First Critiques, first returns, but positive!

[dommydom]

hi guys, submitted to this one:MALE AND FEMALE SINGER-SONGWRITERS in the wide range of Regina Spektor, Rachael Yamagata, Ingrid Michaelson, Rufus Wainwright, Patrick Wolf, Sufjan Stevens, Jeff Buckley, etc. are sought after by the Director of A&R at an established Independent Label. This label hosts a roster of eclectic and unique artists with one thing in common - the bar is super high in terms of songwriting and talent. As with any label, they'll be looking for you to show that you take your career seriously with online presence/touring experience and a growing fan base. You'll want to include links in your bio and DON'T FORGET to upload the photo and the bio along with your submissions. This label will be looking for what sets you apart from everyone else in a unique but still accessible/marketable way.I wasn't expecting to get forwarded for this one.... and didnt. haha. but the critique was all pretty positive.. i submitted 3 songs (all on http://www.myspace.com/domcooley)Mexico:I like the simple, conversational way the lyric unfolds like listening to someone sitting at a bar telling you a story about this girl he met last night. So lyrically, this is pretty solid. But musically it's not as riveting. Part of it is that the chorus is clearly the chorus and comes in like one, and contrasts from the verse before it. But the actual chords & melodies you use to construct it are more familiar and reminded me of several other songs like this, rather than delivering the knockout punch needed by taking me somewhere I haven't been before but would love being taken to. I almost knew where the chorus was going and how it would end by the 2nd chord and melody over it.they gave mexico all 7s with 8s for lyrics and musicianship3rd Person FemaleI was IMMEDIATELY intrigued by this fresh title phrase and was anticipating to see how you would use it in the song, even assuming it might be the central theme or a key line in the chorus somehow. instead, you never even use it in the song at all. Not that the actual chorus and chorus lyrics are bad when they arrive...And she can’t trust herself,Doesn’t know quite what she’s feelingShe’s screaming at the wall,As she climbs up to the ceilingBut none of that is as immediately intriguing as the line you didn't use. And musically, though not as familiar as the 1st song, this chorus still has more of a "been there, done that" sheen to it, than slapping me in the face as we go down those musical roads less traveled for the chorus. I''m not saying it has to like the parting of the Red Sea there to register in the way I mean, maybe it's just an unexpected key change, or unexpected note in the chord to start, say the 2nd or 9th instead of the usual note people go to say the 4th or 5th. It's not telling you what to do, just saying you need to get somehow to that higher ground where your song and choruses might stand out above all others. C'mon mate, you can get there !!!once again 7's with 8s. this time for musicianship and lead vocals. I found the comments on the title quite funny, as I rarely name my own songs.. and didnt name this one... a friend of mine did. She played a song that she said was written in third person female but was probably about her at a gig... then a couple of days later we were playing some songs for each other.. i played this one and said it was in third person female, but i think some of it is about me and she said... just call it third person female. haha. so i did.Next To YouNo danger in expecting as much form this more generic title phrase and I wasn't disappointed. In fact this whole lyric was the most standard of the bunch, which is sad because at the same time this was the musical chorus payoff I like most. Memorable in simple but effective way. But this pitch calls for the total package to dazzling degree in the song craft, musically and lyrically, plus a unique artist style and presentation. This is a good stopping point on the overall journey to assess how far you've come thus far in your craft and development, but there's still some more road ahead of youthis one wasnt as good obviously! a few 6'5 some 7s and some 8soverall comments:Hey Dom; Great try with this well intentioned trio, and I already gave you some Aussie bonus points, but you still have to do your part in this level pitch to go on. That means undeniably unique and stand out songs, artist style & sound, & image without a doubt. So by that formidable bar, this is surely good and you do everything right in a basic way, but there's no extra "oomph" here I can get behind to forward you here. In fact, these are the hardest critiques of all and the ones that keep me up at night, because it's much easier when there is some glaring flaw or area needing further work, or a change that will instantly make a difference. But there is nothing really wrong here, just nothing extra enough or unexpected, or any of those other intangible little things you have to find that just jump out and add the final magic. And believe me, I surely want to feel that way here for you, but i can't just yetand the main reasons:I was rooting for you before I even played the first song, but no one song has that final "x factor" just yet. And that's why it's so hard. It's not like you're far off, or your choruses are bad, or any of dozens of reasons why things don't quite get there fully some times, it's just that this is the hardest, when the bar in play calls for nothing short of amazing and you're consistently "very good.'so there you go... finally my first critique! thanks to screener 152 for being so gentle on my first time ...

[billg]

Hey , welcome to Taxi! Your stuff would have been forwarded to any other suitable listing, this was just a very high bar. For what it's worth, I really dig your songs-

[dommydom]

thanks bill..I figured it was mainly just because of how high the bar was from how positive it was overall.. plus like i said i wasnt really expecting to be forwarded.. have just been submitting to anything that i think i remotely fit because i want to get the critiques!

[tedsingingfox]

Hey, Dom.Welcome to the boards and to TAXI.Gotta tell you... I enjoyed "Mexico", but the verses and the chorus sound WAY too much alike...and I can understand why the screener said what he/she did.And, like the screener, I think your lyrics in the chorus of "3rd Person Female" are truly wonderful; but I couldn't help but think there was a missing...uhm...SOMETHING to lift the whole piece up to that title. Even if it was an accident, the title is BRILLIANT, and evocative in the extreme. Regardless, another nice tune.AND, once more, like the screener said, the musical payoff in the chorus of "Next to You" is the BEST of the three. The mood of the verses is terrific and the transition is musically smart AND just the slightest bit unexpected. That's great, and JUST what the TAXI screeners are looking for.Bottom line, you are mighty close to getting over that "high bar" we're all aiming for. You keep working at this, keep thinking about "long-term goals" instead of instant gratification...and you will find success. Maybe not the success you perceive right now, but true, lasting success...which is rarely what we believe it to be as we're hunting it down.Nice work. And I'm certain you're only going to be getting better.TedBTW, I have a cousin who's been living in Wanturna for nearly 30 years now. I haven't gotten to visit him since 1995, but Melbourne will ALWAYS be one of the loveliest cities I've ever seen.

[dommydom]

thanks for the comments ted, I appreciate it! I love Melbourne too... came here for 2 days on the way to and from a festival 2 and a half years ago.... After 2 days back at work i realised i had to move here, so i did 2 weeks later and havent looked back!

[dommydom]

and Wantirna is only about 15 minutes from me.

[tedsingingfox]

Aug 7, 2008, 5:25pm, dommydom wrote:and Wantirna is only about 15 minutes from me. Very cool.so, if and when I AM able to get back down under, we'll have to meet up face to face.Eager to hear more of your stuff...ted

[zoom]

hey Dom!I listened to Mexico, and it's a really cool song! You know, this listing does have that high bar in the stratosphere... so no worries mate! It's kind of one of those things, where I think what you really needed to clear the bar was a top notch producer... but of course to get one you have to have songs to clear the bar! But at least the screener was encouraging you to go to that next level.... which is great to know. Keep writing and honing your craft!And.... I also was in Melbourne recently (Feb. 2007) and Melbourne was by far my favorite city in the land of Oz (much more than Sydney).... though those hook turns in the city nearly killed me as I drove on the wrong side of the road in the wrong side of the car.... dodging trollies, cars, trucks and people right after I picked up the rental car! Between that and hitting the windshield wiper instead of the blinker (and vice versa), it's amazing I made it out alive!!!