Best Day of My Life - Country

[acousticeel]

I posted this song under Peer to Peer but didn't get much feedback on the lyrics. Any suggestions or comments would be appreciated.Thanks, JimBest Day of My LifeVerse 1It was the best day of my life the day we metI drove you home too lateFrom that party by the lakeYou laughed when my truckBroke down in the rainThen said "When can I see you again?"Verse 2It was the best day of my life, I just knewThe day you said "I love you" And I said "I love you too"I lost count of the best daysAs the weeks rolled byIn that truck with you right by my sideChorus 1It was the best day of my lifeThe day we said "I do"Simple wedding in the countryAnd a Vegas honeymoonWe saw Elvis and the BeatlesBuddy Holly sang Peggy SueWe stayed out all nightAnd made love all afternoonGuitar SoloChorus 2It was the best day of my lifeThe day our baby was dueI rolled you down the hallwayTo the delivery roomWell my legs went numbWhen I saw my beautiful sonBundled up in blueI thank the man upstairs For blessing the two of youEndingSometimes I feel like jumping over the moonAs I sing lullabies in his roomHe'll have a sister pretty soonIt's always the best day of my lifeSince I met you

[motomyrtle]

My advice on this would be to change it to VVBV stucture - change the chorus to a bridge and leave out the titlechorus 2 is really another verse - if you can make it a little more 'showing' than 'telling'create images - i rolled you down to the delivery room- is tellingrounding the corner to the delivery room- is showingtry not to use 'i' statements unless you really have tohope that helpsnice sentiment - I think we all have many days that are the 'best day'cheryl

[acousticeel]

Cheryl,Thanks for the comments and advice. The "showing" instead of "telling" is a good idea. I struggled with using "I" so much too, but it just seemed to make sense at the time. I'll keep after it and see what I can do. Thanks again...Jim

[Casey H]

Hi AeI think "show me, don't tell me" is the most important piece of advice there is for lyric writing. That doesn't mean it has to be everywhere in a song though.Actually I think you have some good "show me" stuff in these lyrics like We saw Elvis and the BeatlesBuddy Holly sang Peggy Sue which paints a picture of a Vegas trip (though I don't think you could have seen the Beatles in Vegas... Maybe a different act)... And the first verse does a little of that, though it may be too cliche with the truck breaking down in the rain. Casey