Comments please

[jetsetter]

HelloI'm new to the forum (but not to Taxi.) I'd be very grateful in getting some tips on how to make a song more compelling/distinctive. I submitted a new song to the listing below and was told that lyrically it's close but not quite there. I'm not great with lyrics so if anyone has any ideas then... I'm all ears.Thanks.D090317ARALTERNATIVE ROCK/POP SONGS in the range of Kings of Leon, The Flaming Lips, Audioslave, The Killers, etc. are wanted by an Independent Film Producer who is working on a new comedy film project. The film producer wants cool, hip, modern songs that must include hooks with big payoffs. The theme of the film is along the lines of "American Pie" or "Road Trip" and the scenes are basic "guys meet girls and party," "fun times" and "as the relationship develops." So lyrical content should try to reflect these types of scenes and not be too heavy. They will license your synch and master for a total of $500 and give you a screen credit. This is a non-exclusive deal, so you will keep your publishing. Please submit one to three songs online or per CD, include lyrics. All submissions will be screened on a YES/NO BASIS - NO CRITIQUES FROM TAXI - and must be received no later than Noon (PST) on Tuesday, March 17, 2009. TAXI #D090317ARand here's the review:"I like the performance here, as it is compelling. The feel has elements of retro and modern working. Lyrically, however, this tag can be stronger as a payoff. Close."I have no complaints just curious how I can make the tag stronger. Also I'm not totally sure what the reviewer means by "this tag can be stronger as a payoff."The song is called THERE IS NO LOVE and you can hear it here:www.taxi.com/markcrozerThanks in advance for any feedback.Mark

[allends]

Apr 1, 2009, 5:47pm, jetsetter wrote:...The song is called THERE IS NO LOVE and you can hear it here:www.taxi.com/markcrozerThanks in advance for any feedback.MarkHey Mark,I'm not a lyricist but I do have some emotional reactions to your song that I can express in musical terms. Maybe if I'm w-a-y off base someone smarter will notice and chime in. Either way you win, Mark! Very generally, I feel that the length of your syllables in your verses is too similar to your Chorus. There's a lot of air in the chorus, and that's cool, but I find myself wishing some of the sentences in your verses were longer. Some phrases end soon and there is a pause without singing before the next verse. For me, that makes your verses feel too much like your chorus.Here's a fun example of a change that would fill those spaces. I'm not saying it's a good change, but it might make you rethink the cadence and feel of your song:Your lyrics:Think about all the lives you've changed.<pause>All the faces, all the people that you've saved.My Idea:Think about all the lives you've changed,Each & every day.All the faces, all the people that you've saved.Yeah, I know it's kinda lame, but the density of the revised verse is more satisfying to my ears. I hope you feel the rhythm and know better what to do with it if you like the idea.Cheers,Allen

[unit58studios]

Ok had a listen and the root of the problem is that the tag line musically is very similar in verse and chorus. The real test is - does that tag line come into your head at odd times outside of the studio. I know it is so easy to sell a song to yourself when you have have sung it a million times but thats where a good Producer comes in - it really does make all the difference to have someone who sits outside the song looking in. I am going to redo everyone of my tracks with one of my studio Producers thats how convinced I am. Nick Redford www.unit58.com www.taxi.com/nrjiffy

[beckroo]

The production and VOX are well-recorded. Good studio quality. Do think there is a need to break out of the verse and into a bridge/chorus in a different key and possibly break down he templ at some point. Words could use more original concrete phrases that root the feelings into visual. Just an opinion . .

[lsp]

I think the reviewer may be refering to the fact that the lyric does not tell the listener why There is no love without your love. The constant repeat of the phrase does not reinforce a particular meaning. The verses refer to changes and impact on others but the listener is not treated to the a reason or answer why. If the listener knew that bit of information it may be the payoff (or hook) the reviewer is referring to. Overall a very cool vibe, rather Beatlesque...Very British...Good Luck!