interested these types of comments on this track and the critiques1) How close in your opinions, do you think I am to getting this track over the hurdle of a high bar listing?2) What specific things can I do to it to get it there? ( I have my own list based on the crits, curious to see if it matches with others)3) Anyone want to co-miserate with me? -- share your similar heartbreak stories with me. Particularly interested in stories where folks perservered and brought a song up over the bar.Track is on my TAXI page 'Spend a Little Time With Me'http://www.taximusic.com/hosting/home.p ... 2623Here's the listings and critiquesCONTEMPORARY COUNTRY/POP SONGS a la Taylor Swift, Kellie Pickler, Julianne Hough, etc. needed by a Major Nashville label for a young female artist whose initial recognition came from her dancing career and her participation on a network television show focused on "dancing with the stars". They are just starting to look for songs and are open to all tempos. Songs need to be compelling enough to compliment her evocative young voice and thematically can be about the joys and challenges of living every day life. Demo presentation must sound great with top-notch instrumental and vocal performances. Please submit one to three songs online or per CD, include lyrics. All submissions will be screened and critiqued by TAXI and must be received by Friday, May 22, 2009. TAXI #S090522COMelody=8 Lyrics= 9 Marketability= 8 SongStructure= 8 Production= 8Engineering= 8Musicianship= 8 LeadVocal = 9CommentTerrific Verse melody!! I really like the unique vocal movement and phrasing in those sections. This reminds me a little of "Nora Jones" in style and vocal performance. The Chorus loses momentum for me though, which really bummed me out because the Verses sold me on this tune. The Chorus sounds abrupt or short and seems to have similar vocal range as the Verses..... may not be unique or dynamic enough in vocal range or movement for this artist. Lyrically this song is great - I LOVE the sentiment and perspective of this tune. Great job on the lyric.OnTarget checked -- comment->Might be close enough to this listing's target stylistically.Overall Comments:Hi Alfred,Thanks for sending this song our way! The Verses are GREAT and really had me hooked. The Chorus however, lost momentum for me melodically, enough that I feel this artist may not bite on this song. The Chorus doesn't quite lift, but seems to stay a bit more static to the Verses and also feels a little abrupt in length. Just a little shy of what this artist needs melodically/vocally. This song is great lyrically. Super strong writing with excellent use of this title! Nice tune! Best of luck to you. MainReason:Melodically may need some honing in the Chorus to meet this listing's Very High bar.Listing 2SINGER-SONGWRITER type SONGS - with commercial appeal - a la John Mayer, Colbie Caillat, etc. are wanted by the VP of Music Licensing at a Music Production Company that places songs in high profile television shows and ad campaigns. Lyrics need to be universal enough to fit a variety of scenarios. Songs should have great hooks that can help make a developing story line in a show really stand out and that are still running through your head long after the song and scene are over. Broadcast Quality is needed (excellent sounding home recordings are fine). Please submit one to three songs online or per CD, include lyrics. All submissions will be screened and critiqued by TAXI and must be received no later than Wednesday, May 20, 2009. TAXI #S090520SSMelody=7 Lyrics= 6 Marketability= 7 SongStructure= 7 Production= 8 Engineering= 7 Musicianship= 8 LeadVocal = 7Comment"All you gotta do is, Get down off that white horse and spend a little time with me" is a lyrical statement that we can all relate too. I like the simplicity of thisthought, along with a very inviting lead vocal performance. I would suggestthat the singer feels to be holding back a bit on the CH, which should be thesection that really opens up dynamically (in every area) .... OnTarget and not close enought sytlistically checked -- comment->Musically, the style and approach is well within this executive's singer songwriter parameters....Vocally and melodically, I don't feel those areas rise to the extremely high level criteria demands - .Overall Comments:Greetings Alfred, Thanks for sending in "Spend a little time with me," for this listing's consideration. The song features a warm and inviting vocal, lyric, melody and arrangement. As much as I really like the warmth, feel and flow of this cut - the vocal doesn't feel special enough to truly compete with the criteria. Try A/B'ing this cut to Mayer's "Say" or Caillat's "Bubbly." Those are the lead vocal performance benchmarksthat this exec is demanding in forwarded material. I would suggest really making sure the CH's explode from added vocal, melody and instrument-ation dynamics. The vocal and melody feel a little too linear, for a tv/film tie in reveal CH hook - in my opinion.... Best of luck - Sound QualityWell recorded checkedComment:I really dig the old school analog feel, to this recording. The production, engineering and mix approach all serve the material appropriately - MainReason:CH vocal and melody don't rise to the super high memorability level of this executive's demands. Check out the many strategies (i.e. phraselength variation / interval jumps) within the Frederick book marked below,to help take material to the next level of impact -

