It's like chasing a rainbow will I ever reach it?

[christophersclaybo]

I will keep this ASAP--As SHORT as possible...(The following is the screams of a GROWN-UP ADULT experiencing his GROWING PAINS!! Funny, I thought when I was 18 I was finished growing up... How wrong I was!)Christmas Day, 2006, I received a package in the mail AND a telephone call, well, my parents did, from the guy who asked the multi platinum producer to create the track for me... I FINALLY had the first track to ANY of my songs, created for me by a multi platinum producer... The music was not specifically crafted around the lyrics: I found I would have to craft the lyrics around the beat. (I gotta keep it real and honest. I was promised this producer would produce ONE of my song. I was NEVER promised a HIT SONG--that would be MY responsibility... Still... I wish he had included BRIDGE MUSIC in the track. I feel so strongly about this in my gut THAT THE BRIDGE WILL MAKE THE SONG infinitely better than if it DOESN'T have a bridge...)The first thing I noticed was he got the song title wrong. That was REALLY and truthfully MY FAULT, you see. If the listener cannot guess the correct title to a song when he / she hears it, then MAYBE, JUST MAYBE, the hook isn't standing out... ENOUGH... Did I get mad? NAW! I got WISER!!! I went back and removed all the unnecessary distractions from the hook.First I sent the track in as a submission to an instrumental listing and the screener said "The music is driving me banana's! I only wish your submission was broadcast quality, as the listing asked for that. That is why I cannot forward it..."I FINALLY recorded my vocals to the track and, well, the critiques suddenly, well... The song was consistently labeled as too predictable.In 2008 I sent the song to Studio Pros so the could put real instruments to it and make it demo-ready. Well, I got THEIR product back and sent it in for a custom critique...To hear the song PLEASE go to my Taxi web page (I don't have a clue as to HOW to direct you there, except to say go to to http://www.taximusic.com. My user name is:user name: "WildManChris2000", Song: "Reach Out and Grab It (Still Not There Yet)HERE is the critique.Name Christopher Clayborne Listing # custom Song Title Reach out and Grab It - The Next Step (Still not there) StyleGenerally falls into hip hop/rap, although could be more competitive.MelodyShoot for a cadence that rides the track better and has a catchiness. Your style for certain inflection adds some energy and emphasis, but still try to work it into a a natural flow and memorable melody.StructureYour verses are distinct enough. However, the chorus section ("reach out and grab it, take control of the scene...") is not obvious and stand out enough. It's too similar to the verses. Shoot for more catchiness with the melody. Also, in the track try adding drum fills or some other musical cue to set up and signal the transition. The breaks are cool and add moments of surprise, but will have better effect once the verses and chorus are adjusted.LyricThere's a humor and comedic tone which can work if played well enough. There's a motivational side to it as well. I'd say try to be a bit more creative; go for more wit. Be clever on describing the situations and tell more of a story. Also come up with a unique angle; it's a bit too general and rambling. I don't quite get the "don't you dare say it" lines. You might connect it a bit better o the rest of the song. In certain parts of the verses, the rhymes are cool, but it's not sustained, throughout. You might develop stronger rhyme patterns.TitleToo long and too many parts. Since you have "The Next Step", I gather it's a part 2 so to speak or a remix of an original song of - "Reach Out & Grab It". Consider leaving it at that; don't add on the "(Still Not There)".Overall CommentsThanks for the song Chris.You have some raw workable elements, but there can be much more development. Indeed the music is important, but what's really key