lyric critique please:

[thomas1007]

I thought seeing as im new to the board I would request a critique of my lyrics. Please have a look and let me know what you think of them and the structure. This song is in the rock/punkgenre. Thanks in advance and have a great week. Anarchy:The sprawling city disappears from viewFlash of light, nothing we can doHorizons dark, the sky is blackGone too far, we can’t turn back.Maniacal foes with many facesBring pain and death to all the racesJudgment day upon us has comeKiss your deity, for it has begun.Rivers of tears flow in our griefWe will not lose is my beliefVictory is near, so says meI will not lose to Black Anarchy.Chaos reigns, for this is insanityEnd of days, no thought for humanitySorrowful cries escape in sadnessBrutality prevails amongst the madness We will not falter, we will not yieldThousands will perish upon the fieldCherish your daughters and your sonsThey will fight bravely amidst the gunsRivers of tears flow in our griefWe will not lose is my beliefVictory is near, so says meI will not lose to Black Anarchy.Pools of blood stain our feetHeinous cries they will meetForgive my sins, and my wrathWe did not chose this vengeful pathCleanse me father, for I have sinnedI know not where the fault beginsWith your blessing I will passAnarchy can kiss my ass.Rivers of tears flow in our griefWe will not lose is my beliefVictory is near, so says meI will not lose to Black Anarchy.Copy right 2006 © Derwyn Thomas Duffin

[walter327]

Hey, Thomas.I wonder about swearing in what appears to be a Christian work, but that's bein' a bit nit-picky. I know the news is good. God wins, and we win. But, it strikes me as a bit dark. This is coming from a guy who writes sappy love songs, see "Cry No more" in "Lyric Lovers", and gives a drafty old house a personality, see "This Old Home", same place. My favorite verse in the Good Book is that He will wipe every tear from our eyes. Pay me no mind. Everybody's got an opinion. Walter327

[arkjack]

Nice lyrics. I mean yeah....a little dark,.... but hey these are anxious times. Lyrics by themselves are difficult to review because the tones of the chords and the melody has to match it.... and then the questions come up ....do all lines fit the meter.... is the structure right..... how long will it run,.... arrangement tricks, sound effects,,,..... so is rewrite inevitable? I think the message and idea are there and its good material to work with.Keep on creating...ArkJack

[thomas1007]

Thank you for the responses.The song is based upon the crisis the world now faces.I am glad to see that the lyrics can be construed in different ways from different people. I hope to have more lyrics to post soon. Thank you again.

[thomas1007]

bump for more critiqueing.

[jeep]

I put the words to Iron man [Black Sabbath] fit good I like it

[lopc]

Thomas. Wow. One thought and one thought only:Anarchy can kiss my ass. Maybe- Anarchy of any color can kiss my ass.Did I mention Wow?

[thomas1007]

bump for a few more opinions

[ontariolightning]

For some reason I picture a metal band with black eyeliner and lipstick with red hair and an outfit of spikes singing this, but hey you have a chorus and a sense of pattern which is good, it's in order it's just the subject is uh, scary LOL , have a good day!

[mojobone]

Needs a title.