[billg]

I'm getting 'error on page" message -

[teleblaster]

Sorry 'bout that. I fixed the link to my TAXI page.You can also hit it here www.taxi.com/teleblasterThxErich

[feaker]

ErichI had to go back and listen again. That is the song I thought she sounded like Taylor Swift.Everybody wants that chorus to explode. Yours didn't, but it fits the song. Would have been nice to have been a little longer. I agree there.An uplifting chorus to kick ass and then quiet back down would be so cool.I know you are dissapointed right now, but think of the positives. She liked the song and most likely would have pushed in through. She kept repeating the same thing about the chorus.The body of the song is great. Kick up the chorus and add another verse and it WILL be a killer.You have such great talents, dust yourself off and get back in the saddle.I don't have any expectation on my songs, so I don't get dissapointed. I have only submitted four so far. They tell me I am too old and can't relate anymore. ( this I know) Now that is something that is tough to change. A beefier chorus, piece of cake.Chin up friendpaul

[bigbluebarry]

hey Erich,I really enjoyed this song and I think with a few tweaks here or there, it has placement potential. The production on this is great! Really, really good! As I listened the first time, I could hear this song being on an episode of the show Boston Legal. It just had that vibe to it. I don't listen to this genre very much, so keep that in mind, but I would have to agree with the screeners that this chorus doesn't lift, and it doesn't feel like it fits with the rest of the song to me. To me, it's as if there are 2 songs in this song. The verses and then the chorus. Lyrics aren't my forte so I'll leave that for someone else to comment on. Here's another thought, I could see this being more like an A-A-B-A type song with the way that you end each verse with the phrase "spend a little time with me." Maybe you double the length of the verses and then make a new "chorus" or B section???By the way, who sang the vocals? LOVE her voice!Well, hope my comments were useful. I'm curious to hear what you end up doing with the song so send me an update!- Big Blue

[teleblaster]

Thanks B3!I guess I was going for a Norah Jones thing on the chorus, but listening now the bluesy/americana probably doesn't jibe with the very pop verse. That's my 16 yr old daughter singing. She did a great job and I can't wait to write more stuff for her. I'll definitely put up a link after the re-work is done.Thanks for the comments and compliments!Erich

[simonparker]

have to agree with BigBlue here...good music for film/tv a la Boston Legal. For singer/songwriter placement I think this would work too. I think the pop/country listing would be problematic as others had said because of the chorus not being that traditional country 3 part harmony lift that we all listen for. Lyrically solid in my opinon. Not sure why you got a 6 on the 2nd listing, it's definitely an 8 if not a 9 in my humble opinion. Don't fret this one, try finding a library home for it, or write another tune!

[bigbluebarry]

You're welcome Erich... As I was listening, my head was saying "the chorus doesn't vibe with the rest of the track" but then my ears and heart would say "but man, that's some SWEEEEET guitar playing!" Looking forward to hearing what you do with it. And pass along my compliments to your daughter, you must be a proud papa!- Big Blue

[bucyboy]

This song sounds great. Really nice job the way it pulls you in. The way it sits right now, I think it would work great on TV. I can hear it on House or some other big time show where there's a relationship issue. Nice Job! For a radio cut, I agree it needs a bigger, longer, chorus. I guess it depends on where you want to go with it, but somebody should pick this up! I love the mood it creates. IMHOBuc