"Roses For No Reason"- Demo in Peer to Peer

[bucyboy]

Since attending the Nashville seminar I've been working on some of my story songs. I thought I'd post this one and get some feed-back. I'm still playing with some of the lines, but I think it's close enough for some input.BucThere is a link to the demo under peer to peer"ROSES FOR NO REASON" by Mark "Buc" Williams (copyright 2009, ASCAP)(V1)Ole' Duke and I took a ride to the local flower storeSaturday my wife turns 30, don't know what to get her anymoreWhile shoppin' for Patti I saw my daddy, said whatcha doin' here He said oh hi son, I come by here, mmm five-six times a year(V2)I said it's not mama's birthday or your anniversaryAnd I can't for the life of me think what else it could beHe said no son, it's not like that, see I used to be like youBut after all these years of married life, I've learned a thing or two(Chorus 1)She lovesThe cool breeze of a north wind On a warm summers dayPlayground slides and pony ridesNew brides with old bouquetsFedora hats and calico catsBlueberries out of seasonBut what she loves the most isRoses for no reason(V3)Well I looked at him, said daddy, I'm so impressed with youAppears, after all these years, I can still learn a thing or two He smiled at me and said son, I can see it in your eyes You thought you knew your mama, but you never realized(Chorus 2)She lovesScrapbooks filled with memoriesAnd old photo's from the pastHomemade lemonadeAnd the smell of fresh cut grassYellow labs and steamed blue crabsHot chocolate when it's freezin'But what she loves the most is Roses for no reason(Bridge)I said I wish I knew my wife as well as you know yoursHe said you will in time son there's one way to be sure(Chorus 3)You canSee what she likes on a moonlit' nightWhen your sittin' all alonePay attention to what she mentionsWhen you're talkin' on the phoneAnd for those times in lifeWhen it seems there'll be no pleasin' You know that'd be a good time forRoses for no reasonshort rideChorus 1 - fade out

[matthoggard]

Jun 18, 2009, 12:54pm, ontariolightning wrote:sorry yeah the bridge sure (shore) and your, most publishers would tell you to find a better rhymeWell Aaron and I disagree on another one! No I am not stalking you!!I love the imperfect rhyme in the bridge. I think most publishers are just looking for great songs and hooks. I seriously doubt that this rhyme would be an issue. IMO good writers use imperfect rhymes as sign posts to say "hey I can rhyme without using dr seuss"!I met with a publisher in Nashville a week ago and he said point blank, "Im not worried about rhymes, I want great songs". Sure the rhymes have to be good but thats not his focus. Thats just one publisher though.Aaron's gonna throw something at me pretty soon! Nice Lyric Buc.

[adrienne]

Hey Buc. I like this lyric a lot and it's a great idea. I think the aaba structure idea could work too so you may want to give it a try. The only lyric that doesn't sit right with me is the word "daddy". Most grown men don't call their fathers daddy. They'd call them dad, pa, pop. I think the term daddy would only work if a girl were singing the song (which obviously doesn't work with your story. A small change but I think it's a worthwhile one. Cool song Interested to hear the demo when you get it done.

[ontariolightning]

Jun 18, 2009, 3:03pm, matthoggard wrote:Jun 18, 2009, 12:54pm, ontariolightning wrote:sorry yeah the bridge sure (shore) and your, most publishers would tell you to find a better rhymeWell Aaron and I disagree on another one! No I am not stalking you!!I love the imperfect rhyme in the bridge. I think most publishers are just looking for great songs and hooks. I seriously doubt that this rhyme would be an issue. IMO good writers use imperfect rhymes as sign posts to say "hey I can rhyme without using dr seuss"!I met with a publisher in Nashville a week ago and he said point blank, "Im not worried about rhymes, I want great songs". Sure the rhymes have to be good but thats not his focus. Thats just one publisher though.Aaron's gonna throw something at me pretty soon! Nice Lyric Buc.It's not about the rhyme per say Matt, it's about manipulating the word to make it rhyme, it's basically forced, I've been told about it by publishers and of the critiques I get, whenever I try to sneak in a forced rhyme someone always catches it lol, it wouldn't matter but unless you're from new jersey then you probably won't say sure "shore"

[lyricboy]

Buc - Sorry I didn't get to meet you in the 'ville. Maybe we can get together sometime for a beer. My sister lives in Buffalo and we get up there a few times a year.Anyway. Love the lyrics. Nice one. I had a couple of nits. Small potatoes, but if you want 'em, here goes:Chorus 1, line 4Playground slides and pony ridesIt seems to me that Mama might be a bit old for that, though I have no doubt that she could like them. I think maybe:Kids on slides and pony ridesmight work a little more neatly.V3, line 2I think you can afford to fit an "It" before appears in this line. Flows better to my ear.Chorus 2, line 3Switch "Of" for an "And"I personally LOVE the changeup, structure, rhyme, sentiment and package of the last 3 lines of Chorus 1 and Chorus 2 AND Chorus 3.On the Bridge, I have no problem with that rhyme... I just have a slight twinge at "Your wife" when he's talking about his mom. Unless it's a Step-mom. But the best I could come up with now was:How'm I gonna know my wife like you know Mama's heartHe said, you will in time son, and here's a real fine place to startLastly, Chorus 3, Line 2I think "moonlit" scans better than "moonlight".Hey, I admitted they were tiny... but I think they all can add up. Take what you like and disregard the rest... It won't hurt my feelings if I'm wrong about one or two of those.

[claire]

"daddy" is a southern term and I hear people talk about their daddy all the time down here. mama too. stick with daddy. Personally I would lose the dog For one thing, I thought you were talking about John Wayne when you said "Duke" and even though it obviously isn't that you're carrying around a poster of John Wayne in your truck, it made me have to stop and think - which you don't want to do on your first line. The first line and the last line of the song are major power points. The dog isn't relevant to the song. Keep it between the singer and his daddy.Commercially I'd stick with the v/c thing rather than aaba. Unless something has changed lately, they want to hear the chorus fast ("don't bore us, get to the chorus") and I've had people comment on aaba as being great for the classic ballads but not so much for uptempo stuff.Patti and daddy feel like they're there for the rhyme. Doesn't matter what her name is anyhow - we know she's the wife.I've never heard it called a "flower store". Florist. Flower shop. Doesn't feel like something someone would normally say.I'm torn about whether you might want to pick one of the choruses and stick with that one vs. keeping the two different choruses. I guess picking the freshest images from both and combining those, then keeping the chorus the same might be best. They're just both so well written, it's hard to decide. Absolutely the third chorus stays as is!Really well written stuff, definitely something the ladies are going to want to hear on the radio at 7 am (hi, Ralph!), a smile, a tear. Very cool. And yeah, keep "daddy" Claire