for hip hop are both lyrics and flow - that is what makes a good mc. I'd say those are the main two areas for you to focus on.With your flow, you do have an energetic, comedic personality and style (somewhat along the lines of Enimem's Slim Shady character). However, it's a bit manic here. Balance it with some control and command in your flow. Also, try to get into a cadence that rides the beat naturally interspersed with moments of distinctive delivery; have a balance of regular pattern and variation. Plus try to make that cadence and/or melody catchy and memorable. You had the right idea on the chorus, but it doesn't stand out from the verses. So try to create more contrast - vocals, melody/chant and music.Lyrically, I get the main point, but stretch to be more creative with storytelling or describing the individual situations; come up with a unique angle on the overall concept. Also, work on improving your rhymes. You have moments, but try to expand the rhymes and pattern for the whole verse.On the track side, the basic beat is ok. The guitar is a cool idea, but try to do something more interesting with it; same thing with synths and keys. Also, you might add drum fills as well as other percussion to give the arrangement variety. Change up the pattern or loop at times; it becomes a bit too predictable. Overall, it's a workable start, but focus on developing your flow & delivery, improving the rhymes and lyrics and honing your general performance. Keep at it and best of luck.Overall RatingThese numerical scores are an indicator of your relative strengths and weaknesses, and do not determine whether or not the song is forwarded.N/A 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 (10=best) Music -- 6 Lyrics -- 4 Marketability -- 4 Arrangement -- 5 Production -- 6 Engineering -- 7Listener ID # 178I had felt for SO LONG I had reached Point C, only to find I am still at Point A, but hey... I WILL NOT GIVE UP, dammit! Gonna go back and rewrite the damn song AGAIN till I get the damn thing right! Oh, and someone suggested to me to write one song every day, NOT TO STOP until I had written 100 songs, and by then I might have ONE REAL HIT!!! Kinda hard when all I write is lyrics. This track from this multi platinum producer was my one and only shot, or hope. My guts keeps telling me the track's not right for this song. Laura Becker, former VP of A & R of 2K Sounds, listened to the song last year and told me the same thing. "This music is very good but it doesn't fit your song."SOMEBODY HELP ME!!!! I don't have much time left in this biz! I'm old and losing my prime and NEED TO GET THAT FIRST SONG OUT YESTERDAY!!!Is there ANYONE SERIOUS ENOUGH, and qualified enough without a day job to distract them for God only knows how long, who can help me??Time is not just money, it's all I've got left...Not all's bad. Last year Unique Monique heard the producer's track and told me, "I want to sing back up vocals for this song! I LIKE IT!" This year, whenever we performed the song LIVE we got AWESOME FEEDBACK BUT... Anytime we played the CD we were met with, "Oh, it's OK." We played it for one of the panelists the last day of the Rally and he suddenly went from happy-to-see-us to I'm-a-have-to-be-leaving-soon.This year I picked up some big time collabs to help me with the song. A really talented family AND a big-name bass player.I must take this song back to the wood shed YET AGAIN to change the verses so they do NOT sound like the chorus...All the collabs in the world can't make a monotonous and too-predictable song and magically turn in into a HIT!To the multi platinum producer and his friend who tried to help: THANK YOU FOR YOUR HELP STILL! I plan to use the music you created for me to write ANOTHER, and MUCH BETTER song...IF YOU READ THIS I ASK THE READER FOR JUST ONE FAVOR...Click this link: www.taxi.com/wildmanchris2000 Listen to my song on my Taxi webpage and CRITIQUE ME--be harsh, be cruel, if you must, just be honest and TO THE POINT!...

