HELP! I need my lyrics reviewed fast!

[toncart]

What if I used "I'll be takin the odds" or "I'll be playin the odds" in the 1st pre chorus and then "I'm a rollin the dice" in the second pre choruse. This kinda sets up the meaning of the line. Could this work? Would the line be understood better?

[toncart]

How about any of these lines:"But I'm liking my odds on card I'm still waitin to see""But I'm takin the odds on a card I'm still waitin to see""But I'm playin the odds on a card I'm still waitin to see""But I'm pushing my luck for a card I'm still waitin to see""And I'm feelin kinda lucky for a card that I can't see""And I'm feelin kinda lucky bout the last card comin to me""And I'm feelin awful lucky bout the last one comin to me"I kinda like the last line there. I haven't used the word luck or lucky in the song yet, it might be appropriate here.

[aubreyz]

Quote:How about any of these lines:"But I'm liking my odds on card I'm still waitin to see""But I'm takin the odds on a card I'm still waitin to see""But I'm playin the odds on a card I'm still waitin to see""But I'm pushing my luck for a card I'm still waitin to see""And I'm feelin kinda lucky for a card that I can't see""And I'm feelin kinda lucky bout the last card comin to me""And I'm feelin awful lucky bout the last one comin to me"I kinda like the last line there. I haven't used the word luck or lucky in the song yet, it might be appropriate here. Hey toncart,I'm working on more detailed line by line comments, but it will be late this evening before I will have a chance to complete that. I like the use of odds and last card. This line isn't technically right yet, but this is the idea that comes to mind:I'm liking the odds that the last card will be what I need.Still don't like "liking", but thought i would offer this quick thought. Maybe it will help.Aub

[toncart]

Thanks man for your time. I appreciate it for sure. Tony

[davewalton]

Quote:[quote author=toncart board=lyriclovers2 thread=1164243772 post=1164477109]I'm liking the odds that the last card will be what I need.Still don't like "liking", Venturing out past my comfort zone, how about:I'm high on the odds that the last card will be what I need

[toncart]

But I'm bettin on my luck for the last card that I need ^I really like this one!^ Probably makes better story sense and makes good use of the luck/bet thing. Also has the word "card" rather than the word "one".

[hummingbird]

I'm bettin' Lady Luck will bring the one card I needH

[toncart]

Quote:I'm bettin' Lady Luck will bring the one card I needHI like it. I already use the work "one" in the verse, so I may leave that out, but I like it. How about this for the pre-chorus lines? Latest Lyric Update Below"Hitting The Nuts"In the style of Travis TrittBy: Tony CarterVerse I:It’s my turn to bet and I’m under the gunI’ll push it to the limit cause I’m only needin oneWith aces on the table and queens in the holeI’m fillin up the house and waitin on the roll Pre Chorus:I’m all in and I’m bankin on a winner to be And I’m bettin’ Lady Luck is gonna slide me the card I needChorus:When the dealins all doneI’m gonna take it and run It’s bound to be a glorious sightI’ll rake it all in I know I’m gonna winCause I’m Hitting the Nuts tonightVerse II:The dealer man is ready and I’m putting on the heat I’ve got my aces up and my queens are lookin sweetThe tables lookin at me wonderin what I’m gonna doI’m gonna double up my take before the hand is throughPre Chorus: I’m all in and I’m bankin on a winner to be And I’m bettin’ Lady Luck is gonna slide me the card I needChorus:When the dealins all doneI’m gonna take it and runIt’s bound to be a marvelous sightI’ll rake it all in I know I’m gonna winCause I’m Hitting the Nuts tonightBridge: Bobby Joe’s on my left and Billy Bob’s on my rightI’m gonna call their bluff and raise em out of sightAll my chips are in, I’m already takin stockWhen the last card falls it’s sure to be a lock…Guitar Solo: (spoken) Ahhhhh, show me what you got…Verse III: With the last card down, I take a little peekA little red queen is givin me a big wink The house is now full and I’m ready to goThis game is almost over and it’s time for the showPre Chorus:I bet it all in and I thought it was a guaranteeBut the big dog at the table laid em down and he busted meOutro Chorus:When the dealin was doneAnd that other guy wonI was thinkin that it can’t be rightI left it all on the table, I thought that I was ableBut I didn’t Hit The Nuts tonightI didn’t Hit The Nuts tonight (2x)Spoken: Hey, aint that just the way life goes…sometimes you hit it and sometimes you get hit. Don’t let it get you down.

[toncart]

Above post is the most recent updates to the song

[toncart]

Now, I have a question about line 2 of the chourus. Does "I'm gonna take it and run" sound better than " I'm gonna take what I've won"? I already use "win" in line 5 of the chorus. Win/won sounds too much alike and "take it and run" gives a better visual I think. When the dealins all doneI’m gonna take what I’ve won/ I'm gonna take it and runIt’s bound to be a marvelous sightI’ll rake it all in I know I’m gonna winCause I’m Hitting the Nuts tonightAlso...line 4 of verse IIThe dealer man is ready and I’m putting on the heat I’ve got my aces up and my queens are lookin sweetThe tables lookin at me wonderin what I’m gonna doI’m gonna double up my take before the hand is throughDoes "I'm gonna double up my pot before the hand is through"sound better?Finally, in the pre chorus sections, should I say "slide me the card I need" or "slide me the one I need"?