Daily days (my 1st finished song)

[kuzcobowllama]

Sunny sunShining down, mid-summer dayWavy wavesUpon the sea, waving at you and meJust because today's our daily dayoh oh, oh oh, oh ohAnd it's beautifully beautifulWhen you're with me my world is fully fullIt's wonderfully wonderfulHow you let me know our love is truly trueEven when there's rainy rainFalling like teardrops when the clouds are sadOr snowy snowFalling like pieces when the sky gets coldBut you know it's part of our daily daysDaily daysHang on to those daily days To float on the cloudy clouds[drum goes BAM!! ]With my lovely loveAnd in this troubling troubled worldI'll wait for thosePeaceful momentsTo see your smiling smiley faceTelling me : " Baby baby"" It's okay"

[bigdaddy123]

hey,congrats on posting a song! You know, this could be darn good if you could eliminate some of the extra rhyming , really minimalize it. Some of those words could be difficult to sing although I don't think there's anything wrong with the idea of repeating words. mabye something like : Sun sun Shine shine On the sea Wave wave Just because c And its beautiful And you're beautiful I'ts so beautiful to me Rain rain You let me know The sky is cold When you're not here c And it's beautiful You're so beautiful You're so beautiful to me In a troubled world I wait wait Hang on Day by day And its beautiful You're beautiful You're so beautiful to me it might work out for a coldplay song or something along those lines.Something that really breathes. Anyway good luck with it! Adios!

[ciskokidd]

Hi Kuz,thanks for posting your tune and welcome aboard.I do get what you are going for, but I think the effect goes over the top. It's an interesting device, but it needs to be used more sparingly.Of course if you make it into a Children's tune with the requisite music to go along then it could work like a charm! Best,Cisko

[derekmcfarland]

Great example of alliteration! But, maybe overused like BigDaddy and Cisko said. I agree that it would be a brilliant children's song.THANKS for sharing! and WELCOME!!!Derek

[kuzcobowllama]

I wanted it to be like a funky and childly song like some of Jack Johnson's, particularly "we're gonna be friends". So I think I'd keep the repeated words in the verses with the usual tempo for that kind of song and maybe change the chorus to sth like bigdaddy's & slow it down.Would that work? Gracias!

[plaincountry]

Apr 14, 2009, 9:21am, ciskokidd wrote:Of course if you make it into a Children's tune with the requisite music to go along then it could work like a charm!Lyrically, this seems like a good place for this song. It has a playfulness that would probably appeal to the innocent and not to jaded, cynical, critics like me. I listen to a lot of XM Kids on XM Radio with my son, and with a tweek here and there in the story and lyrics, this would work well. Maybe it isn't what you were going for, but it may be good place to go anyway.Keep writin'Steve

[adamstrings]

Yes, for the kids. This could work so nicely. My angle would be to develop it that way-obviously we're all feeling it. Find some music and arrangement, and you've got a winner. Best of luck.Adam