a la 'Patsy Cline' listing...your thoughts?

[devin]

Thanks in advance for anyone that gives this a listen and tells me what you think. All aspects are up for review, as always...I'm a feedback junkie for a song that I like (especially when I know there is more work to be done to make the song as good as possible). Your input would be greatly appreciated if you think this song is shaping up to be on target for the listing.Currently working towards this listing:TRADITIONAL COUNTRY SONGS WITH FEMALE VOCALS a la Patsy Cline, Tammy Wynette, Crystal Gayle, Loretta Lynn, etc. are needed by an established Music Publisher in Los Angeles. This company specializes in Film/TV and has signed & secured placements for many TAXI members. They'd like to focus on original songs that sound like they're from the 50s/60s/70s eras. These songs should be original, but with a close "soundalike" quality to the songs and style of the referenced artists. Performances and the sound quality must be excellent (solid demo recordings are okay as long as the quality is there). They offer a non-exclusive, 50/50 split deal - you keep your original copyrights. Broadcast quality needed. Please submit one to three songs online or per CD. All submissions will be screened and critiqued by TAXI and must be received by October 28, 2008. TAXI # S081028COAnd working on this song:http://www.thepondstudio.ca/3oclock.mp3(Note: The great Steve à Gilbert on keys!! And Steve's sent me some great feedback that still needs to be incorporated into this prelim version)With these words:3 O'Clock in the morning and you're still not homeHow many people are lonesome tonight?Their loved ones are cheating, do they think it's right?And I'm just another one sitting here tooWhile you're at the party, I'm waiting for you 3 O'Clock in the morning and you're still not home I know that you're cheating you're not out alone 3 O'Clock in the morning what else can I say You will be sorry somedayThis old wicked world is so full of sinThis whole mess got started by women and menWho couldn't be faithful and wound up untrueWhile you're at the party I'm waiting for you 3 O'Clock in the morning and you're still not home I know that you're cheating you're not out alone 3 O'Clock in the morning what else can I say You will be sorry someday

[jchitty]

I don't know why, but TAXI links aren't working for me this morning, so I couldn't access your song. However, take heart, I heard this before, although it may have been an earlier mix, but I remember it. From what I remember, it was really good....and the vocalist had a good voice....she did sound Patsy Clinish. So I do think you have a good chance!And Steve was great on the keyboards too....he did a good job from what I recall. Sometimes TAXI links are quirky...maybe I can try again another time.ChitsOct 5, 2008, 2:27pm, devin wrote:Thanks in advance for anyone that gives this a listen and tells me what you think. All aspects are up for review, as always...I'm a feedback junkie for a song that I like (especially when I know there is more work to be done to make the song as good as possible). Your input would be greatly appreciated if you think this song is shaping up to be on target for the listing.Currently working towards this listing:TRADITIONAL COUNTRY SONGS WITH FEMALE VOCALS a la Patsy Cline, Tammy Wynette, Crystal Gayle, Loretta Lynn, etc. are needed by an established Music Publisher in Los Angeles. This company specializes in Film/TV and has signed & secured placements for many TAXI members. They'd like to focus on original songs that sound like they're from the 50s/60s/70s eras. These songs should be original, but with a close "soundalike" quality to the songs and style of the referenced artists. Performances and the sound quality must be excellent (solid demo recordings are okay as long as the quality is there). They offer a non-exclusive, 50/50 split deal - you keep your original copyrights. Broadcast quality needed. Please submit one to three songs online or per CD. All submissions will be screened and critiqued by TAXI and must be received by October 28, 2008. TAXI # S081028COAnd working on this song:http://www.thepondstudio.ca/3oclock.mp3(Note: The great Steve à Gilbert on keys!! And Steve's sent me some great feedback that still needs to be incorporated into this prelim version)With these words:3 O'Clock in the morning and you're still not homeHow many people are lonesome tonight?Their loved ones are cheating, do they think it's right?And I'm just another one sitting here tooWhile you're at the party, I'm waiting for you 3 O'Clock in the morning and you're still not home I know that you're cheating you're not out alone 3 O'Clock in the morning what else can I say You will be sorry somedayThis old wicked world is so full of sinThis whole mess got started by women and menWho couldn't be faithful and wound up untrueWhile you're at the party I'm waiting for you 3 O'Clock in the morning and you're still not home I know that you're cheating you're not out alone 3 O'Clock in the morning what else can I say You will be sorry someday

[marcblack30]

I think is perfect for this listing.My only comment is to tweak the velocity of the sidestick, it's almost too perfect, give it more of a human feel, maybe throw in a couple of small subtle fills and some light cymbal brushes.this is tiny, but when the two vocals come in in the beginning, they're slightly off (timing) with each other, it may have been intentional but it sounds off to me.that's all i have, nice job!marc

[claire]

It sure sounds like it would be on target for that listing. Given that I'm hearing it through crappy computer speakers, I'm hearing the vocals a little pitchy and the harmonies aren't tight enough, both at the beginning and in the chorus in some spots. I wish the demo were a bit fuller, not that I'm all that up on Patsy Cline but I think country in the 50s and 60s used bass and guitars, which would make the demo sound less like a keyboard/vocal and more like a 50s sounding country song.Thinking of "Your Cheatin' Heart" which also has a singer saying that the cheater will regret it someday, that song expands on how the cheater is going to regret it. Just saying that "you will be sorry someday" and then leaving it at that makes me want to know more. How will he be sorry? I know older country songs weren't as big into stories as country songs are now, the lyrics were simpler (which is not to say less elegant, just less complicated) but your second verse is effectively saying the same thing as the first verse and you'd have plenty of room there to get into more of a story line and how he's going to be sorry some day.Just some thoughts.Claire

[devin]

Thanks all...great points for me to ponder, I appreciate it!