[mistydawn]

Hi Chris,I'm getting the feeling that people have not been taking you seriously, and even taking you for a ride Which upsets me, because I know that you have a passion for it...and in the mess I can see what your going for.First and foremost- you must work on your vocal presence.Record. Listen. Re-work it. Over and over and over.I get the feeling that there were supposed to be backup vocals, but the volume was all the same.There were no vocal effects where there should have been.....I'm supposing that the music wasn't all that great because....if you aren't working with them directly in the studio then.... How do they know what you need!They don't.It feels like you're rushing this. Rushing. And if your product isn't good, it won't matter how fast you get there.You live in a small town, and its hard to get anything good in a small town.Sometimes you have to do it yourself, to attain your vision of where you want to be.To start from the beginning takes money....A Mac comes with the program Garageband (you can order the DVD on how to create music using Garageband)...or something similar.It's a beginning to your creations, to help people see what your goal is- should you want to expand on your music and make it better.Its a great way to start to see how mixing, creating and mastering is done.And also the technical jargon....Do your research on the internet.And keep working it until its perfect.That takes years. It is not overnight, and its not even one year.Keep working.And that's all I can say Good Luck to you,M

[hummingbird]

Hey Christopher - yeah, these are growing pains. First off... all ya'll are putting the cart before the horse by focussing on *producing*. You need to work on *songwriting* first. No money should have been spent on the song before getting it professionally evaluated. How come I give that advice? Cause I spent $5,000 producing 6 or 7 songs that I now know weren't worth that investment. Plus, I didn't know a thing about producing, or pitching, so I didn't even know what kind of instructions to give to the producer I paid, or how to assess his work within the context of commercial viability. (He was a rock guitarist... so everything came out sounding classic rock, even when it was country.)And what if this particular song, while being good... isn't worth the time & effort to rewrite again? I remember Jason Blume saying... you can rewrite a song... but that won't necessarily make it a hit.So why not take what you've learned from this process and write new stuff with that knowledge. I'd recommend you find a way to record a simple vocal/guitar or vocal/beats or vocal/piano 'worktape, and have the new song evaluate thru custom critique or professional evaluation. When you send in for you CC, ask them 'please tell me who the 'a la's' would be for this song'. When it seems like the song itself is hot, then listen to the 'a la's' and take samples of the a la's to the experienced hip hop producer and say, 'I want it to sound like this'. Not copying the song, but listening to the production elements & choice of instruments & vocal lines and understanding how that genre 'sounds' different from others, and how that artist 'sounds' different from others.I think it would be better for you to put this particular song away for awhile. Write some other stuff, find a good collaborator to do the music, and when you have more experience, come back to this song and assess whether it's worth the effort of revision... and if so, you can rewrite it with your additional knowledge.I chose to comment on the process rather than the song itself as this is not my genre. Hope my feedback makes sense,cheersHummin'bird

[christophersclaybo]

Nov 30, 2008, 12:57pm, hummingbird wrote:Hey Christopher - yeah, these are growing pains. First off... all ya'll are putting the cart before the horse by focussing on *producing*. You need to work on *songwriting* first. No money should have been spent on the song before getting it professionally evaluated. How come I give that advice? Cause I spent $5,000 producing 6 or 7 songs that I now know weren't worth that investment. Plus, I didn't know a thing about producing, or pitching, so I didn't even know what kind of instructions to give to the producer I paid, or how to assess his work within the context of commercial viability. (He was a rock guitarist... so everything came out sounding classic rock, even when it was country.)And what if this particular song, while being good... isn't worth the time & effort to rewrite again? I remember Jason Blume saying... you can rewrite a song... but that won't necessarily make it a hit.So why not take what you've learned from this process and write new stuff with that knowledge. I'd recommend you find a way to record a simple vocal/guitar or vocal/beats or vocal/piano 'worktape, and have the new song evaluate thru custom critique or professional evaluation. When you send in for you CC, ask them 'please tell me who the 'a la's' would be for this song'. When it seems like the song itself is hot, then listen to the 'a la's' and take samples of the a la's to the experienced hip hop producer and say, 'I want it to sound like this'. Not copying the song, but listening to the production elements & choice of instruments & vocal lines and understanding how that genre 'sounds' different from others, and how that artist 'sounds' different from others.I think it would be better for you to put this particular song away for awhile. Write some other stuff, find a good collaborator to do the music, and when you have more experience, come back to this song and assess whether it's worth the effort of revision... and if so, you can rewrite it with your additional knowledge.I chose to comment on the process rather than the song itself as this is not my genre. Hope my feedback makes sense,cheersHummin'birdYour answer(s) is / are EXTREMELY enlightening... Thanks.I've recently gotten the sudden-inspiration for material to finish writing another song so I'll concentrate on not only that, but AFTER THAT I will pay to get a simply drum / guitar, maybe piano track to it. I will THEN send it in for a custom critique and ask for the "a las".You can do me one favor... Please...Check out www.taxi.com/wildmanchris2000 and check out the first and last of my same song and tell me if either version of my previous song is worth a damn? Maybe I'll just scrap that shit song indefinitely, I don't know. That damn song has wasted enough of my precious time and emotion anyway...

[christophersclaybo]

