Must AC Pop lyrics rhyme ? (Screener Return.)

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mayfly
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Must AC Pop lyrics rhyme ? (Screener Return.)

Post by mayfly » Thu Mar 29, 2007 9:56 am

Oh well - another day - another disgruntled songwriter.Another reject who thinks his screener was talking twaddle.I've had many returns when I've been able to hold my hands up and say 'fair cop' he's talking sense. But not this time.I particularly disagree with his opinion that lyrics in this genre must rhyme.Anyone of us could write a list of hit songs with non rhyming lyrics. So - sticking my head under the bacon slicer - Second Opinions Wanted. (This is where I get shot down in flames - hey ho - it's all a learning experience.)HERE'S THE LISTING:Adult Contemporary TAXI # S070302AC HOT AC / MODERN POP SONGS in the general range of Rob Thomas, Kelly Clarkson, Pink, Five For Fighting, Natasha Bedingfield, etc. are still wanted by the Sr. VP of Creative at a large Independent Publisher. He’s seeking great hit songs to pitch to today’s biggest Pop stars. No need to submit same material forwarded for Y060817MP. Please submit one to three songs online or per CD/cassette, include lyrics. All submissions will be screened and critiqued by TAXI and must be received no later than March 2, 2007. TAXI # S070302AC HERE'S THE SONG:http://www.readsongs.com/lyrics.php?son ... owmeHERE'S THE COMMENTS. (Screener No.239)(The screener liked the song but not the lyric.)"Not up to standard lyrically.""Could have more potential with stronger lyrical content.""Lines like "butterfly"/"cocoon" are a bit predictable. Tell your story like it's a movie. Use natural expressions and build upon each verse. ""Lyrically, can you go back and create a firm rhyme scheme that audiences can count on? It gives a sense of comfort and cadence that audiences often expect. ""Might benefit from some lyrical revisits. Feels a bit undeveloped in that arena." "In the pop genre, it's key that the song rhyme. This one, unfortunately, does not. The message is good but your lyrics could use some polish. Lines like "life moves on but not for all" is a big awkward. The general thesis of this song is good but you might want to step back and revisit the lyrics for realism and rhyme scheme."

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Re: Must AC Pop lyrics rhyme ? (Screener Return.)

Post by jeffe » Thu Mar 29, 2007 10:36 am

I'd say that most commercially successful songs have rhyme in them. It doesn't mean that they completely rhyme throughout.Psychologically, rhyme has the effect of repetition, yet using different words, and commerce has learnt that repetition in moderation works well.They will want that tried and tested formula.You wont find many companies that are willing to gamble outside that arena.They are not into taking risks.I read about this in the music industry years ago. The only ones that may take a punt on something different are the smaller indie companies.
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Re: Must AC Pop lyrics rhyme ? (Screener Return.)

Post by hummingbird » Thu Mar 29, 2007 12:23 pm

I like these lyrics. They have attitude. I see the screener's point, though.
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Re: Must AC Pop lyrics rhyme ? (Screener Return.)

Post by arkjack » Thu Mar 29, 2007 4:11 pm

I beg to differ..... I see rhymes in your lyrics.... I couldn't get it to play though to hear how it sat with the melody. there's behind, cry fly fall all go know gone one.... there appears to be some rhyme, but not perfect rhymes which to me is a trait of advanced songwriting.... I wish I could hear it.... I wrote a non-rhyme song once... Mary had a little lambHis name was FredGot hit by a semi truknow Fred is Lamberger..... ArkJack

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Re: Must AC Pop lyrics rhyme ? (Screener Return.)

Post by matto » Thu Mar 29, 2007 6:28 pm

Quote:I particularly disagree with his opinion that lyrics in this genre must rhyme.Anyone of us could write a list of hit songs with non rhyming lyrics. Well, I don't think they all MUST rhyme, but I'd guesstimate 95% do. I certainly can't come up with a list of recent hits in this genre that don't...perhaps two or three if I thought about it really hard.I have to agree with the screener that the lyrics in this songs are its weakness. They are not bad by any means but if you think e.g. of a song like Natasha Bedingfield's "Unwritten", those lyrics are miles ahead of what you've got here. Granted that's one of the best pop lyrics in recent memory, but that's the kind of stuff this company is looking for. Smash hits to pitch to today's biggest artists.To get forwarded to a listing like this, both music and lyrics have to be crafted to the highest standards. There are some good lines in this lyric and the overall idea works, but there are too many lines where IMHO you dropped the ball. And the paucity of rhymes only contributes to the somewhat hap hazardous and "unfinished" feel of this lyric.matto

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Re: Must AC Pop lyrics rhyme ? (Screener Return.)

Post by jeffe » Thu Mar 29, 2007 9:18 pm

I checked out your lyrics, and have a few things to say.When the screener tells you to tell your story like a movie, what they really mean is to give your lyrics a more visual quality. You can read one poem and take it in. Then you'll read another and the second one will fill your mind with images as you read it. There is a real art to doing that. If you can get the reader/listener to picture the story as they read/listen, then you've suceeded.I looked for inconsistencies and the one that really stood out was "You're still in your cocoon" and "You may have to run" in the same verse. I thought how could they run if they were in a cocoon?I get the general idea behind the words, but I thought the flow was a little disjointed.There stands the opinion of a single individual
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Re: Must AC Pop lyrics rhyme ? (Screener Return.)

Post by horacejesse » Thu Apr 05, 2007 3:20 pm

I believe it is important to rhyme but it makes no difference whether you follow a rigid rhyme scheme or not.

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