THIS TIME RETURN

[cjdenecia]

I'm new here, surely stepping out of turn but I know what I know - and tho the process on this seems to be geared to "projects" vs overall song worth, the facts as I hear it is simply that ...#1 - the hook lacks hook.#2 - as one poster pointed out, no sympathy will be given the singer for his matter of fact delivery about hitting his woman. hell, it turned me off ... I was ok with him in the storyline otherwise but on that - I just heard no remorse. it's ok to tell the story, tell the truth - but if a singer needs to be accepted by the listener, he might want to be a lot more conciliatory in a case like this.#3 technical performances and production are stellar otherwise. but tho my expertise isn't exactly country music, the need for a "grab you by the goosebump hook" exists in nearly every hit - whether broadcast ready or soundtrack meat and potatoes.of course, that's simply my opinion. sorry if I have just barged in and stepped on toes.

[djdale]

Points well taken on the two posts above, however brushing the truth under a rug doesn't make it go away. BTW, I never specifically wrote he BEAT her, I simply said "hurt". Your mind's eye interpreted the scene as physical. Could have been hurt feelings, verbal threats.I woke up one morning with almost the entire song 'written' and just laid it out, almost like I HAD to write this. Then I did some research at AA and interviewed many guys. The two scenarios are the most mentioned in real life situations.In Garth Brooks video The Thnder Rolls, if I remember correctly, he played the character, that struck the woman. Now surely most viewers must have throught that was Garth there abusing a woman...NOT...listeners and viewers are smarter than that.Yes there a few that cannot differenciate acting (sung or otherwise) from real life. Maybe actors shouldn't portray a murderer or abuser, or drug addict. Heaven forbid someone might think that's really him/her doing that! If artists choose not to portray the truth, that is their right as an artist. I just wrote a song from the heart as it was 'given' to me, and one with the truth. I know this song will hit home with MANY people. Who knows, an artist may be considered a hero by telling the truth, and it MIGHT even lead to some seeking a higher help - WOULDN'T THAT BE AMAZING!? If I could help just ONE person change their life positively by this song - THAT WOULD BE ENOUGH PAYMENT FOR ME!Again...people can repent and change. If you were emotionally moved in any way then I did my job as a songwriter.Even if no one picks this up, it doen't matter to me, because it is dedicated to those who have chosen to heal in one form or another. the Line "She opened the Book" has a double meaning; it could refer to the Bible, or the AA Big Book, which is their 12 Step Bible". I left it open to interpretation. My only gripe is THIS TIME was scored low on arrangement, production, music, musicianship, engeneering, and vocals, when I used the best players and producer at that time.Thanks for all your comments.PS Big sincere apology to Tracy Lawrence for saying he's not 'youthful'. He sure exuberates youthfulness onstage and in his psyche. Although we only differ in a few years, Tracy, you are one youthful cat my man.Dale

[ciskokidd]

Hey Dale,Just a couple more points: It's true you didn't say he beat her, but why else would he end up in jail? I guess DUI, but the inference is there due to the lines being one after the other.I'm with ya man. By all means write what you feel and let the chips fall where they may. I just wanted to comment on why you had the return on your submission.Other than that the performances and emotional impact are there for me.Hopefully I was constructive and didn't come across as a know-it-all.Best,Cisko

[djdale]

I'm with ya man. By all means write what you feel and let the chips fall where they may. I just wanted to comment on why you had the return on your submission.Thanks. I got a return due to the fact that the subject matter 'may be too heavy for an artist this youthful'.I was commended however for taking chances and writing the truth.Please pass this song onto anyone whom you think might benefit without sounding too 'preachy'.Thanks in advance.Dale

[cjdenecia]

Nov 19, 2008, 4:04pm, ciskokidd wrote: It's true you didn't say he beat her, but why else would he end up in jail? I guess DUI, but the inference is there due to the lines being one after the other.I'm with ya man. By all means write what you feel and let the chips fall where they may. what he said.cj

[claire]

In Garth Brooks video The Thnder Rolls, if I remember correctly, he played the character, that struck the woman. Now surely most viewers must have throught that was Garth there abusing a woman...NOT...listeners and viewers are smarter than that.-------------------------------------------------------------------Somewhat off topic but I happened to see a video of Garth doing that song in concert, including the final verse that nobody ever hears. That's the verse where she runs down the hall and gets the gun out of the nightstand and swears he's never going to do that again. The inference, as the thunder rolls, is that she shoots his sorry ass. That verse was considered too controversial to be included in the regulation version of the song for radio and I think the only place it's recorded complete is on his "Live" album. Some topics are just too much for country radio to handle but we're getting a little better at it, I think. Nowadays Miranda Lambert is sitting by her door drinking beer and smoking a cigarette waiting for him to come home so she can shoot him because he slapped her face and shook her like a ragdoll.Claire

[simonparker]

DJ - I think you're gonna be hard-pressed to get a 10 score for country listings. Even with A players. This is a demo, not a finished recording. If you get a 7 - that's the equivalent of a 9 for a finished recording in my opinion.I think you'd get a forward for country (provided you're on target for the listing) if you had a 9 music and 10 lyric for this song. I also think that having a 9 or 10 in both the music or lyric will up your scores for production, engineering, and vox as well since the melody and lyric will move the listener psychologically. Finally, you're dealing with a screener who has his/her biases. I've pitched songs to similar high bar listings that one screener gave a vocalist a 7 and another a 9. Heck - I've, with my terrible vocal range and tone, have gotten a 7!Just my opinion - but something to think about.

[djdale]

I don;t think it was the music, I think the topic is too 'touchy' for artists to paint a real picture of real life situations, that might be misconstrude as their actual experience, even though they can sing about getting different chicks, when the public knows they are married. Why is one OK and the other taboo?An artist MIGHT be considered a hero to sing the truth...Dale

[christophersclaybo]

LOL! LOL again I LOVE these posts I'm reading on this particular thread aboput this one song! God! I love these posts!!!!! I just GOTTA add my two cents!I don't know beans abut Nashville, Tn, or country music. This songs sounds like something I'd expect to hear on the radio. The vocals are very manly, almost "Toby Keith-like". The music is crisp. The hook comes in with a nice kick..(I am a rapper who LOVES 80's music. I got my ability to appreciate country music from my Momma.)The only thing is most people cannot IDENTIFY with the character in this song. If music is the universal language iti s so because it has SOMETHING in it that can appeal to seemingly everybody, or enough people that it has mass appeal.I like the song but the character is NOT someone I'd want to be. Hell, I'd be chafed if someone even THOUGHT I was anything like this character. If a country DJ played this song in a honkey tonk, would it cause all the couples in the room to want to get up and make their way to slow dance on the dance floor? Or would the message get in the way of this simply because they can't--or might not WANT to--to view their lives through this song's message.Yes, people can repent and change--with God's help. Other than that the rule for women is "If he strikes you once, he WILL do it again." YES I KNOW you said in your previous post he could have just hurt her feeling, but even to me it sounds like he did something pretty bad if he went to jail. That said, when we write songs WE'VE ABSOLUTELY got to ask ourselves, "How will OTHERS see this?"Take heart, I wish I could finish JUST ONE of my songs and have it sound as good as this one does...