Nov 30, 2008, 9:52am, mistydawn wrote:Hi Chris,I'm getting the feeling that people have not been taking you seriously, and even taking you for a ride Which upsets me, because I know that you have a passion for it...and in the mess I can see what your going for.First and foremost- you must work on your vocal presence.Record. Listen. Re-work it. Over and over and over.I get the feeling that there were supposed to be backup vocals, but the volume was all the same.There were no vocal effects where there should have been.....I'm supposing that the music wasn't all that great because....if you aren't working with them directly in the studio then.... How do they know what you need!They don't.It feels like you're rushing this. Rushing. And if your product isn't good, it won't matter how fast you get there.You live in a small town, and its hard to get anything good in a small town.Sometimes you have to do it yourself, to attain your vision of where you want to be.To start from the beginning takes money....A Mac comes with the program Garageband (you can order the DVD on how to create music using Garageband)...or something similar.It's a beginning to your creations, to help people see what your goal is- should you want to expand on your music and make it better.Its a great way to start to see how mixing, creating and mastering is done.And also the technical jargon....Do your research on the internet.And keep working it until its perfect.That takes years. It is not overnight, and its not even one year.Keep working.And that's all I can say Good Luck to you,MI appreciate what you have to say, and, thanks for responding.(Check out www.taxi.com/wildmanchris2000 if you haven't already heard my song. I'm very interested in your feedback...)Get this, the music was provided to me by a demo service recommended by Taxi in Recording Magazine. My dad said the music totally lacked any force and had no heart put in it. I wasted almost $800. Michael said he would talk to the owner of the demo service and try to get me my money back, I said, forget it, I don't want enemies in this biz. When the owner of the demo service called me he said he had paid the musicians...Like I said, listen to the third track on my taxi page @ www.taxi.com/wildmanchris2000 and tell me if those are REAL INSTRUMENTS they used to make my song. As soon as dad heard the first tracks from this service he said knew right away it was MIDI."They didn't use real instruments," he commented. DON'T GET ME WRONG the music sounded fantabulous... But then I made the mistake of singing my vocals to it and IT SOUNDED LIKE SHIT!The prosody WAS NOT T H E R E!!!! They told me they'd put a bridge to my song THEY NEVER FRICKIN D I D !!! I was told one thing but when I telephoned to ask why there was no bridge I was told, "We only use the music you send us we don't create new music. If you want to but chord progressions you can do that but..." Why in the f--- wasn't I TOLD this when I was all cheery voiced and excited about their "new" service?The bright side? At least this demo service IS legit! I learned they ARE NOT MIRACLE-WORKERS!! It is so g---damn frustrating when you have a vision AND NOBODY ELSE HAS A G---DAMN CLUE!!! Every other local smocal no-talent wannabe around where I live I've tried to work with in past years has either illegally sampled or just didn't have a clue. I have to laugh because they don't say"songs", they call them "tracks". What a frickin laugh, huh!!!!Well... I'm paying my dues. I'm no American Idol so I don't get the luxury of not having to feel those growing pains. It's only $800 IF I ever DO get that hit song I'll never miss it! Do NOT think for one second I am knocking Taxi. I THANK GOD FOR TAXI! I wouldn't have made it even ONE-TENTH THIS FAR had it not been for Michael Laskow and Taxi, and, unless I die (and I don't intend on THAT happening anytime soon, God willing,) I WILL SEE YOU @ NEXT YEAR'S ROAD RALLY.I am old and time is running out for me so I'd better do this soon.I want to be happy WHILE I still got my grandparents still living!I have too many dreams I want to fulfill to speak about in this one post. I think I'll keep channeling this rage into more songwriting, create songs that buck the comfort zone of suburbia, hopefully create a few tsunamis in the world. My songs are raw NOT politically correct! I ain't your bubble gum cheesy sappy-love-song American Idol!!! I AM WILD MAN CHRIS! I am everything to everybody! I ain't gonna wear that shit-eatin' grin on my face!I'm already getting alotta new ideas for some new songs!Those who don't like it know where they can go and IF THEY DON'T... I'll be happy to tell them! God! I LOVE these forums!!!! THIS is almost as fun as songwriting!

[hummingbird]

It's really hard for me to access the commercial viability of what you have, since this is absolutely not my genre. I think it sounds cool (or would if it was properly produced). But I'm not an A&R rep. I'm not sure what your target market is... if you're going for an artist pitch, you need to do what I said above, and zero in on the production elements and vocal style that is going to be closest to the 'a la'. If you're going for film/tv, the good production is essential. If you are going for an artist/band pitch, then research that artist/band & find out how much of their own stuff they write. A lot of labels use staff writers. Getting an 'in' to an artist is tough, no matter how great a song is.My advice is still to let this one rest for awhile & work on other things. My good friend always "I'm not a fan of arbitrary deadlines". There's no rush to rewrite & reproduce this song. Let it go, and come back to it later. It will still be there. If you were in my studio, I could show you the many 'get back to it later' sketches & rewrites (& returned pieces) I have on my computer.-- just saw your last post. This is exactly what I'm talking about - getting songs produced before we have the experience to know what the heck is going on. I too got midi piano from BiaB on my country song, and rock drums on a folk ballad - but I don't blame the producer. I blame myself for not getting educated enough to know what was what. He made a good $5,000 off my excitement about my 'wonderful' songs. And heck, he thought they were good too. .... hang in!! I was where you are now, about 4 years ago... and after paying all that money out to 2 different producers and having an end product that was crap (not that I knew it at the time)... I decided to cut out the middle man and learn how to be a producer. Folks on this forum have been just amazing in helping me make that journey, and when you listen to my music now you hear something that comes from workin' on it day after day, trying to figure out what tools to get, how they work, how to compose effectively, and how to mix it all together well. I now get frequent forwards and have signed deals. we all have to start somewhere.