[davekershaw]

Hey Devin.I've only just seen, and heard this!I don't like the word pitchy, but I think the vocals could do with some work. Timing and pitch do go out.The girl's got a good voice, and I think it's worth a few more takes.Tighten those harmonies up!I don't know much about Patsy Kline, but it sounds like that era to me; though, of course, it's way before my time!

[claire]

Pitchy is the word they use around here. Flat. Slightly off. I think pitchy sounds better than flat! I agree with you, the singer has a good voice but there are spots that would benefit from a few more takes. And in case what I wrote sounded harsh, it certainly wasn't intended to be. Any of us who have submitted to the country listings and who have had more returns than forwards (my hand is raised!) know that the country listings are a bear. Even the listings that aren't looking for songs for Carrie Underwood or Keith Urban are selective, so why not give them a song that's written as if it were being submitted to the Carries and the Keiths? Make the lyrics their strongest, make the story its strongest, make the music its strongest and then submit it. As for Patsy Cline, she was recording songs like "Crazy" and "Walkin' After Midnight" and "I Fall To Pieces" which are country classics. This listing doesn't close until the end of the month, so I say...go for it. Rewrite anything you feel in your gut is not killer. Don't necessarily rewrite something if you believe in what you wrote. Just make sure the demo and the song are the best they can be and then - knock it out of the ballpark and make us all go HOORAY!!!Claire

[sgs4u]

Hey Devin, First of all thanks for having me play piano on the track. I wore my shut up and play hat. I like the song and I really like you, but recently, I've decided to really tell the truth with regards to demos and their odds of getting placed. I'd be surprised if this demo made it over the bar, as is. Speaking as a producer, I'd say the piano is Ok, but it's not going to be able to make the tune a slam dunk for a Patsy listing. (btw Claire-Patsy's regular piano player was Floyd Cramer, on a lot of her best tunes) This demo needs more substance, and excitement. It still need some acoustic guitars, some pedal steel and/or fiddle, some strings (a la Patsy) and I think the tempo is too slow. The singing is a lot more important than the piano, and we should talk about that. Your singer is adequate, but she's not killer. She doesn't seem to have the snap that Patsy's singing had. Chick singer's in the 50s & 60s in Nashville, had a lot of sparkle and subdued sarcasm, when they sung these kinds of tunes. Like they also knew a secret that we wouldn't get to know about, unless we got lucky enough to be introduced. Patsy Cline would've been the gal getting home late from the party at 3 am. If you re-wrote the tune about the singer wanting to be at the party, and maybe complaining that she didn't get to have he same amount/kind of fun as her man (who's still at the party), that might be less preachy than this lyric reads right now. Unfortunately this singer sounds too Canadian, a bit like Marge Osborne from Don Messer's Jubilee. Not enough alto in her voice for the high notes.... Remember that gal? (shit, I guess I'm really showing my age with that one) So there really is a lot more work to do on this tune. As much as I appreciate you getting me to play on the demo, it's not ethical for me not to tell you the song still needs lyric work. Then send this one to Nashville to get demoed, that'll be the only guarantee that it'll sound like a Patsy song. It's just not there yet. But it could get there, and you'd have a track that you could get placed in a number of ways, because it is already reminiscent of Patsy, and could have many palcement opportunitites, if it gets even closer to that sound.

[davekershaw]

Quote:Pitchy is the word they use around here. Flat. Slightly off. I think pitchy sounds better than flat!Yeah, but I still don't like it!It might sound better, but it's not specific enough;just a trendy generalisation. IMHO!Getting back to the song though, you made some good points,and so did "honest" Steve after you.

[devin]

As much as I like to talk (er..."type"...) I've been trying to shut up and listen (er..."read"...) when asking for feedback. That's why I haven't been dissecting your fine stuff back to the forum...it's printed out and highlighted beside the computer though!The way I see it, I'll probably never write the absolute perfect song in the first try. So I'm learning to take a song a certain distance, then offer it up for feedback (Geo helped me figure that out a few months ago..."post it early and raw, when your attachment is low").My sincere thanks again gang...what an awesome forum!And ya, I'm working the phone lines still to get things re-tracked. I wish I could pay folks to join in this fun...but I'm limited to a cash-less recording process at the moment, and I dearly appreciate the effort my friends are putting in for me.I could tell at each stage when the individual tracks were going down that stuff was just "OK" but not "excellent"...and a few things were just "wrong". But I didn't have the skill to recognize all the things that sounded off, so I brought the song out in the open in this thread.I wanted your thoughts before/if I went back to it. I'm grateful for your input...some of the problems with this song I could only feel, not label (and therefore I could not fix in isolation).I learned during the 50/90 challenge that I'm not defensive about my tunes (anymore )...I just lack the skill/talent to execute. This was a good realization for me, as I can fix things that I want to fix (even if it takes a while to figure out how to fix it).Except the piano. I consider that one "done enough" Sincerely Steve, your stuff is really nice...and your feedback is even better...thank you!