Stealing You

[linziellen]

Hi all,I haven't posted here for a while!This is lyric number 16 for the 50-90 challenge (that I'm not going to complete) I've decided to post it here because it's such a controversial subject and I wondered how "YOU" think I've handled it. It was a tricky write, but when I came across the "old, new, borrowed, blue" (good luck) saying, this is what came out on paper! Not very traditional I know but I have tried to express her guilty feelings as well as her love for this man. What gets me is, I didn't really want to have to sing this but it's coming out anyway.So, thoughts welcome! Stealing You(c) Lindsey Ellen JolivetStanding at the altarOf our love affairA sparkling diamond necklaceA piece of lace tied in my hairI'm sure I shouldn't be hereIn this dress so dirty whiteWhen you asked me if I loved youI didn't want to have to fightBut this is where we're atSomething oldSomething newSomething borrowedSomething blueI couldn't stop myselfFrom stealing youAnd there's a beautiful daughterWho calls her dad a fool Smiles are dry and far betweenBut they still light this darkened roomI get the funny feelingWe're not so blessed todayAs we stumble through our wedding vowsI don't find the cheek to prayBut this is where we're atSomething oldSomething newSomething borrowedSomething blueI couldn't stop myselfFrom stealing youAnd in the back of my mindAll of these wonderful wordsAre just secondhand liesJust secondhand liesSomething oldSomething newSomething borrowedSomething blueI couldn't stop myselfFrom stealing you

[momof4]

wow, Linz, powerful. my only thought regarding the subject matter is, if YOU don't want to sing it, would another artist? you know, they kind of like to be cast in a good light, and all. but maybe if you found a rebel...i had a few issues with some of your lines:1) LOVED the first verse, and the second verse, up until the last line. it doesn't seem to fit...it's confusing, and i think you can say it better, although you might have to replace the last two lines in the second verse to make it work.2) third verse - great, except for the last line! if the smiles are forced and fake, then they wouldn't light up the room.i really, really, really like the rest. it's deep. it's painfully honest. nice writing, Linzi!!!erin

[linziellen]

Came back to correct my spelling, goodness me!Thanks Erin, I follow you. I wasn't sure about those last lines either, they felt a little forced. I'll see if anything else crops up. I could probably sing it without thinking because I'm teaming it up with bluesy, upbeat music but you're right, if this comes from me I'm not sure it would do me any favours.Why oh why can I not write a love song? I'd love to

[jchitty]

God, Lindz....those are absolutely beautiful lyrics....wonderful storytelling there.

[linziellen]

Aw, thank you Chits. I was thinking this lyric had gone down like a lead balloon hehehe! I know it's not the most attractive and I wondered what others might think, I would understand if people didn't like it too! I wondered about a little change in the chorus to -"I couldn't steal myselfFrom stealing you"Simple but maybe more effective than "stop" it's so abrupt!Thank you again for reading

[littlestfly]

linziellen,hi thanks for the comments on my song. i love this too. you should sing it this would be great i think country? reads well thanks...........craig

[littlestfly]

oh sorry to double post but....what is the challenge you speak of? craig

[linziellen]

Hi there Craig,Thank you for reading this really isn't something I would like to sing, it's not a "personal" song, it doesn't mean a lot to me! But yeah, it's one of the 50 songs in 90 days challenge, run by FAWM - http://5090.fawm.org/ When you have 50 songs to write you search high and low I just wanted to test the waters here with "Stealing You" because it's not something I would usually write. I have no idea whether it's country, maybe more gypsy lol! Anyway, I stand by what I said about your lyrics really lovely!Linzi

[littlestfly]

well if u would like to sing mine just let me know hehehehe there is not any music to it but im sure something can be worked out with it.....the best......craig

[matthoggard]

Nice work.I actually wanted to write something with the same theme. Good choice and good lyrics.Beautiful work.M~