HELP! I need my lyrics reviewed fast!

[hummingbird]

I'm still confused by the 'timing' - you can't go all in and then raise.Pre Chorus 1:I’ll bet it all in, it’s got to be a winner for meverse 2:I’ll call another round, then I’ll raise it through the roofPre Chorus 2:I’ll bet it all in, it’s got to be a winner for meBridge:I’m gonna call their bluff and raise em out of sightthis line feels lumpy....I threw my cards down, thinkin it was guaranteedThen I was taken by surprise by the guy sittin next to meOtherwise it's looking real good. Can't wait to hear the music!cheersHummin'bird

[toncart]

Thanks Hummingbird. I'll sleep on it tonight and work on it some more tomorrow. I'll come up with something on the "timing" thing. Thanks!Tony

[toncart]

This is what I have today. I'm still looking for words to "clear up" or "spice up". Please chime in. An exhausted "Thank You" to everyone who has made suggestions. Hittin The NutsIn the style of Travis TrittBy: Tony CarterVerse I:It’s my turn to bet and I’m under the gunI’ll push it to the limit cause I’m only needin oneWith aces on the table and queens in the holeI’m fillin up the house and waiting on the roll Pre Chorus:I’m gonna bet the farm, it’s sure as a guaranteeI know I’m gonna hit with this hand staring back at meChorus:When the dealin’s all doneI’ll be the lucky oneIt’s bound to be a marvelous sightI’ll rake it all in I know I’m gonna winCause I’m Hittin the Nuts tonightVerse II:The dealer man is ready and I’m putting on the heat I’ve got my aces up and my queens are lookin sweetMy poker face is ready, tell you what I’m gonna doI’ll call another round, then raise it through the roofPre Chorus: I’m gonna bet the town, it’s sure as a guaranteeI know I’m gonna hit with this hand staring back at meChorus:When the dealin’s all doneI’ll be the lucky oneIt’s bound to be a marvelous sightI’ll rake it all in I know I’m gonna winCause I’m Hittin the Nuts tonightBridge: I’ve got deuces on my left and kings on my rightI’m gonna call their bluff and raise em out of sightAll the chips are in, I’m already takin stockWhen the last card falls it’s sure to be a lock…Guitar Solo: (spoken) Ahhhhh, show me what you got…Verse III: With the last card down, I take a quick peekA little red queen’s givin me a big wink The house is now full and I’m ready to goThis game is almost over and it’s time for the showPre Chorus:I threw my cards down, and thought it was a guarenteeBut to my surprise was the guy sittin next to meOutro Chorus:He had a grin on his faceAs he flashed another aceHis king took my queen by surprise I lost it all playin pokerNow I’m feelin like a jokerCause I didn’t Hit the Nuts tonightI left it all on the tableI thought that I was ableBut I didn’t Hit the Nuts tonight (2x)(Spoken:) Hey, aint that just the way life goes…sometimes you hit it and sometimes you get hit. Don’t let it get you down.

[toncart]

The last line of the last pre chorus still needs tweaking, but I'm getting close.

[toncart]

Lyrics were given to my demo singer yesterday. We can still make changes if needed, but he needed something for scratch vocal track. It's going to be a fun song. I hope it turns out as well as it sounds in my head. We are not even approaching this as a demo. We are going to give it all the bells and whistles that a big production needs. I may have Vince Gills former fiddle player/guitar player on the track and there may be some good Jerry Lee Lewis piano on the chorus section. Harmonica and great back up vocals will be present as well. You guys will get 1st listen when it's done. Now I have to go play arranger, and producer for awile. I may do some of the guitar work myslef on the track, but It would only be the rhythm. My country lead work is primitave. I'm more of a Motley Crue/Van Halen lead guitar guy. Thanks again for all of your help.

[toncart]

Also, this song will be sent to TAXI for the "Travis Tritt" listing that closes in mid December. I'm playing all my cards on this one if you know what I mean. If the movie thing falls through, then I may have a slim chance submitting it here. I hope.

[toncart]

This is the best I have. I've changed a word here and there, but I've picked it apart for the past two days and it's looking like this will be the final cut. We rehearsed today. The vocal lines are really good and my singer is nailing it. The biggest problem now is the drums. There are some tricky stops and punches that we are doing and all of the instruments have to be spot on. We will get it, but everybody has to have their part nailed. “Hittin The Nuts Tonight”Written By: Tony CarterPerformend By: M. RobinsonVerse I:It’s my turn to bet and I’m under the gunI’ll push it to the limit cause I’m only needin oneWith aces on the table and queens in the holeI’m fillin up the house and waiting on the roll Pre Chorus:I’m gonna bet the farm, it’s sure to be a guaranteeI know I’m gonna hit it with this hand staring back at meChorus:When the dealin’s all doneI’ll be the lucky oneIt’s bound to be a marvelous sightI’ll rake it all in I know I’m gonna winCause I’m Hittin the Nuts tonightVerse II:The dealer man is ready and I’m putting on the heat I’ve got my aces up and my queens are lookin sweetMy poker face is ready, this is what I’m gonna doI’ll call another round, then I’ll raise it through the roofPre Chorus: I’m gonna bet the town, it’s sure to be a guaranteeI know I’m gonna hit it with this hand staring back at meChorus:When the dealin’s all doneI’ll be the lucky oneIt’s bound to be a marvelous sightI’ll rake it all in I know I’m gonna winCause I’m Hittin the Nuts tonightBridge: I’ve got deuces on my left and kings on my rightI’m gonna call their bluff and raise em out of sightAll the chips are in, I’m already takin stockWhen the last card falls it’s sure to be a lock…Guitar Solo: (spoken) Ahhhhh, show me what you got…Verse III With the last card down, I take a quick peekA little red queen’s givin me a big wink The house is now full and I’m ready to goThis game is almost over and it’s time for the showPre Chorus:I threw my cards down, and thought it was a guarenteeBut to my wild surprise was the guy sittin next to meOutro Chorus:He had a grin on his faceAs he flashed another aceHis king took my queen by surprise I lost it all playin pokerNow I’m feelin like a jokerCause I didn’t Hit the Nuts tonightI left it all on the tableI thought that I was ableBut I didn’t Hit the Nuts tonight (2x)Spoken: Hey, aint that just the way life goes…sometimes you hit it and sometimes you get hit. Don’t let it get you down.

[aubreyz]

Toncart --This is miles from where you started. I can't wait to hear the tracks. The only thing I would "stop the presses" on is this line:But to my wild surprise was the guy sittin next to meIt just doesn't make grammatical sense... and you use the word surprise much better in the last chorus.Good luck with the session.Aub

[hummingbird]

Hi - wow, this is looking really tight!!!Just one thing... all the lyric before these lines....is in present tense, and I suggest you stay with that...I threw my cards down, and thought it was a guarenteeBut to my wild surprise was the guy sittin next to methe line in italics isn't complete, nor as conversational and in the moment as your other lines.maybe....I thrOW my cards down, THINKING IT'S a guaranteeTHEN I SEE THE HAND OF the guy sittin next to me...Great work!!Hummin'bird

[toncart]

Quote:Toncart --This is miles from where you started. I can't wait to hear the tracks. The only thing I would "stop the presses" on is this line:But to my wild surprise was the guy sittin next to meIt just doesn't make grammatical sense... and you use the word surprise much better in the last chorus.Good luck with the session.AubAgreed Aub. It's one of those things that I have looked at a thousand times now and have just "overlooked". I'll come up with something that makes better sense for that line. Thanks for your help man and for taking the time to lend advice after I gave you so much "crap" earlier on. You are a good man. Tony